I gave her cancer!

[Godstar]

Healing prayers and love.

[Anonymous 1]

Healing prayers and love.

Thank you very much.

[Anonymous 5]

I say this as respectfully as possible. This is not about you. It is not about what you want done. It is not about how you want to help. It’s just not.

First Chemo is not the same as it was 20 years ago. The medication cocktail varies, somewhat, it’s not a one size fits all. The side effects are far more manageable than in the past. Also just because chemo made you so sick that you couldn’t function does not mean it will have the same effect on her. Some people never miss a day of work during chemo. I was not one of those people but they do exist. I have seen them. A great deal changes in the medical world in 20 years.

Not everyone who has cancer needs chemo, or radiation especially after a successful surgery to remove the cancer. The answer is in the pathology report from the surgery. It is definitely a good idea to understand all the possible outcomes. However, to determine how that someone will definitely be the worst case scenario is doing them a great disservice. You simply do not know.

Things change. Oncologist now work with social workers to make sure patients do not have to choose between chemo and rent. Programs for temporary assistance exist and should be presented to the patient.

In the hospital where I receive chemo there is a box, like a suggestion box, you drop in your utility bills, rent or mortgage statement. Those bills are removed and paid directly on behave of the patient.
No every chemo treatment center has that option but they don’t have to. The assistance available is 100 times greater than in the past.

I realize that your heart is breaking for your child. Please don’t let that fear become anger, because anger is not going to help your child or grandchild. This is not about what you want done, or what helps you cope. This is about what your daughter wants and how she needs to cope. It is possible that maintaining her own home for her child, is the lighthouse in her storm. If she needs to change that, she will, but please don’t pull that out from under her now. It could weaken her determination and she needs every ounce of determination she has.

Uh, she spends nights here on the regular. In fact she & the baby are here over night tonight because we are expecting snow storm.

She keeps the apartment because she has 2 cats that dh will not let her bring here. She's literally only at her apartment to sleep.

It does not matter why she wants to keep her apartment. It is her apartment and her decision to make.

I failed to mention that in many cases counseling is now offered to cancer patients and sometimes their caregivers. It is as important as any other treatment. I wish it had been part of the treatment plan the first time I had cancer in 1983. The physical emotion and mental pain and intensity of that experience haunted me for decades.

[Anonymous 6]

You sound extremely self centered. I'm so glad my mom was caring and loves me unconditionally.

[Lemons]

I say this as respectfully as possible. This is not about you. It is not about what you want done. It is not about how you want to help. It’s just not.

First Chemo is not the same as it was 20 years ago. The medication cocktail varies, somewhat, it’s not a one size fits all. The side effects are far more manageable than in the past. Also just because chemo made you so sick that you couldn’t function does not mean it will have the same effect on her. Some people never miss a day of work during chemo. I was not one of those people but they do exist. I have seen them. A great deal changes in the medical world in 20 years.

Not everyone who has cancer needs chemo, or radiation especially after a successful surgery to remove the cancer. The answer is in the pathology report from the surgery. It is definitely a good idea to understand all the possible outcomes. However, to determine how that someone will definitely be the worst case scenario is doing them a great disservice. You simply do not know.

Things change. Oncologist now work with social workers to make sure patients do not have to choose between chemo and rent. Programs for temporary assistance exist and should be presented to the patient.

In the hospital where I receive chemo there is a box, like a suggestion box, you drop in your utility bills, rent or mortgage statement. Those bills are removed and paid directly on behave of the patient.
No every chemo treatment center has that option but they don’t have to. The assistance available is 100 times greater than in the past.

I realize that your heart is breaking for your child. Please don’t let that fear become anger, because anger is not going to help your child or grandchild. This is not about what you want done, or what helps you cope. This is about what your daughter wants and how she needs to cope. It is possible that maintaining her own home for her child, is the lighthouse in her storm. If she needs to change that, she will, but please don’t pull that out from under her now. It could weaken her determination and she needs every ounce of determination she has.

Uh, she spends nights here on the regular. In fact she & the baby are here over night tonight because we are expecting snow storm.

She keeps the apartment because she has 2 cats that dh will not let her bring here. She's literally only at her apartment to sleep.

It does not matter why she wants to keep her apartment. It is her apartment and her decision to make.

I failed to mention that in many cases counseling is now offered to cancer patients and sometimes their caregivers. It is as important as any other treatment. I wish it had been part of the treatment plan the first time I had cancer in 1983. The physical emotion and mental pain and intensity of that experience haunted me for decades.

Treatment has made progress by being able to identify different types of cancer and different treatment treatments. But they haven’t come that far. Women still need to put toxic drugs in their systems, they still need radiation, they still lose all their hair, the medication still needs hours to drip into your vein and Neulasta still makes many women feel like they have the worst flu ever experienced.

Her daughter is very young, a single mother and must be terrified. I had a husband, children, sisters, mother, in-laws, we owned our home, no money worries and I was still full of anxiety.

Her mother is concerned that her daughter won’t be able to pay for her apartment. She’s also concerned that she won’t be able to meet her daughter’s needs. Her daughter might not be realistic in wanting to keep her apartment although I don’t blame her for wanting to keep it. If she’s in financial trouble she should be focusing on looking at programs geared towards women like her. Daycare subsidies, food benefits, rent assistance, anything to help her get through this.

[Anonymous 1]

You sound extremely self centered. I'm so glad my mom was caring and loves me unconditionally.

Yes it's very self centered of me to want dd to move in with the family, so we can all rally around her & help her through her cancer treatments. LMOA

[Anonymous 3]

It's hugely far when your dd can't get out of bed to take care of your grandchild because she's exhausted from chemotherapy...

You are assuming she's going to need chemo. You do not get to dictate someone's life like you're trying to do.

If you feel like she needs someone 24/7 then you can move in with her. 25 mins is not that far

I should move in with her???

I should move out of the family home where my husband & other daughter live as opposed to her moving in with the family where we can all rally around her & help her???

My dh & I work to pay our bills , will YOU be sending my dd money to pay her bills when she can't work ?

Yes YOU are the one throwing a temper tantrum because your ADULT daughter doesn't want to do what you say, because she's an adult. So if you feel like she's going to need you like that then yes it's on YOU to move. You want her to move out of the home she's made with her child yet can't fathom moving out of your own home? Selfish. If i were your daughter I'd tell you to stay away.

Why would i send your dd money? She's capable of figuring it on her own.

But again you are ASSuming she's going to have the s exact experience as you which she might not. She does not have to do what you say.

[Anonymous 3]

I should move in with her???

I should move out of the family home where my husband & other daughter live as opposed to her moving in with the family where we can all rally around her & help her???

My dh & I work to pay our bills , will YOU be sending my dd money to pay her bills when she can't work ?

You are freaking out before you even know how things will go. IF your DD is struggling caring for herself and child then she will come to you. She'll have no choice. Just wait and see how things turn out.

I'm a 18 yr survivor of the cancer she has. I do know how things will go. In fact she has appts with the drs who saved my life!

My dd is already struggling before the cancer dx. We have the baby every day & have to help her financially all the time.

She's going to wait until she's having the chemo to make the decision to finally move home. Which will leave my husband, I and her sister to financially take care of things , pack her things & move her, all while trying to work our jobs, take care of her & her baby.

Sweetie you had this EIGHTEEN years ago. Do you know how much research has been done? So you realize how much more advanced medical science is now. Just because you went through something almost 2 decades ago does not mean your dd or anyone else is going to have the same experience as you..

You stated she was going to have a mastectomy... Did YOU have one? Or did you just go through treatment?

You should like you don't want to really help her. You sound like you just want to control her.

You don't have to help watch her baby or bail her out. But you do. And then hold it over her head to manipulate her into doing what you want. I feel so sorry for your children.

[Beachbrat]

It's hugely far when your dd can't get out of bed to take care of your grandchild because she's exhausted from chemotherapy...

So you drive over there to take care of her or stay there on bad days. She's going through enough without having to move as well.

I'm supposed to work at my job, take & pick up the baby from daycare. Go to drs appts with my dd and drive over to her apt to take care of her or try to stay there as opposed to her moving in with us and making it easier for us to help her.
As it is I pick the baby up from daycare on my way home from work Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday & watch him till she gets out of work. I also watch him all day Thursdays, Fridays & half of Saturday (he spends the night Thurs & friday). She's at our house every night til 7-730 pm. She eats dinner at our house 6 days a week.
Only day we don't see her or the baby is Sunday and that's because we had told her we needed a day off. stop complaining about the help you offer to give. If It's such an inconvenience stop doing it.

Will YOU be paying her $1035/month rent when she can't work????Why do you keep asking this when others give a suggestion you don't like? Of course we aren't.

My dh ( her dad) works 4 , 10 hr days , hes already agreed to work an extra 6-8 hrs on the 5th day, to cover the baby's daycare costs, so I can continue to work, watch the baby & go to drs appts with our dd.That's his choice. He Doesn't have to do that. If she is that financial bad off she most likely qualifies for gov assistance especially because she's sick. Which would help with daycare and food and possibly even cash assistance.

Dd has family Court in Feb for child support from the father, he's only paid $300 in 5 months. DH & I keep having to help her financially. In fact she saw my old breast surgeon in 2017 ( she wanted a reduction, that never happened) and there's a $87 balance that needs to be paid before the Dr will see her.Guess who gets to pay it??? DH & I will split it....

Hell, my dad ( her grandpa) gave me $2000 to help cover some of her bills during her maternity leave & some of daycare when she went back to work. ( My dad got pissed when he found out I was using my savings to pay her bills. " He would rather help us financially now if we need it while he's alive.") Then let him help now.

When do the rest of us get to say enough is enough? YOU decided to help. No one FORCED you to do so, you are welcome to say this at any time. But you won't. You will bitch and complain and act like your child and grand child are an inconvenience. And you wonder why she doesn't want to move back in with you.

Honestly we are beat up financially by dds decisions in life, esp the baby .Though I wouldn't give up my grandson for anything & will spend every penny of my inheritance fighting for custody if my dd passes away.Wow tell us how you really feel about your grandchild. Kind odd you would spend every bit of your inheritance fighting for the baby if she passes but not while your dd is alive. Smh.

I understand she's sick but it's time for her to understand, she needs to do what's best for the family esp the baby and not just her all the time. We can't cover her financially for the time it takes to beat a disease like this. It will kill us financially & emotionally, all so she can spend about a total of 20 hrs / wk in an apartment that every one else is killing themselves financially to pay for her bills, let alone their own bills. No one but your dd is responsible for her bills. You CHOOSE to bail her out.

I know that she knows I will inherit a lot of money and can ask for money at any time from my dad but i don't take advantage of it. Dh & I work hard to support ourselves & our family. We don't ask for money from my dad on the regular. but asking your dad, her grand father to help when his granddaughter is sick is the time to ask. But again you just want to bitch Ave complain./color]

[Anonymous 1]

You are assuming she's going to need chemo. You do not get to dictate someone's life like you're trying to do.

If you feel like she needs someone 24/7 then you can move in with her. 25 mins is not that far

I should move in with her???

I should move out of the family home where my husband & other daughter live as opposed to her moving in with the family where we can all rally around her & help her???

My dh & I work to pay our bills , will YOU be sending my dd money to pay her bills when she can't work ?

Yes YOU are the one throwing a temper tantrum because your ADULT daughter doesn't want to do what you say, because she's an adult. So if you feel like she's going to need you like that then yes it's on YOU to move. You want her to move out of the home she's made with her child yet can't fathom moving out of your own home? Selfish. If i were your daughter I'd tell you to stay away.

Why would i send your dd money? She's capable of figuring it on her own.

But again you are ASSuming she's going to have the s exact experience as you which she might not. She does not have to do what you say.

You are too funny. My dd spends all her time ( when she's not working) Here at the family home and just has an apartment because she has 2 cats.

In fact she & the baby spent the night at our family home last night because we just had a snow storm , SHE didn't want to be home alone at her apartment. Lmao

As a matter of fact my dh ( her dad) got up with the baby @ 4am this morning. Had the bottle made & warming up. Was changing the baby's diaper when dd woke up.

Thats what she needs THE FAMILY to rally & help her day & night. Not just 1 person ( me) running myself into the ground to take care of her & the baby.

She won't be able to pay for the apartment when she has chemo & can't work. She will chose to move home. She doesn't even get child support yet from the baby's father. 1st court date is Feb 4. I'm constantly getting texts that she may need help ( $$) and end up Zelleing her money to either help cover daycare ( which btw the daycare does not accept government assistance) or some bill that needs to be paid. She was doing fine financially until she had the baby.

She needs to make the decision to move home before she gets in real financial trouble or can't help pack & move her belongings. How would dh , myself & her sister know what to put in storage as opposed to what she wants at the family home?

Some of you can't see the bigger picture & sound like such fools.. Lmao