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LiveWhatULove
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Anonymous 5 wrote: Thu Feb 02, 2023 5:40 am
Anonymous 6 wrote: Thu Feb 02, 2023 2:03 am
Anonymous 5 wrote: Wed Feb 01, 2023 5:48 pm Maybe he just can't bring himself to see his parents like that.
He needs to be an adult and be there for his mother. No one wants to see their parents like that. No one likes visiting hospitals. But most of us do it anyway because these are our loved ones, our family. But this man is leaving his sister to carry this weight all on her own. She’s going to be there for her mother so she doesn’t die alone just like she did for her father. That’s really selfish of him.
No he doesn't need to do anything different. It's not selfish that he can't handle it. You are disgusting.

Where has OP been while bro has been taking care of their parents on his own for years? It's pretty selfish she has not helped like he has and has made him do it.
To clarify — this is NOT about “taking care of them.”The is about communicating with them — specifically calling his father during his last week alive and attending the last birthday party his mother will have. These are not huge tasks that take immense money, time, or even cause severe discomfort.

Assuming our parents were kind & giving people during their life and sacrificed much to raise us, providing them emotional comfort with a visit or phone call, during their final time alive on this Earth is the “right” thing to do. To deny them that, is selfish, no matter the motive.

I can sympathize with “not wanting to see your parents like this” BUT this case specifically, is not a long slow slip into dementia where the parent does not even know the difference, these are elders who are experiment sadness at the silence from their son!

Life is full of unpleasantness at times, be it at the start of a family — with sleep deprivation and colic OR at the end of life when parents are no longe the vibrant figures they used to be, but as a culture we should value both ends of the life span and realize it’s important to support each other. You don’t just disappear, when the elder needs you.
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Anonymous 6 wrote: Thu Feb 02, 2023 2:03 am
Anonymous 5 wrote: Wed Feb 01, 2023 5:48 pm Maybe he just can't bring himself to see his parents like that.
He needs to be an adult and be there for his mother. No one wants to see their parents like that. No one likes visiting hospitals. But most of us do it anyway because these are our loved ones, our family. But this man is leaving his sister to carry this weight all on her own. She’s going to be there for her mother so she doesn’t die alone just like she did for her father. That’s really selfish of him.
No. He is an adult and he can make any choice he wants. trying to force someone to be around is always nurse.

I was a hospice nurse for 20 years. She doesn't have to carry any weight for him, she is making that choice.
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Just ignore Bacon. She is the most judgey, rude person on here. I'm sorry you are going through this.
Anonymous 1 wrote: Wed Feb 01, 2023 3:33 pm
Baconqueen13 wrote: Wed Feb 01, 2023 2:21 pm Did you ever think maybe he's just busy? Or maybe he doesn't want to actively watch his parents dying....nothing has to have happened, he just processes differently and doesn't want his last memory of them to be negative. You're being an ass about it trying to guilt trip him into doing something he clearly doesn't want to do by inviting all sorts of people and throwing a party.
How am I being an asshole when I haven't said two words to him about it? Trying to guilt trip HIM by planning a birthday party for my mom? That I asked him about first? What?????
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LiveWhatULove wrote: Thu Feb 02, 2023 8:20 am
Anonymous 5 wrote: Thu Feb 02, 2023 5:40 am
Anonymous 6 wrote: Thu Feb 02, 2023 2:03 am

He needs to be an adult and be there for his mother. No one wants to see their parents like that. No one likes visiting hospitals. But most of us do it anyway because these are our loved ones, our family. But this man is leaving his sister to carry this weight all on her own. She’s going to be there for her mother so she doesn’t die alone just like she did for her father. That’s really selfish of him.
No he doesn't need to do anything different. It's not selfish that he can't handle it. You are disgusting.

Where has OP been while bro has been taking care of their parents on his own for years? It's pretty selfish she has not helped like he has and has made him do it.
To clarify — this is NOT about “taking care of them.”The is about communicating with them — specifically calling his father during his last week alive and attending the last birthday party his mother will have. These are not huge tasks that take immense money, time, or even cause severe discomfort.

Assuming our parents were kind & giving people during their life and sacrificed much to raise us, providing them emotional comfort with a visit or phone call, during their final time alive on this Earth is the “right” thing to do. To deny them that, is selfish, no matter the motive.

I can sympathize with “not wanting to see your parents like this” BUT this case specifically, is not a long slow slip into dementia where the parent does not even know the difference, these are elders who are experiment sadness at the silence from their son!

Life is full of unpleasantness at times, be it at the start of a family — with sleep deprivation and colic OR at the end of life when parents are no longe the vibrant figures they used to be, but as a culture we should value both ends of the life span and realize it’s important to support each other. You don’t just disappear, when the elder needs you.
I have the same philosophy as you, but not everyone does. There's people that can't handle grief as well as some of us.
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Anonymous 6 wrote: Thu Feb 02, 2023 2:03 am
Anonymous 5 wrote: Wed Feb 01, 2023 5:48 pm Maybe he just can't bring himself to see his parents like that.
He needs to be an adult and be there for his mother. No one wants to see their parents like that. No one likes visiting hospitals. But most of us do it anyway because these are our loved ones, our family. But this man is leaving his sister to carry this weight all on her own. She’s going to be there for her mother so she doesn’t die alone just like she did for her father. That’s really selfish of him.
I agree but we all have our reasons.
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