I told my ex he couldn't take the kids on a trip after all.

[Anonymous 1]

But that's life? They are of the age that they will constantly be meeting people, traveling with people, and even sharing a room with people that they have never met.

I have never once gone on a trip with a stranger. That is not a normal part of life.

You never went to camp, overnight school trips, sporting tournaments, band trips, church retreats, college...?

I did some of those and none of those times were trips with strangers. I always knew who I was going with.

[Anonymous 1]

Wow, that must make experiencing many of the social norms & rites of passages for adolescents in our society challenging. But you’re the mom, so you know your kids best!

Nope not really. They have everything their friends have. I just get to know the parents a little before my kids just spend the weekend away with them. The parents of their friends all did the same. It's weird how many people are just willing to allow their kids to run off with strangers in this society.

I mean, she's not a complete or random stranger. It's not like you don't know or can't find out her full name, address, birthdate, etc. And your ex knows her. I probably wouldn't let them go alone with her but that was never even proposed. Plus, they aren't as vulnerable as little kids. This is all your prerogative and if you really do have full custody and dad really has shown poor judgement, I would think most people are understanding of that. But it does seem like you're harping on the "stranger" thing a little too hard. They're going to be with their father. *shrug*

I know nothing about her besides her first name.

[Anonymous 1]

This is their dad, who you trusted enough to take them on a trip solo. They are teenagers. They are old enough to know that sometimes in life you do things even if they make you a bit uncomfortable. If I were you I would encourage my kids to go into the trip with an open mind and give the new girlfriend a shot. I would remind them that this is important to their father and therefore that makes it important to them as well.

But they're your kids. You do you.

I was iffy about the trip since the break up but I was willing to see how it went. He proved that he is back to making bad decisions.

If my kids wanted to go I might feel differently but they don't.

[Anonymous 1]

Right?

And not even all the trips — My 14 year old just did a sleep over and I may or may not be able to pick the parent(s) out of a line-up. I certainly cannot be friends with all the parents in 4 kids’ friend groups, once they hit adolescence.

I'm not friends with all my 5 kids friends parents either but i can pick all of them out of line up if i needed to. (Maybe because we live in a small town and they have been going to school with these kids for years) That's scary that you can't imo. But you're the mom, you know your kids best too.

There are just too many once they become teens. I mean if each child has 5 good friends that is 10 people often 12-15 (given divorce) and for 3 kids that’s 50 people — come on, it’s not that realistic that you would know them all very well unless it’s a town of 400 or a school class of 30 — so you call it scary, I call it being realistic…

I know the parents of all of the kids my kids are friends with. We don't live in a tiny town but it is pretty small. Most people either know someone or at least one of their family members.

[Conweis]

I agree with you. This is really early for the kids to meet his love interest. Now if he was friends with this woman for a long time and had already been around the kids, as a friend, it would be different.

[Anonymous 8]

I was with you up until this. But with this nugget of info, I disagree with you.

They are teens with their own moral values who have been and will be put in situations with adults & others who they do not know that well. They can call you and communicate if things were to go awry. At 14, I shared a hotel room on a school trip without my parents at all, and just some strange parent chaperone. In just 3 years, one will likely be sharing a room with a complete stranger at college.

I think this level of control, keeping them away from their father at such a critical time prior to adulthood, is unhealthy.

She's stated that kids don't want to meet the gf yet. Their father isn't going to spend quality time with the kids if the new gf tags along. This is dads time to spend with the kids on vacation not meet the new gf and be stuck in an uncomfortable situation time. If he wants them to meet his gf it needs to be on a different time and day.

She obviously knows what is best for her children.

For my children — I would not entertain this, as just this summer, they did not want to go to a recent family reunion to meet extended family, as they did not want to meet or visit with them. And I knew, despite their wishes, there is value in meeting their extended family. They also sometimes prefer not to go to the park or outings with me — I make them go anyway, and have no regrets, it is beneficial.

I personally value the moments my children have with their father, and I would not let them dictate avoiding these unless their was a safety concern. And I do not think an adult women that their father has deemed as a person of value in his life, is a safety concern AT these ages.

I listen to my children, I do value their emotions, but ultimately this is the same age group infamous for “oh my gosh mom, you can’t wear that, how cringe” when you are dressed absolutely appropriately, lol. So context is important, there is nothing dangerous or sinister here.

I'm always amazed by the amount of people in here who do let their children call the shots. Children have to be made to do things. If they made all of the decisions in life, there'd be a bunch of unwashed, uneducated kids eating birthday cake for breakfast.

[Conweis]

This is their dad, who you trusted enough to take them on a trip solo. They are teenagers. They are old enough to know that sometimes in life you do things even if they make you a bit uncomfortable. If I were you I would encourage my kids to go into the trip with an open mind and give the new girlfriend a shot. I would remind them that this is important to their father and therefore that makes it important to them as well.

But they're your kids. You do you.

I always tell my kids leave an uncomfortable situation. If this is important to dad, he would take his kids feelings into consideration.
I been dating my bf for four months. I considered him coming on our camping trip next month. It would be easier and more enjoyable for me to have another adult on that trip. But my kids haven't met him yet and on a family bonding trip isn't the right time.

[Anonymous 9]

You're doing a great job at parental alienation, OP. FWIW, the courts frown on that kind of thing.

My kids can talk to their dad whenever they want. That's why they have their own cell phones. Not allowing a trip that they feel uncomfortable with is not parental alienation.

There's a lot more to parental alienation than just not letting them talk to him. Restricting the time spent with him, talking negatively about him (if you can tell us all that he made bad choices then I'm sure you're telling them too), making them scared to meet his new girlfriend, all of those are means of parental alientation.

By the way, what exactly are the bad choices he's been making for years?

[Anonymous 7]

You're doing a great job at parental alienation, OP. FWIW, the courts frown on that kind of thing.

My kids can talk to their dad whenever they want. That's why they have their own cell phones. Not allowing a trip that they feel uncomfortable with is not parental alienation.

There's a lot more to parental alienation than just not letting them talk to him. Restricting the time spent with him, talking negatively about him (if you can tell us all that he made bad choices then I'm sure you're telling them too), making them scared to meet his new girlfriend, all of those are means of parental alientation.

By the way, what exactly are the bad choices he's been making for years?

Why do you assume they are being made to feel this way? They are old enough to have their own feelings and express them. Why would you assume she's bad mouthing their dad in front of them just because she's here having conversations with adults? I talk all sorts of shit about my ex here but do not say those things to my 15 year old because it's inappropriate. She's not even restricting time with him.

[Anonymous 7]

I agree with you. This is really early for the kids to meet his love interest. Now if he was friends with this woman for a long time and had already been around the kids, as a friend, it would be different.

I was beginning to think me and op were the only ones who thought it was too early to meet the gf. These ladies are crazy and most just want to argue and i bet they don't even believe what they are telling OP. I guarantee most wouldn't allow their kids to go on the trip ether.