I gave her cancer!

[Anonymous 1]

Since when is 25 minutes far?

It's hugely far when your dd can't get out of bed to take care of your grandchild because she's exhausted from chemotherapy...

So you drive over there to take care of her or stay there on bad days. She's going through enough without having to move as well.

I'm supposed to work at my job, take & pick up the baby from daycare. Go to drs appts with my dd and drive over to her apt to take care of her or try to stay there as opposed to her moving in with us and making it easier for us to help her.
As it is I pick the baby up from daycare on my way home from work Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday & watch him till she gets out of work. I also watch him all day Thursdays, Fridays & half of Saturday (he spends the night Thurs & friday). She's at our house every night til 7-730 pm. She eats dinner at our house 6 days a week.
Only day we don't see her or the baby is Sunday and that's because we had told her we needed a day off.

Will YOU be paying her $1035/month rent when she can't work????

My dh ( her dad) works 4 , 10 hr days , hes already agreed to work an extra 6-8 hrs on the 5th day, to cover the baby's daycare costs, so I can continue to work, watch the baby & go to drs appts with our dd.

Dd has family Court in Feb for child support from the father, he's only paid $300 in 5 months. DH & I keep having to help her financially. In fact she saw my old breast surgeon in 2017 ( she wanted a reduction, that never happened) and there's a $87 balance that needs to be paid before the Dr will see her.Guess who gets to pay it??? DH & I will split it....

Hell, my dad ( her grandpa) gave me $2000 to help cover some of her bills during her maternity leave & some of daycare when she went back to work. ( My dad got pissed when he found out I was using my savings to pay her bills. " He would rather help us financially now if we need it while he's alive.")

When do the rest of us get to say enough is enough?

Honestly we are beat up financially by dds decisions in life, esp the baby .Though I wouldn't give up my grandson for anything & will spend every penny of my inheritance fighting for custody if my dd passes away.

I understand she's sick but it's time for her to understand, she needs to do what's best for the family esp the baby and not just her all the time. We can't cover her financially for the time it takes to beat a disease like this. It will kill us financially & emotionally, all so she can spend about a total of 20 hrs / wk in an apartment that every one else is killing themselves financially to pay for her bills, let alone their own bills.

I know that she knows I will inherit a lot of money and can ask for money at any time from my dad but i don't take advantage of it. Dh & I work hard to support ourselves & our family. We don't ask for money from my dad on the regular.

[Anonymous 3]

Since when is 25 minutes far?

It's hugely far when your dd can't get out of bed to take care of your grandchild because she's exhausted from chemotherapy...

You are assuming she's going to need chemo. You do not get to dictate someone's life like you're trying to do.

If you feel like she needs someone 24/7 then you can move in with her. 25 mins is not that far

[Anonymous 1]

Since when is 25 minutes far?

It's hugely far when your dd can't get out of bed to take care of your grandchild because she's exhausted from chemotherapy...

You are assuming she's going to need chemo. You do not get to dictate someone's life like you're trying to do.

If you feel like she needs someone 24/7 then you can move in with her. 25 mins is not that far

I should move in with her???

I should move out of the family home where my husband & other daughter live as opposed to her moving in with the family where we can all rally around her & help her???

My dh & I work to pay our bills , will YOU be sending my dd money to pay her bills when she can't work ?

[Anonymous 4]

It's hugely far when your dd can't get out of bed to take care of your grandchild because she's exhausted from chemotherapy...

You are assuming she's going to need chemo. You do not get to dictate someone's life like you're trying to do.

If you feel like she needs someone 24/7 then you can move in with her. 25 mins is not that far

I should move in with her???

I should move out of the family home where my husband & other daughter live as opposed to her moving in with the family where we can all rally around her & help her???

My dh & I work to pay our bills , will YOU be sending my dd money to pay her bills when she can't work ?

You are freaking out before you even know how things will go. IF your DD is struggling caring for herself and child then she will come to you. She'll have no choice. Just wait and see how things turn out.

[Anonymous 1]

You are assuming she's going to need chemo. You do not get to dictate someone's life like you're trying to do.

If you feel like she needs someone 24/7 then you can move in with her. 25 mins is not that far

I should move in with her???

I should move out of the family home where my husband & other daughter live as opposed to her moving in with the family where we can all rally around her & help her???

My dh & I work to pay our bills , will YOU be sending my dd money to pay her bills when she can't work ?

You are freaking out before you even know how things will go. IF your DD is struggling caring for herself and child then she will come to you. She'll have no choice. Just wait and see how things turn out.

I'm a 18 yr survivor of the cancer she has. I do know how things will go. In fact she has appts with the drs who saved my life!

My dd is already struggling before the cancer dx. We have the baby every day & have to help her financially all the time.

She's going to wait until she's having the chemo to make the decision to finally move home. Which will leave my husband, I and her sister to financially take care of things , pack her things & move her, all while trying to work our jobs, take care of her & her baby.

[Lemons]

It's hugely far when your dd can't get out of bed to take care of your grandchild because she's exhausted from chemotherapy...

You are assuming she's going to need chemo. You do not get to dictate someone's life like you're trying to do.

If you feel like she needs someone 24/7 then you can move in with her. 25 mins is not that far

I should move in with her???

I should move out of the family home where my husband & other daughter live as opposed to her moving in with the family where we can all rally around her & help her???

My dh & I work to pay our bills , will YOU be sending my dd money to pay her bills when she can't work ?

Most mothers would move in with their sick daughter in a second. no question. She might end up moving back anyway but why have these negative thoughts already?

If your father is leaving you a large inheritance why not ask him to give your daughter some of it now?

[Pjmm]

It's hugely far when your dd can't get out of bed to take care of your grandchild because she's exhausted from chemotherapy...

So you drive over there to take care of her or stay there on bad days. She's going through enough without having to move as well.

I'm supposed to work at my job, take & pick up the baby from daycare. Go to drs appts with my dd and drive over to her apt to take care of her or try to stay there as opposed to her moving in with us and making it easier for us to help her.
As it is I pick the baby up from daycare on my way home from work Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday & watch him till she gets out of work. I also watch him all day Thursdays, Fridays & half of Saturday (he spends the night Thurs & friday). She's at our house every night til 7-730 pm. She eats dinner at our house 6 days a week.
Only day we don't see her or the baby is Sunday and that's because we had told her we needed a day off.

Will YOU be paying her $1035/month rent when she can't work????

My dh ( her dad) works 4 , 10 hr days , hes already agreed to work an extra 6-8 hrs on the 5th day, to cover the baby's daycare costs, so I can continue to work, watch the baby & go to drs appts with our dd.

Dd has family Court in Feb for child support from the father, he's only paid $300 in 5 months. DH & I keep having to help her financially. In fact she saw my old breast surgeon in 2017 ( she wanted a reduction, that never happened) and there's a $87 balance that needs to be paid before the Dr will see her.Guess who gets to pay it??? DH & I will split it....

Hell, my dad ( her grandpa) gave me $2000 to help cover some of her bills during her maternity leave & some of daycare when she went back to work. ( My dad got pissed when he found out I was using my savings to pay her bills. " He would rather help us financially now if we need it while he's alive.")

When do the rest of us get to say enough is enough?

Honestly we are beat up financially by dds decisions in life, esp the baby .Though I wouldn't give up my grandson for anything & will spend every penny of my inheritance fighting for custody if my dd passes away.

I understand she's sick but it's time for her to understand, she needs to do what's best for the family esp the baby and not just her all the time. We can't cover her financially for the time it takes to beat a disease like this. It will kill us financially & emotionally, all so she can spend about a total of 20 hrs / wk in an apartment that every one else is killing themselves financially to pay for her bills, let alone their own bills.

I know that she knows I will inherit a lot of money and can ask for money at any time from my dad but i don't take advantage of it. Dh & I work hard to support ourselves & our family. We don't ask for money from my dad on the regular.

Well I agree you don’t know yet how things might turn out. She may qualify for temporary disability until she can go back to work. She may also quality for daycare assistance or TANF. She may not need chemo if she has a double mastectomy. Right now you all should sit down with her, the doctor, and discuss all the options. Then all of you can discuss the financial aspect of it. Moving while she’s sick will be difficult and then she’s got to pick up her life when she recovers. Idk what her life’s decisions are but that’s a lot of rent for anyone when the baby’s dad doesn’t pay squat. A lot of the blame should fall on that idiot. Is there a garnishment in place for his check or is he dodging that?

[Anonymous 2]

It's hugely far when your dd can't get out of bed to take care of your grandchild because she's exhausted from chemotherapy...

So you drive over there to take care of her or stay there on bad days. She's going through enough without having to move as well.

I'm supposed to work at my job, take & pick up the baby from daycare. Go to drs appts with my dd and drive over to her apt to take care of her or try to stay there as opposed to her moving in with us and making it easier for us to help her.
As it is I pick the baby up from daycare on my way home from work Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday & watch him till she gets out of work. I also watch him all day Thursdays, Fridays & half of Saturday (he spends the night Thurs & friday). She's at our house every night til 7-730 pm. She eats dinner at our house 6 days a week.
Only day we don't see her or the baby is Sunday and that's because we had told her we needed a day off.

Will YOU be paying her $1035/month rent when she can't work????

My dh ( her dad) works 4 , 10 hr days , hes already agreed to work an extra 6-8 hrs on the 5th day, to cover the baby's daycare costs, so I can continue to work, watch the baby & go to drs appts with our dd.

Dd has family Court in Feb for child support from the father, he's only paid $300 in 5 months. DH & I keep having to help her financially. In fact she saw my old breast surgeon in 2017 ( she wanted a reduction, that never happened) and there's a $87 balance that needs to be paid before the Dr will see her.Guess who gets to pay it??? DH & I will split it....

Hell, my dad ( her grandpa) gave me $2000 to help cover some of her bills during her maternity leave & some of daycare when she went back to work. ( My dad got pissed when he found out I was using my savings to pay her bills. " He would rather help us financially now if we need it while he's alive.")

When do the rest of us get to say enough is enough?

Honestly we are beat up financially by dds decisions in life, esp the baby .Though I wouldn't give up my grandson for anything & will spend every penny of my inheritance fighting for custody if my dd passes away.

I understand she's sick but it's time for her to understand, she needs to do what's best for the family esp the baby and not just her all the time. We can't cover her financially for the time it takes to beat a disease like this. It will kill us financially & emotionally, all so she can spend about a total of 20 hrs / wk in an apartment that every one else is killing themselves financially to pay for her bills, let alone their own bills.

I know that she knows I will inherit a lot of money and can ask for money at any time from my dad but i don't take advantage of it. Dh & I work hard to support ourselves & our family. We don't ask for money from my dad on the regular.

None of that is really for you to figure out now is it. She isn't a child either she figures out how to pay her rent or she will have to move. Your job is to support her in her decisions the best you can and be there for her because that's what mothers do.
But honestly you got yourself in this situation. Watching the baby so she can work I get but you have put the stress of your adult child making ends meet on yourself. She should have been looking for daycare assistance, rent assistance, and a better job. There are programs out there to help women in her situation but you allowed her to just use you.
So now you have to deal with the hole you dug yourself into. But seriously you're here talking about how she's not going to be even able to get out of bed before you know a treatment plan. You're talking about fighting for custody of your grandson if she passes away without any clue what this is going to look like for her. You realize she could just appoint you guys as guardians if she's not going to beat this right? It doesn't have to be a fight.
Seriously just take a deep breath and chill because you are overreacting about money and how much you have to do for her and forgetting that she is your child and she is likely feeling terrified and overwhelmed by the fact she has cancer. Once you know a treatment plan sit down with her and help her come up with a plan for housing and paying bills. Direct her in applying for disability, food stamps, everything you can find to help her through this. Do what you should have done a long time ago and teach her how to be an adult. It doesn't just come naturally you know.

[Anonymous 4]

So you drive over there to take care of her or stay there on bad days. She's going through enough without having to move as well.

I'm supposed to work at my job, take & pick up the baby from daycare. Go to drs appts with my dd and drive over to her apt to take care of her or try to stay there as opposed to her moving in with us and making it easier for us to help her.
As it is I pick the baby up from daycare on my way home from work Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday & watch him till she gets out of work. I also watch him all day Thursdays, Fridays & half of Saturday (he spends the night Thurs & friday). She's at our house every night til 7-730 pm. She eats dinner at our house 6 days a week.
Only day we don't see her or the baby is Sunday and that's because we had told her we needed a day off.

Will YOU be paying her $1035/month rent when she can't work????

My dh ( her dad) works 4 , 10 hr days , hes already agreed to work an extra 6-8 hrs on the 5th day, to cover the baby's daycare costs, so I can continue to work, watch the baby & go to drs appts with our dd.

Dd has family Court in Feb for child support from the father, he's only paid $300 in 5 months. DH & I keep having to help her financially. In fact she saw my old breast surgeon in 2017 ( she wanted a reduction, that never happened) and there's a $87 balance that needs to be paid before the Dr will see her.Guess who gets to pay it??? DH & I will split it....

Hell, my dad ( her grandpa) gave me $2000 to help cover some of her bills during her maternity leave & some of daycare when she went back to work. ( My dad got pissed when he found out I was using my savings to pay her bills. " He would rather help us financially now if we need it while he's alive.")

When do the rest of us get to say enough is enough?

Honestly we are beat up financially by dds decisions in life, esp the baby .Though I wouldn't give up my grandson for anything & will spend every penny of my inheritance fighting for custody if my dd passes away.

I understand she's sick but it's time for her to understand, she needs to do what's best for the family esp the baby and not just her all the time. We can't cover her financially for the time it takes to beat a disease like this. It will kill us financially & emotionally, all so she can spend about a total of 20 hrs / wk in an apartment that every one else is killing themselves financially to pay for her bills, let alone their own bills.

I know that she knows I will inherit a lot of money and can ask for money at any time from my dad but i don't take advantage of it. Dh & I work hard to support ourselves & our family. We don't ask for money from my dad on the regular.

None of that is really for you to figure out now is it. She isn't a child either she figures out how to pay her rent or she will have to move. Your job is to support her in her decisions the best you can and be there for her because that's what mothers do.
But honestly you got yourself in this situation. Watching the baby so she can work I get but you have put the stress of your adult child making ends meet on yourself. She should have been looking for daycare assistance, rent assistance, and a better job. There are programs out there to help women in her situation but you allowed her to just use you.
So now you have to deal with the hole you dug yourself into. But seriously you're here talking about how she's not going to be even able to get out of bed before you know a treatment plan. You're talking about fighting for custody of your grandson if she passes away without any clue what this is going to look like for her. You realize she could just appoint you guys as guardians if she's not going to beat this right? It doesn't have to be a fight.
Seriously just take a deep breath and chill because you are overreacting about money and how much you have to do for her and forgetting that she is your child and she is likely feeling terrified and overwhelmed by the fact she has cancer. Once you know a treatment plan sit down with her and help her come up with a plan for housing and paying bills. Direct her in applying for disability, food stamps, everything you can find to help her through this. Do what you should have done a long time ago and teach her how to be an adult. It doesn't just come naturally you know.

You can't just 'will' your child to whomever. This child has a father (as mentioned in the DD's quest for child support)

[Anonymous 2]

I'm supposed to work at my job, take & pick up the baby from daycare. Go to drs appts with my dd and drive over to her apt to take care of her or try to stay there as opposed to her moving in with us and making it easier for us to help her.
As it is I pick the baby up from daycare on my way home from work Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday & watch him till she gets out of work. I also watch him all day Thursdays, Fridays & half of Saturday (he spends the night Thurs & friday). She's at our house every night til 7-730 pm. She eats dinner at our house 6 days a week.
Only day we don't see her or the baby is Sunday and that's because we had told her we needed a day off.

Will YOU be paying her $1035/month rent when she can't work????

My dh ( her dad) works 4 , 10 hr days , hes already agreed to work an extra 6-8 hrs on the 5th day, to cover the baby's daycare costs, so I can continue to work, watch the baby & go to drs appts with our dd.

Dd has family Court in Feb for child support from the father, he's only paid $300 in 5 months. DH & I keep having to help her financially. In fact she saw my old breast surgeon in 2017 ( she wanted a reduction, that never happened) and there's a $87 balance that needs to be paid before the Dr will see her.Guess who gets to pay it??? DH & I will split it....

Hell, my dad ( her grandpa) gave me $2000 to help cover some of her bills during her maternity leave & some of daycare when she went back to work. ( My dad got pissed when he found out I was using my savings to pay her bills. " He would rather help us financially now if we need it while he's alive.")

When do the rest of us get to say enough is enough?

Honestly we are beat up financially by dds decisions in life, esp the baby .Though I wouldn't give up my grandson for anything & will spend every penny of my inheritance fighting for custody if my dd passes away.

I understand she's sick but it's time for her to understand, she needs to do what's best for the family esp the baby and not just her all the time. We can't cover her financially for the time it takes to beat a disease like this. It will kill us financially & emotionally, all so she can spend about a total of 20 hrs / wk in an apartment that every one else is killing themselves financially to pay for her bills, let alone their own bills.

I know that she knows I will inherit a lot of money and can ask for money at any time from my dad but i don't take advantage of it. Dh & I work hard to support ourselves & our family. We don't ask for money from my dad on the regular.

None of that is really for you to figure out now is it. She isn't a child either she figures out how to pay her rent or she will have to move. Your job is to support her in her decisions the best you can and be there for her because that's what mothers do.
But honestly you got yourself in this situation. Watching the baby so she can work I get but you have put the stress of your adult child making ends meet on yourself. She should have been looking for daycare assistance, rent assistance, and a better job. There are programs out there to help women in her situation but you allowed her to just use you.
So now you have to deal with the hole you dug yourself into. But seriously you're here talking about how she's not going to be even able to get out of bed before you know a treatment plan. You're talking about fighting for custody of your grandson if she passes away without any clue what this is going to look like for her. You realize she could just appoint you guys as guardians if she's not going to beat this right? It doesn't have to be a fight.
Seriously just take a deep breath and chill because you are overreacting about money and how much you have to do for her and forgetting that she is your child and she is likely feeling terrified and overwhelmed by the fact she has cancer. Once you know a treatment plan sit down with her and help her come up with a plan for housing and paying bills. Direct her in applying for disability, food stamps, everything you can find to help her through this. Do what you should have done a long time ago and teach her how to be an adult. It doesn't just come naturally you know.

You can't just 'will' your child to whomever. This child has a father (as mentioned in the DD's quest for child support)

A father who isn't present in his life. It is way easier for her dd to handle that while she's alive. My cousin went through that when her daughter died unexpectedly if she had something from her daughter it would have saved them so much trouble trying to get custody. Thankfully they succeeded because the father was abusive and there was a restraining order against him. It was still a battle though since their daughter hadn't specified before she died.