My Mom. I love her but she just can’t just say congratulations and be happy

[Bubbs]

You need to whip your mother into shape or she will find herself cut off from her son and DIL and future grandkids. I would be all over my mother telling her she better not ever give her DIL a hard time and if she does, you are siding with them over her which means your mom can spend holidays sad and alone and you will spend it with them.

She is digging her own grave here. Let her know you will not tolerate it. Because if you side with her or look the other way and tolerate it-the DIL and brother are likely to cut you off too. You have to take a hard stance on this.

My mom is who she is, it’s annoying. But we’re never going to cut her off (I’d never do that to my kids, the adore her)
My brother anticipated the reaction I just wish she would just relax a little. (They definitely aren’t having anymore children) And I wish she would realize that giving news or information isn’t asking for her approval or opinion. We never cut her off, but we do step back if she gets stuck on only wanting to give her unneeded opinion

[Bubbs]

She doesn't have to congratulate your brother when he is doing something she doesn't approve of or pretend to be happy when she's not. It's strange to think she should.

well and they don't have to ever speak to her again either. See how that works.
If someone tells you they are getting married, even if you don't approve-you grin and say Congratulations and keep your mouth shut. Period. Otherwise, you better just kiss that relationship goodbye

We aren’t that drastic. She loves us, but so opinionated

[RedBottoms]

She doesn't have to congratulate your brother when he is doing something she doesn't approve of or pretend to be happy when she's not. It's strange to think she should.

well and they don't have to ever speak to her again either. See how that works.
If someone tells you they are getting married, even if you don't approve-you grin and say Congratulations and keep your mouth shut. Period. Otherwise, you better just kiss that relationship goodbye

We aren’t that drastic. She loves us, but so opinionated

Do you tell her her opinion is not needed or wanted?

Here is a great strategy to stop the opinionatedness. Every time she starts in with going on and on about shit like that-get up and leave. Immediately. Hang up the phone. Immediately. Every time. She will eventually learn as it it will train her like you would train a dog-that the minute she starts in going on and on being negative and acting like she knows everything and is better than everyone blah blah-you will leave or hang up. So she will eventually learn to keep her mouth shut.

I did this with my mom and it actually worked. In her case it was every time she acted like she was a better parent to my kids than I was or knew better than me about my own kids -but after doing that over a couple months of always leaving or hanging up every time she did it-she doesn't do it anymore. It stopped her. It worked.

[...MyLove...]

She doesn't have to congratulate your brother when he is doing something she doesn't approve of or pretend to be happy when she's not. It's strange to think she should.

But her approval is never required
Why be a jerk?
He’s almost a 50 year old man, if he’s making a mistake it’s his mistake. Not hers

Exactly - He doesn't need her approval. He's going to do what he wants anyway. And she doesn't have to react the way you think she should. Being a concerned mother doesn't make her a jerk.

Your kids are still young, wait until they get involved with someone you're not thrilled about and see how well you can choke out a congratulations and wear a fake smile.

[RedBottoms]

She doesn't have to congratulate your brother when he is doing something she doesn't approve of or pretend to be happy when she's not. It's strange to think she should.

But her approval is never required
Why be a jerk?
He’s almost a 50 year old man, if he’s making a mistake it’s his mistake. Not hers

Exactly - He doesn't need her approval. He's going to do what he wants anyway. And she doesn't have to react the way you think she should. Being a concerned mother doesn't make her a jerk.

Your kids are still young, wait until they get involved with someone you're not thrilled about and see how well you can choke out a congratulations and wear a fake smile.

I have already had to do that with many very close friends that ended up marrying dumbass jerks. I know my face might give me away since I am not good at faking expressions but my words at least won't give me away. I say the right thing at the very least. They can't fault me for that one.

[Bubbs]

She doesn't have to congratulate your brother when he is doing something she doesn't approve of or pretend to be happy when she's not. It's strange to think she should.

But her approval is never required
Why be a jerk?
He’s almost a 50 year old man, if he’s making a mistake it’s his mistake. Not hers

Exactly - He doesn't need her approval. He's going to do what he wants anyway. And she doesn't have to react the way you think she should. Being a concerned mother doesn't make her a jerk.

Your kids are still young, wait until they get involved with someone you're not thrilled about and see how well you can choke out a congratulations and wear a fake smile.

Yes my kids are still young, so Maybe I don’t really get it. She can react any way she chooses that is true, but then she needs to understand her reactions are why sometimes she doesn’t get included in things we do. I got married and didn’t tell her for awhile afterwards, my other brother did something similar. She misses out on a lot, because sometimes we don’t want to deal with her.

[...MyLove...]

She doesn't have to congratulate your brother when he is doing something she doesn't approve of or pretend to be happy when she's not. It's strange to think she should.

well and they don't have to ever speak to her again either. See how that works.
If someone tells you they are getting married, even if you don't approve-you grin and say Congratulations and keep your mouth shut. Period. Otherwise, you better just kiss that relationship goodbye

Kiss a relationship between a mother and son goodbye because she didn't say congratulations and smile? That's completely absurd.

[Countess]

Some people are just wired that way. She'll probably never change. It's a shame, never finding joy in anything.

[RedBottoms]

She doesn't have to congratulate your brother when he is doing something she doesn't approve of or pretend to be happy when she's not. It's strange to think she should.

well and they don't have to ever speak to her again either. See how that works.
If someone tells you they are getting married, even if you don't approve-you grin and say Congratulations and keep your mouth shut. Period. Otherwise, you better just kiss that relationship goodbye

Kiss a relationship between a mother and son goodbye because she didn't say congratulations and smile? That's completely absurd.

Yes because once a man marries a woman he leaves and cleaves. That means he owes his loyalty and love to his wife. And they become ONE. So if a mother or anyone else is being bitchy and negative and bringing drama and negativity and issues into that marriage-they need to distance themselves from that for the good of the marriage.

[...MyLove...]

But her approval is never required
Why be a jerk?
He’s almost a 50 year old man, if he’s making a mistake it’s his mistake. Not hers

Exactly - He doesn't need her approval. He's going to do what he wants anyway. And she doesn't have to react the way you think she should. Being a concerned mother doesn't make her a jerk.

Your kids are still young, wait until they get involved with someone you're not thrilled about and see how well you can choke out a congratulations and wear a fake smile.

Yes my kids are still young, so Maybe I don’t really get it. She can react any way she chooses that is true, but then she needs to understand her reactions are why sometimes she doesn’t get included in things we do. I got married and didn’t tell her for awhile afterwards, my other brother did something similar. She misses out on a lot, because sometimes we don’t want to deal with her.

My mom didn't approve of me marrying my husband and I didn't need her to. When we got married my mom was front row and center.

There isn't a reason not to include your mom in things you all do, unless she is all kinds of crazy and can't control herself, which I doubt she is.

In my family, we are allowed to say what we think and be who we are. We don't have to fake it. No one should have to. Families love each other unconditionally.