Would you say anything?

Unread post Wed Jan 15, 2020 8:40 am

My 12 yo DD has been friends with this girl for over 2 years. She has some issues and every time they would hang out, her mom would ask my DD if her DD was nice to her. It was awkward that she would ask that in front of me and DD and her DD. The mom is very nice and they treat my DD very well. But now my DD is tired of this friend. She is bullying one of my DD's friends and also trying to steal all of her other friends from her and sometimes tries to get people against my DD. She has made my DD cry twice recently at school.

We had plans with her friend and her mom and sister this weekend but my DD does not want to go now. I told my DD I will do whatever she wants to do and I also told her that one option could be to talk to the girl's mom. My DD doesn't know if she wants that right now so I won't do anything. If you were in this situation, would you talk to the mom (if your child was okay with it)?

Unread post Wed Jan 15, 2020 8:42 am

At 12 she should be able to handle this herself.

Unread post Wed Jan 15, 2020 8:45 am

I'm not sure. Honestly at 12 I would hope my daughter could tell her friend "I don't want to hang out with you because you've been acting like a jerk". It might sink in better than her getting it through the grapevine (your dd, you, her mom, and then finally her).

I would probably still speak with the mom just to be sure she knew what was going on, especially since she seems genuinely interested in her daughter's behaviour (from what little you've said about her here).

Unread post Wed Jan 15, 2020 8:47 am

I just wasn't sure since me and her mom are kinda friends and have done things together with our kids. Also the mom knows her DD has some issues and has told me some things. I know that she loves that our DDs are friends. Also her DD is hitting and pushing one of my DD's friends and I'm sure the mom would like to know that...just didn't know if that should come from me.

Anonymous 2 wrote: ↑Wed Jan 15, 2020 8:42 am At 12 she should be able to handle this herself.

Unread post Wed Jan 15, 2020 8:52 am

Anonymous 1 wrote: ↑Wed Jan 15, 2020 8:40 am My 12 yo DD has been friends with this girl for over 2 years. She has some issues and every time they would hang out, her mom would ask my DD if her DD was nice to her. It was awkward that she would ask that in front of me and DD and her DD. The mom is very nice and they treat my DD very well. But now my DD is tired of this friend. She is bullying one of my DD's friends and also trying to steal all of her other friends from her and sometimes tries to get people against my DD. She has made my DD cry twice recently at school.

We had plans with her friend and her mom and sister this weekend but my DD does not want to go now. I told my DD I will do whatever she wants to do and I also told her that one option could be to talk to the girl's mom. My DD doesn't know if she wants that right now so I won't do anything. If you were in this situation, would you talk to the mom (if your child was okay with it)?

Since this had been an ongoing issue, I would tell dd that either she talks to the bully's mom or I will. The bully's mom already knows that her dd is a mean twit because she's asked your dd if her dd is nice to her.

Unread post Wed Jan 15, 2020 8:54 am

My DD tried this approach recently (talking with her friend) and that caused her friend to try to get everyone against my DD and was lying and saying my DD said all of these things to her friend and "oh she said she hates me" and my DD did not say that. She was trying to get everyone to feel sorry for her and also get everyone against my DD. So my DD pulled away from her and then her friend asked if she was okay and my DD said actually no I'm not and she told her some other things that bothered her as well. Her friend said sorry but she is not acting sorry and continues to bully my DD's friend and try to steal my DD's other friends as well.

Anonymous 3 wrote: ↑Wed Jan 15, 2020 8:45 am I'm not sure. Honestly at 12 I would hope my daughter could tell her friend "I don't want to hang out with you because you've been acting like a jerk". It might sink in better than her getting it through the grapevine (your dd, you, her mom, and then finally her).

I would probably still speak with the mom just to be sure she knew what was going on, especially since she seems genuinely interested in her daughter's behaviour (from what little you've said about her here).

Unread post Wed Jan 15, 2020 8:56 am

I don't think my DD would want to talk to her friend's mom but DD said she might go to a counselor and/or principal about it at school but she doesn't want it to get back to her friend because of how she will possibly react.

Anonymous 4 wrote: ↑Wed Jan 15, 2020 8:52 am
Anonymous 1 wrote: ↑Wed Jan 15, 2020 8:40 am My 12 yo DD has been friends with this girl for over 2 years. She has some issues and every time they would hang out, her mom would ask my DD if her DD was nice to her. It was awkward that she would ask that in front of me and DD and her DD. The mom is very nice and they treat my DD very well. But now my DD is tired of this friend. She is bullying one of my DD's friends and also trying to steal all of her other friends from her and sometimes tries to get people against my DD. She has made my DD cry twice recently at school.

We had plans with her friend and her mom and sister this weekend but my DD does not want to go now. I told my DD I will do whatever she wants to do and I also told her that one option could be to talk to the girl's mom. My DD doesn't know if she wants that right now so I won't do anything. If you were in this situation, would you talk to the mom (if your child was okay with it)?
Since this had been an ongoing issue, I would tell dd that either she talks to the bully's mom or I will. The bully's mom already knows that her dd is a mean twit because she's asked your dd if her dd is nice to her.

Unread post Wed Jan 15, 2020 9:00 am

Just a bunch of mess, stay out of it

Unread post Wed Jan 15, 2020 9:09 am

While I agree that at 12 she could be able to handle this, but she may need some coaching or maybe just mom's ear to help her sort it out.

Unread post Wed Jan 15, 2020 9:11 am

I'm sorry. My dd is 10 and one of her classmates is full of drama and mean spirited like that. Luckily they were never friends outside of school so I don't have to deal with it much but they used to be friendly with each other so I'm having to try and teach my daughter to navigate these sorts of situations, which means hearing a lot of it. DD is too forgiving and wants to give this kid chance after chance.

Anonymous 1 wrote: ↑Wed Jan 15, 2020 8:54 am My DD tried this approach recently (talking with her friend) and that caused her friend to try to get everyone against my DD and was lying and saying my DD said all of these things to her friend and "oh she said she hates me" and my DD did not say that. She was trying to get everyone to feel sorry for her and also get everyone against my DD. So my DD pulled away from her and then her friend asked if she was okay and my DD said actually no I'm not and she told her some other things that bothered her as well. Her friend said sorry but she is not acting sorry and continues to bully my DD's friend and try to steal my DD's other friends as well.

Anonymous 3 wrote: ↑Wed Jan 15, 2020 8:45 am I'm not sure. Honestly at 12 I would hope my daughter could tell her friend "I don't want to hang out with you because you've been acting like a jerk". It might sink in better than her getting it through the grapevine (your dd, you, her mom, and then finally her).

I would probably still speak with the mom just to be sure she knew what was going on, especially since she seems genuinely interested in her daughter's behaviour (from what little you've said about her here).

Would you say anything?

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