Strange Request?

[Anonymous 2]

Here's my strange question - does a family have to have a "funeral"? I mean, that seems expensive to me, and I could have a memorial service at my house for a lot less than that. Is all that money just for taking care of the remains, or does it include the service, flowers, etc.? Really curious, do you know?

[cgd5112]

Yes. When my grandmother was dying, my aunt ( her daughter) announced she wanted to be buried next to her when she dies. Because she's on a fixed income ( which includes my grandmothers granddaughters all chipping in monthly to support her ), she asked her daughter to prepay for the spot/lot next to my grandmother's. My cousin declined as did my sisters. So, I stepped up and paid for it. Why? Because at my grandmother's deathbed I promised her we'd take care of her daughter. This was over 15 years ago. My aunt is still alive, overbearing , attention seeking, driving us all crazy, but I love her. And Im grateful she is still alive

[highlandmum]

Here's my strange question - does a family have to have a "funeral"? I mean, that seems expensive to me, and I could have a memorial service at my house for a lot less than that. Is all that money just for taking care of the remains, or does it include the service, flowers, etc.? Really curious, do you know?

The funeral is about the people left behind in order to give them closure. I'll will tell you however, I hated visitation when my father passed away. It was very hard for me. It is expensive that is why we have funeral insurance. Everything is paid for by this and whatever is left is divided evenly among the beneficiaries.

Nothing in the law states you must have a funeral, only need to properly take care of the loved ones body. Technically you could say, I do not want a funeral at all, and the primary family members in my opinion should respect your wishes. But no guarantee that they will.

[MonarchMom]

Here's my strange question - does a family have to have a "funeral"? I mean, that seems expensive to me, and I could have a memorial service at my house for a lot less than that. Is all that money just for taking care of the remains, or does it include the service, flowers, etc.? Really curious, do you know?

Funerals are not required, nor are lengthly obituaries. Some states require a "death notice" to be published in a newspaper of record (each county or state designates a large distribution newspaper) so any potential debtors or heirs can come forward.

Quite a few of our neighbors and family members have declined to have a funeral held. The family had a private gathering at the time of cremation or burial. Some have had a "celebration of life" gathering a few months later.

It is possible the OP's aunt has been the target of a high-pressure sales pitch to make advance arrangements. A lot can change in a few years, and I would not pre-pay anything. Write down your wishes, and make clear to your family what you want. Set aside funds if needed and have that spelled out in the Will.

[WellPreserved]

Here's my strange question - does a family have to have a "funeral"? I mean, that seems expensive to me, and I could have a memorial service at my house for a lot less than that. Is all that money just for taking care of the remains, or does it include the service, flowers, etc.? Really curious, do you know?

When my husband passed away in 2022, we had no funeral, no memorial, and I didn't publish an obit. The cost to the funeral home was about $4000 which covered the cost of transport of my husband's body, copies of the death certificate, and cremation. I provided the urn.

A good friend just buried his father on his farm. A huge pot-luck celebration of life, and a funeral service. No cost other than a $100 donation to the pastor. His father died at home so there were no transportation costs.

[MonarchMom]

Here's my strange question - does a family have to have a "funeral"? I mean, that seems expensive to me, and I could have a memorial service at my house for a lot less than that. Is all that money just for taking care of the remains, or does it include the service, flowers, etc.? Really curious, do you know?

When my husband passed away in 2022, we had no funeral, no memorial, and I didn't publish an obit. The cost to the funeral home was about $4000 which covered the cost of transport of my husband's body, copies of the death certificate, and cremation. I provided the urn.

A good friend just buried his father on his farm. A huge pot-luck celebration of life, and a funeral service. No cost other than a $100 donation to the pastor. His father died at home so there were no transportation costs.

Services for the passing of a loved one can be as expensive as the family decides to make it. People have a mistaken idea that certain expenses must be part of the passing, but that is not so. I wish we had the kind of real estate that would permit for what you described - I'd love a completely green burial. But where we live that is not possible on our own land. Have to settle for cremation and scattered ashes at a place I love.

[WellPreserved]

Here's my strange question - does a family have to have a "funeral"? I mean, that seems expensive to me, and I could have a memorial service at my house for a lot less than that. Is all that money just for taking care of the remains, or does it include the service, flowers, etc.? Really curious, do you know?

When my husband passed away in 2022, we had no funeral, no memorial, and I didn't publish an obit. The cost to the funeral home was about $4000 which covered the cost of transport of my husband's body, copies of the death certificate, and cremation. I provided the urn.

A good friend just buried his father on his farm. A huge pot-luck celebration of life, and a funeral service. No cost other than a $100 donation to the pastor. His father died at home so there were no transportation costs.

Services for the passing of a loved one can be as expensive as the family decides to make it. People have a mistaken idea that certain expenses must be part of the passing, but that is not so. I wish we had the kind of real estate that would permit for what you described - I'd love a completely green burial. But where we live that is not possible on our own land. Have to settle for cremation and scattered ashes at a place I love.

We have a green burial organization in our county and I recently discovered, through them, that I can be buried in my backyard if I wish and I live on a 1 acre lot in town! I think it really depends on the state but with the rise in green burials and the cost associated with traditional burial, I hope that states loosen restrictions.

[cgd5112]

Ugh ... I've thought about the prepay thing for a while. Did I just give away money? What if my crazy aunt decides to donate her body to science or cremation? But over the past close to ten years,I think I've made the right choice. My Inlaws bought their plot back in the 70s- dirt cheap compared to today's costs. They're Catholic and don't believe in cremation ( though I think it is now ok to do so but I'm not sure). The cemetery they have their plot in is still going strong.
I really like the idea of a green funeral/burial. I don't know what the laws are here where we live, but I'll definitely look it up now.

Here's my strange question - does a family have to have a "funeral"? I mean, that seems expensive to me, and I could have a memorial service at my house for a lot less than that. Is all that money just for taking care of the remains, or does it include the service, flowers, etc.? Really curious, do you know?

Funerals are not required, nor are lengthly obituaries. Some states require a "death notice" to be published in a newspaper of record (each county or state designates a large distribution newspaper) so any potential debtors or heirs can come forward.

Quite a few of our neighbors and family members have declined to have a funeral held. The family had a private gathering at the time of cremation or burial. Some have had a "celebration of life" gathering a few months later.

It is possible the OP's aunt has been the target of a high-pressure sales pitch to make advance arrangements. A lot can change in a few years, and I would not pre-pay anything. Write down your wishes, and make clear to your family what you want. Set aside funds if needed and have that spelled out in the Will.

[WellPreserved]

After speaking with our local funeral director and the funeral director who took care of my father, I’m convinced that my Aunt is a victim of a predatory scam now I just have to figure out a way to tell her.

[Vegaswife2011]

After speaking with our local funeral director and the funeral director who took care of my father, I’m convinced that my Aunt is a victim of a predatory scam now I just have to figure out a way to tell her.

Oh no!! That’s awful.