Would you take her to the doctor?

[Smarties]

I don't understand all the "she can refuse treatment" comments. Whose 13 year old here, when you tell them they are going to the doctor for an injury, is going to refuse to get in the car? And which parents are going to let that happen?

I hope OPs dd is healing.

[Anonymous 6]

OP, any update? How is she doing?

[Anonymous 1]

OP, any update? How is she doing?

She was annoyed that I made her go, but the Dr said it looked like it was healing fine, that yeah she probably did need a stitch or 2 when it happened but not a big deal. That the "black" I saw in the cut was a scab because it was healing from the inside out.

Just keep an eye on it and if it looks red or has pus then bring her back in.

[sheramom4]

Thanks so much. She still suffers but is much better than she once was. And the only reason I didn't go nuts on her that day is because she wasn't be snotty or obstinate. She was actually apologizing for making things difficult. But she was also telling me she was scared, frustrated, and that she needed me to push her through those doors.

Same here. If my parents told me to get in the car, I'd be getting in the car.

I will say, though, that my 16yo was very sick at one time. She had been to every sort of specialist and dietician that you could imagine. She had been poked and prodded, diagnosed, misdiagnosed, prescribed, and prescribed again...and still she suffered. One day, when they told her she needed to have a full battery of blood work AGAIN, she dug in her heels and said, "Mom, I'll tell you what. I'm not letting them take one more ounce of blood."

A day later, I was able to convince her to get into the car and go to have the work done. When we got to the lab, she refused to get out of the car. (FYI: The previous 3 times she had blood drawn, they had difficulty getting the vein and she passed out all 3 times.) She just sat in the car with tears in her eyes and said, "I'm sorry, Mom, but I'm not going in." (I wanted to pull my hair out!) I calmly (!) explained to her that I could understand her frustration and why she would not be wanting to do one more test. But then I told her, "You're getting the blood work done. I will sit with you through it. But you're getting it done. You need to suck it up, brave it out, and do what you need to do so that you can feel better and live a happy normal life. You can do this. You know you can." And just like that, she opened the car door, said, "OK. Let's do this!" and went in to get her blood work done.

It ain't easy. But a mom's got to do what a mom's got to do.

PS: And afterwards, I took her for a good cheeseburger and all was right with the world.

Poor kid! I can understand why she needed some extra mom coaxing after all that poking. Glad she was brave.

I truly hope you've been able to figure what's been bothering her and get it resolved. So frustrating to be in that spot.

I have a heck of a time getting my middle DD (almost 17) to the eye doctor for similar reasons. She has a congenital eye condition and from the time she was a baby she was poked, prodded, etc by eye doctors and had eye surgery as a toddler.
She recently burned her cornea in an accident at her technical high school and she was shaking and in tears as we headed into her eye appointment.
She did outright refuse to go to an appointment when she was around 10 and is took two reschedules and some coaching but she eventually went. She has refused further eye surgeries though as they are purely cosmetic and she doesn't think the pain is worth a minor change to her looks. That I won't fight her on.

[agander2017]

Black around the wound would concern me, and the fact that it's not feeling any better makes me wonder if there is a bone infection going on in there that you can't see. I would take her in. Hope she's okay!

[Deleted User 670]

Thanks so much. She still suffers but is much better than she once was. And the only reason I didn't go nuts on her that day is because she wasn't be snotty or obstinate. She was actually apologizing for making things difficult. But she was also telling me she was scared, frustrated, and that she needed me to push her through those doors.

Poor kid! I can understand why she needed some extra mom coaxing after all that poking. Glad she was brave.

I truly hope you've been able to figure what's been bothering her and get it resolved. So frustrating to be in that spot.

I have a heck of a time getting my middle DD (almost 17) to the eye doctor for similar reasons. She has a congenital eye condition and from the time she was a baby she was poked, prodded, etc by eye doctors and had eye surgery as a toddler.
She recently burned her cornea in an accident at her technical high school and she was shaking and in tears as we headed into her eye appointment.
She did outright refuse to go to an appointment when she was around 10 and is took two reschedules and some coaching but she eventually went. She has refused further eye surgeries though as they are purely cosmetic and she doesn't think the pain is worth a minor change to her looks. That I won't fight her on.

My kid has a serious case of iatrophobia -- fear of doctors. It goes back to when she was a baby. She'd have monthly appointments with the hematologist to check her platelet levels and at 18 months she had blood drawn (a lot like 6 vials) to have her tested for Von Willebrands. It was very traumatic for her. For about a year afterward she'd cry when we got on any elevator as she associated elevators with the hematologist's building. Her fear of doctors only got worse as she got older. She needs anti-anxiety meds just to get bloodwork done. She has a really good doctor that we managed to find when she was a sophomore or freshman. This doctor is wonderfully patient and my daughter trusts her. But going to see any other doctor sets of awful anxiety for her. Even now.

[Traci_Momof2]

She is 13...no she cannot refuse treatment.

You are so wrong.

I have read a few legal articles on the subject. It depends upon the state but the general consensus is that between the age of 14-17, a minor can refuse consent but that under 14, it is questionable. Frankly I am amazed that y’all seem to think that this is okay. A 13YO does not have the knowledge to make informed consent. The brain is not fully developed so that they can appreciate the consequences of the choices. The OP is the parent. She is in the position to take the CHILD to the doctor. The ironic thing is that if she doesn’t and this turns very serious, the parent could face allegations of medical neglect. Yet everyone on here is focused on how this child can refuse treatment.

This. There are very real statutes in state laws to charge parents with medical neglect. The one jury that I sat on for jury duty, that is exactly what the woman was being charged with - medical neglect.

This discussion makes me think of when I was 14 years old. I was spending the whole summer with my Grandparents and came down with Mono. At first we thought it was just a cold or something but after a week of it not getting better my Grandma was like "This has been too long we are taking you to the doctor." I didn't even consider questioning my Grandma on it, much less refusing. Grandma thought it was time to go so we went.

I'm all about giving kids autonomy and decisions for themselves, but there are certain things where the parent just needs to put their foot down and say "this is how it is". IMO, this is one of them.

[Anonymous 7]

Yup, we'd have been on the way to the ER/Urgent Care as soon as she did it. I'd want to make sure a medical professional cleaned and bandaged the cut as well as making sure it wasn't broken. Don't care if the kid wants to go or not. I'm the parent and that is my decision.

Lmfao @ the ER.

[Anonymous 6]

All good to hear! Thanks for the update.

OP, any update? How is she doing?

She was annoyed that I made her go, but the Dr said it looked like it was healing fine, that yeah she probably did need a stitch or 2 when it happened but not a big deal. That the "black" I saw in the cut was a scab because it was healing from the inside out.

Just keep an eye on it and if it looks red or has pus then bring her back in.

[Anonymous 6]

Aw! Poor kid! I'm sorry that she had to go through any of this. I can take many things. But it breaks my heart to see a kid sick, in pain, suffering, etc., I'm sure it must have been difficult for you to see her go through this, too. I think if my daughter didn't want to do the cosmetic surgery, I wouldn't push it either. She may one day change her mind about that. But either way, if it's what she wants, like you, I'd be OK with whatever she decided. Just happy to see our kids happy and healthy...

Thanks so much. She still suffers but is much better than she once was. And the only reason I didn't go nuts on her that day is because she wasn't be snotty or obstinate. She was actually apologizing for making things difficult. But she was also telling me she was scared, frustrated, and that she needed me to push her through those doors.

Poor kid! I can understand why she needed some extra mom coaxing after all that poking. Glad she was brave.

I truly hope you've been able to figure what's been bothering her and get it resolved. So frustrating to be in that spot.

I have a heck of a time getting my middle DD (almost 17) to the eye doctor for similar reasons. She has a congenital eye condition and from the time she was a baby she was poked, prodded, etc by eye doctors and had eye surgery as a toddler.
She recently burned her cornea in an accident at her technical high school and she was shaking and in tears as we headed into her eye appointment.
She did outright refuse to go to an appointment when she was around 10 and is took two reschedules and some coaching but she eventually went. She has refused further eye surgeries though as they are purely cosmetic and she doesn't think the pain is worth a minor change to her looks. That I won't fight her on.