He Stole All The Presents

[Anonymous 4]

Sorry, OP, But I agree.

I struggle to parent my high needs kid all the time. This week has been really tough. But this poster nailed the issue. You know his chronological age does not match his emotional age now that you have shared his mental/neuro health background. You did fail him.

But each day is a new day, so drop the anger, figure out the consequences while minimizing emotional strain it will cause at the holiday.

Good luck.

He knows better he just doesn’t care his age matches he just has some trauma in his life. That’s no excuse for what he did and he knows that. He isn’t stuck with the mind of a toddler, he knows better and his consequences are now that he’s not getting the presents he wants instead he’ll get books and clothes. He isn’t high needs, he wasn’t born with a mental disorder, he knows what’s right and what’s wrong he just has no remorse for what he does and thinks he can do whatever he wants without consequence. That’s not how I am raising him and he’s not going to use his mental health to get out of things like this. He faced his trauma just by entering the attic and under my platform bed so he actually made a lot of progress right there. The one good thing is that he’s made huge steps so we can continue working on it but he’s still not getting his presents. Next year I’ll rent a storage unit.

It would be more effective if you gave him a doable way of earning his presents back with good behavior. All you're going to do is fuel his anger if he doesn't have a chance to redeem himself. Christmas for him will always be associated with anger if you carry through with your plan.

Yes, he stole the presents of others, but even thieves in prison get a chance at parole because of good behavior. Give your son a chance to earn his gifts back. Find ways to catch him being good instead of focusing on his bad behavior.

I agree. I would come up with a way for him to earn the gifts back.

[Anonymous 5]

I think the biggest issue with this is he didn't just get into his own presents, he got into everyone else's. Everyone seems to be forgetting or ignorning that. I could see him having no control and just opening his gifts because he " just couldn't wait" but what the hell does he need to go in a grown woman's gifts for? I'd take back the "good stuff" and get him some alternative options.

[Anonymous 6]

Wow, I'm really sorry. I wish I had better advice, but I'm going to agree with some of the others, he gets necessities only. Also, get a lock to keep him out of things. Is he seeing any type of specialist to curb the problems?

He has a psychiatrist and a therapist and is on abilify

Since the child has a psychiatrist and a therapist and is taking medication, the first thing I would do is speak to his psychiatrist and therapist. I would get their insight, because this is not a typical run of the mile parenting choice. It needs to be a choice that will speak to the child's sense of right/wrong, and I would want professional direction. Jumping straight to punishment is not going to work.

Secondly, every closet that the child does not need access to should be locked, if for no other reason, than to keep him safe.

I

[Baconqueen13]

So you left your 8 year old son with KNOWN behavioral issues that includes stealing unsupervised long enough he was not only able to get into all the presents under your bed and in the ATTIC and unwrap them, unbox them and even start setting them up and were completely oblivious to the noise upstairs.....He was in the F***ing attic and you didn't register that?? How shitty of a parent are you? No really? Clearly your kid already is suffering the affects of it.

[Anonymous 1]

So you left your 8 year old son with KNOWN behavioral issues that includes stealing unsupervised long enough he was not only able to get into all the presents under your bed and in the ATTIC and unwrap them, unbox them and even start setting them up and were completely oblivious to the noise upstairs.....He was in the F***ing attic and you didn't register that?? How shitty of a parent are you? No really? Clearly your kid already is suffering the affects of it.

I guess you sit in your child’s room and watch him sleep all night?

[Anonymous 1]

do you honestly believe taking a mind altering drug is NOT going to alter his mind?

It sure gave him ability all right....

Yes, for the first time last night. Before that he wouldn’t get near it. I really need to learn how to predict the future thanks for letting me know.

KNOWING THE FACTS about a damn drug your own child is taking, is tantamount to PARENTING!!!

FFS - has NOTHING to do with 'predicting the future'

What are you talking about? I know the facts about the drug my son is taking and nowhere on the label does it say that he will out of the blue be cured enough to face his fears of the attic. Are you seriously telling me that knowing more about the antipsychotic that my son is on would prevent him from going into the attic? That’s not even what the medicine is for. It’s to calm him down when he’s have episodes of psychosis. You really have no idea what you are talking about at all.

[Anonymous 1]

Wow, I'm really sorry. I wish I had better advice, but I'm going to agree with some of the others, he gets necessities only. Also, get a lock to keep him out of things. Is he seeing any type of specialist to curb the problems?

He has a psychiatrist and a therapist and is on abilify

Since the child has a psychiatrist and a therapist and is taking medication, the first thing I would do is speak to his psychiatrist and therapist. I would get their insight, because this is not a typical run of the mile parenting choice. It needs to be a choice that will speak to the child's sense of right/wrong, and I would want professional direction. Jumping straight to punishment is not going to work.

Secondly, every closet that the child does not need access to should be locked, if for no other reason, than to keep him safe.

I

To keep him safe? Wtf do you think he’s doing in the closet? That’s not where the presents were originally anyway. I don’t keep anything except clothes and some shoes in the closet.

His therapist has been telling me that I need to be stricter with him and to take his things away when he misbehaves. I’m sure she’ll be pretty damn happy that I’m following through with only giving him clothes and books for Christmas.

[Anonymous 1]

I think the biggest issue with this is he didn't just get into his own presents, he got into everyone else's. Everyone seems to be forgetting or ignorning that. I could see him having no control and just opening his gifts because he " just couldn't wait" but what the hell does he need to go in a grown woman's gifts for? I'd take back the "good stuff" and get him some alternative options.

They’re too focused on my sons mental illness and my supposed bad parenting to realize that is exactly what I am most upset about. If he just opened his it wouldn’t have been a big deal but he tore into my sisters presents and even lost some of the pieces to his siblings presents. He destroyed the boxes trying to get into everything. I’m going to do what another poster suggested and give him books and clothes on Christmas. He’s not going without just because he’s not getting a Nintendo switch or some legos on Christmas.

[Anonymous 7]

He'd rewrap everyone else's gifts, volunteer at at a soup kitchen, and donate all his presents to toys for tots. He'd also have jack nothing in his room.

[Anonymous 6]

He has a psychiatrist and a therapist and is on abilify

Since the child has a psychiatrist and a therapist and is taking medication, the first thing I would do is speak to his psychiatrist and therapist. I would get their insight, because this is not a typical run of the mile parenting choice. It needs to be a choice that will speak to the child's sense of right/wrong, and I would want professional direction. Jumping straight to punishment is not going to work.

Secondly, every closet that the child does not need access to should be locked, if for no other reason, than to keep him safe.

I

To keep him safe? Wtf do you think he’s doing in the closet? That’s not where the presents were originally anyway. I don’t keep anything except clothes and some shoes in the closet.

His therapist has been telling me that I need to be stricter with him and to take his things away when he misbehaves. I’m sure she’ll be pretty damn happy that I’m following through with only giving him clothes and books for Christmas.

Children who suffer with mental/emotional illness in any of its many forms, can find a way to harm themselves in what appears to be a very ordinary closet. I could tell you how many children have used shoe laces, or clothes to choke or hang themselves. I have seen it too many times over the years in my line of work. The point is that if you do not consider the child's sense of right and wrong you will not be doing the very best that you can by your child. I am sure your goal is to teach a lesson and do so in the way that matters. The therapist is just that a therapist, but the child also sees a medical doctor who specializes in mental health and the medications used to treat it. I would start there. I wish you the best possible outcome.