My ex is going to be homeless and it is 'my' fault

[Momto2boys973]

That’s why I said that in if I were in THIS situation, where my kids are adults and the money is just a nice extra, I would look into helping so that at least they don’t go homeless. As I said, I contribute to charities for the poor and it helps people I don’t even know. I wouldn’t deny that help to someone I know. I let bygones be bygones, the kids don’t deserve to pay for their father’s mistakes if it can helped.
That doesn’t mean the same applies to every single situation. Sometimes it’s not a possibility. I’m saying that IF it was possible for me to help, I would.

Well, those kids are adults now. By OPs own words “the EXTRA money is NICE”. Personally, if it were me, I would give the money for the kids, because it’s not extra and just nice for them.
But yeah, they’re going to have to figure it because to each their own. As she said, it’s not her fault.

My heart goes out to the kids who are going to be homeless AND to the kids who had a deadbeat father and probably had to miss out on a lot of things growing up. The mom of these other kids is going to have to do what OP did and figure things out. This dude is obviously not going to figure anything out.

Maybe she's better off financially than a lot of single mothers but for most parents with a deadbeat ex partner supporting their kids completely on their own means not investing in their own future. I know I've had to spend all my money on supporting my kids because their Dad doesn't pay and I haven't been able to put money away for retirement.

[RIZZY]

When my ex husband and I divorced, I asked for the bare minimum child support because I didn't want to deal with my ex husband's sorry ass but I figured he should at least pay the bare minimum. He made me promise I wouldn't try to increase it later and I refused, but I never did.

Years later, I offered to buy him out on child support in exchange for him just leaving us alone. $50K cash. This was after a few years of him constantly no-showing, ghosting, and constantly rescheduling. He was barely seeing the kids and didn't really seem to enjoy his time with them. He refused, as any self respecting, loving dad would. But he still chose not to be in their lives. The child support racked up. He eventually went to prison and while he was there, he asked me to request a review and pause the child support. I decided not to. This was all before he got out of prison and wreaked havoc, destroying our lives. Now he's in prison again for the abuse my daughter suffered. His child support is still racking up.

One day he'll get out. Maybe he'll get a job working above the table and will get his pay garnished. It doesn't matter if the money is just a little extra for us or not. The government and myself requested the bare minimum from him and he couldn't even do that. The fact that I chose to work my ass off to support my kids without the child support doesn't mean the money should be given back to him. It will be given to my kids.

His choices aren't my problem. You make your bed, you lie in it.

[Valentina327]

Well, those kids are adults now. By OPs own words “the EXTRA money is NICE”. Personally, if it were me, I would give the money for the kids, because it’s not extra and just nice for them.
But yeah, they’re going to have to figure it because to each their own. As she said, it’s not her fault.

My heart goes out to those kids that will be homeless…

My heart goes out to the kids who are going to be homeless AND to the kids who had a deadbeat father and probably had to miss out on a lot of things growing up. The mom of these other kids is going to have to do what OP did and figure things out. This dude is obviously not going to figure anything out.

I don't know that I'd be giving that money away. That's simply a reimbursement for what she had to shell out of her own pocket to raise those kids. It's not really extra for her. It's payback.

[Momto2boys973]

I know what it is, and as I said, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with OP keeping it.
I just said that if in this case that reimbursement was some nice extra cash for me and for them it would mean not being homeless, then I would help them out. If I could help those kids not being homeless, I would do it.

Well, those kids are adults now. By OPs own words “the EXTRA money is NICE”. Personally, if it were me, I would give the money for the kids, because it’s not extra and just nice for them.
But yeah, they’re going to have to figure it because to each their own. As she said, it’s not her fault.

My heart goes out to the kids who are going to be homeless AND to the kids who had a deadbeat father and probably had to miss out on a lot of things growing up. The mom of these other kids is going to have to do what OP did and figure things out. This dude is obviously not going to figure anything out.

I don't know that I'd be giving that money away. That's simply a reimbursement for what she had to shell out of her own pocket to raise those kids. It's not really extra for her. It's payback.

[KendallsMom]

How I would feel in this situation would honestly depend on how well our adult kids are doing financially, emotionally, physically, etc.

If they are absolutely fine, I'd consider giving back some to him to help his new family out.