Learn how to parent BM and stop calling all the time

[noitsmebecky]

Is this really debatable?

Here’s when this is an issue-when one parent HAS to have the other intervene bc they can’t handle it on a regular basis. Calling every now and then for a big issue (example: a kid stole something or there was an issue at school) or for an extremely rough day doesn’t seem like an issue.

Parenting your kids and handling them on your time isn’t a pissing a contest with your ex. Sometimes you need back up, sometimes you need the kids to see that even though Dad isn’t in the house, you’re still a united front. It hasn’t happened to me yet but I’m sure at some point as the kids get older, I’ll need to contact him about something to do with the kids because I’m just not getting through to them or I need his input.

[eyes4ears]

lol its honestly how every divorced parent I know acts. Except my mom. She would call my Dad up and bitch at him about me. But most divorced parents I know don't do that. It shows maturity if you ask me

You certainly have a fucked up life. Didn't your dad abuse you or something?

Had a fucked up life-agreed. Yes, my father was abusive. I have cut him off. Now everything is great. Amazing husband that just took a week off of work to redo our master bathroom exactly how I wanted it. Kids I love. Lots of friends I love. Money to buy mostly what I want minus super expensive things.

I mean my husband is kinda perfect. This man taught himself how to do this.

36063676_10214721165116954_1739829206512041984_n.jpg

but thanks for trying to use my abusive father to insult me. I mean if that is all you can get to use against me-I must be doing pretty well

What did your husband do in the bathroom, for a week?

[RedBottoms]

You certainly have a fucked up life. Didn't your dad abuse you or something?

Had a fucked up life-agreed. Yes, my father was abusive. I have cut him off. Now everything is great. Amazing husband that just took a week off of work to redo our master bathroom exactly how I wanted it. Kids I love. Lots of friends I love. Money to buy mostly what I want minus super expensive things.

I mean my husband is kinda perfect. This man taught himself how to do this.

36063676_10214721165116954_1739829206512041984_n.jpg

but thanks for trying to use my abusive father to insult me. I mean if that is all you can get to use against me-I must be doing pretty well

Both of them are fucked up. Why would a mom contact a man that abused her kid?

You've been in therapy your whole entire life. That's not normal. It's unhealthy.

Citation needed? I have not always been in therapy. Where did I say that. Off and on for periods of time. And you are going down a very very very dangerous slippery slope. This could be seen as victim shaming and victim blaming. Also can be seen as mental health shaming to attack and insult someone for going to therapy. You are probably intentionally insulting half the people on this board right now.

She was being emotionally abused by him same as I was. And I have taken her to task more than once for allowing it for so long.

[RedBottoms]

You certainly have a fucked up life. Didn't your dad abuse you or something?

Had a fucked up life-agreed. Yes, my father was abusive. I have cut him off. Now everything is great. Amazing husband that just took a week off of work to redo our master bathroom exactly how I wanted it. Kids I love. Lots of friends I love. Money to buy mostly what I want minus super expensive things.

I mean my husband is kinda perfect. This man taught himself how to do this.

36063676_10214721165116954_1739829206512041984_n.jpg

but thanks for trying to use my abusive father to insult me. I mean if that is all you can get to use against me-I must be doing pretty well

What did your husband do in the bathroom, for a week?

complete remodel-new paint- wall patching- new flooring- new baseboards-new mirror- new lighting fixture-new vanity-new sink- new cabinet, new shower curtain rod. Only thing not new is toilet and shower

[noitsmebecky]

You certainly have a fucked up life. Didn't your dad abuse you or something?

Had a fucked up life-agreed. Yes, my father was abusive. I have cut him off. Now everything is great. Amazing husband that just took a week off of work to redo our master bathroom exactly how I wanted it. Kids I love. Lots of friends I love. Money to buy mostly what I want minus super expensive things.

I mean my husband is kinda perfect. This man taught himself how to do this.

36063676_10214721165116954_1739829206512041984_n.jpg

but thanks for trying to use my abusive father to insult me. I mean if that is all you can get to use against me-I must be doing pretty well

Both of them are fucked up. Why would a mom contact a man that abused her kid?

You've been in therapy your whole entire life. That's not normal. It's unhealthy.

Actually. Isn’t going to therapy to deal with things healthier than not dealing with them and using unhealthy coping skills?

[Guest]

I personally would not want my ex calling me and bothering me all the time during his custody time for minuscule things. That is my time to work, clean, do errands, handle business, do doctor appts, socialize with friends, destress, etc and I need not to be bothered unless its an emergency or super important.

My mom takes my boys for a weekend or whatever and she knows not to call me for every little thing.

Your time? WOW.

[RedBottoms]

Had a fucked up life-agreed. Yes, my father was abusive. I have cut him off. Now everything is great. Amazing husband that just took a week off of work to redo our master bathroom exactly how I wanted it. Kids I love. Lots of friends I love. Money to buy mostly what I want minus super expensive things.

I mean my husband is kinda perfect. This man taught himself how to do this.

36063676_10214721165116954_1739829206512041984_n.jpg

but thanks for trying to use my abusive father to insult me. I mean if that is all you can get to use against me-I must be doing pretty well

Both of them are fucked up. Why would a mom contact a man that abused her kid?

You've been in therapy your whole entire life. That's not normal. It's unhealthy.

Actually. Isn’t going to therapy to deal with things healthier than not dealing with them and using unhealthy coping skills?

exactly. She is trying SO hard to insult me that she is pretty much taking down innocent victims with that and its gross and immature.

Again if that is the best she can do to insult me, I must be pretty dang awesome

[WickedPissah]

Had a fucked up life-agreed. Yes, my father was abusive. I have cut him off. Now everything is great. Amazing husband that just took a week off of work to redo our master bathroom exactly how I wanted it. Kids I love. Lots of friends I love. Money to buy mostly what I want minus super expensive things.

I mean my husband is kinda perfect. This man taught himself how to do this.

36063676_10214721165116954_1739829206512041984_n.jpg

but thanks for trying to use my abusive father to insult me. I mean if that is all you can get to use against me-I must be doing pretty well

Both of them are fucked up. Why would a mom contact a man that abused her kid?

You've been in therapy your whole entire life. That's not normal. It's unhealthy.

Citation needed? I have not always been in therapy. Where did I say that. Off and on for periods of time. And you are going down a very very very dangerous slippery slope. This could be seen as victim shaming and victim blaming. Also can be seen as mental health shaming to attack and insult someone for going to therapy. You are probably intentionally insulting half the people on this board right now.

She was being emotionally abused by him same as I was. And I have taken her to task more than once for allowing it for so long.

Spending your whole life in therapy is not healthy. You need to let go of all your anger and hatred towards people.

You playing the victim card is old.

[RedBottoms]

I personally would not want my ex calling me and bothering me all the time during his custody time for minuscule things. That is my time to work, clean, do errands, handle business, do doctor appts, socialize with friends, destress, etc and I need not to be bothered unless its an emergency or super important.

My mom takes my boys for a weekend or whatever and she knows not to call me for every little thing.

Your time? WOW.

I am still married to my first husband so............I don't even have custody time. But yes, the other parent typically plans errands, appointments, work, chores etc during the time they don't have their kids so that when they DO have their kids-they can focus exclusively on them. At least that is how it should be done. My friend gets all her stuff handled when her son is with his Dad as much as she can so that her and her son can spend quality time together when he is with her as much as possible. And she is the majority custodial parent and she still tries to schedule that stuff when he is gone. Like she caught up on her schoolwork while he was spending time with Dad so when he came home-she could take him to go see a movie and out to eat etc.

That seems smart actually

[noitsmebecky]

Both of them are fucked up. Why would a mom contact a man that abused her kid?

You've been in therapy your whole entire life. That's not normal. It's unhealthy.

Actually. Isn’t going to therapy to deal with things healthier than not dealing with them and using unhealthy coping skills?

exactly. She is trying SO hard to insult me that she is pretty much taking down innocent victims with that and its gross and immature.

Again if that is the best she can do to insult me, I must be pretty dang awesome

First of all, I’m a mental health provider. I have to fight with my patients constantly so they understand that therapy and mental illness and processing trauma don’t have an expiration date. It’s an on-going process, sometimes you’ll be good and need to go back and that’s just how it is. It’s not unhealthy or healthy, it just is what it is.

Second of all, if I had stayed in therapy in my early 20s I bet I wouldn’t have stayed 10 years in an abusive relationship. But I stopped because he constantly said there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t handle life without therapy.