I am not going to punish them because I dont see the problem....

[Anonymous 1]

Call me old fashioned, but it is rude for a child to call and adult by their first name. ESPECIALLY if the adult doesn't like it. It's rude, it's disrespectful and just bad manners. I would be disappointed in my kids if they were mine. Granted, they don't have to call her stepmom, but clearly what they are doing now is wrong.
Not that you should "punish" them, but you should talk to them as their mother and teach them some respect and manners.

That's how I was raised. I'm 52 and I still call friend's parents Mr/Mrs so and so. LOL

That being said, I don't know that I'd come into a family new and make demands then try to punish. The name of the game is win the kids over at this point, so I think flexibility should be the order of the day. At least that's how I'd function.

OP - what about if they come up with a cute nick name just for her? Mama Jen or Mrs S (first initial of the last name), or something like that?

She wants something formal. Ms. Herfirstname doesnt work. I will ask about Mrs. First initial but idk. The kids are still feeling a little weird about that. This marriage is new. They feel weird calling her Mrs. Allofourlastname

[jas]

Call me old fashioned, but it is rude for a child to call and adult by their first name. ESPECIALLY if the adult doesn't like it. It's rude, it's disrespectful and just bad manners. I would be disappointed in my kids if they were mine. Granted, they don't have to call her stepmom, but clearly what they are doing now is wrong.
Not that you should "punish" them, but you should talk to them as their mother and teach them some respect and manners.

That's how I was raised. I'm 52 and I still call friend's parents Mr/Mrs so and so. LOL

That being said, I don't know that I'd come into a family new and make demands then try to punish. The name of the game is win the kids over at this point, so I think flexibility should be the order of the day. At least that's how I'd function.

OP - what about if they come up with a cute nick name just for her? Mama Jen or Mrs S (first initial of the last name), or something like that?

While I don't think punishing is the right way (on the SM and BM's part) I do think a compromise is in order. At the end of the day, she doesn't like it and as an adult she is correct. It doesn't matter that they were able to be rude to another adult and they were ok with it. This one isn't.

[Valentina327]

Call me old fashioned, but it is rude for a child to call and adult by their first name. ESPECIALLY if the adult doesn't like it. It's rude, it's disrespectful and just bad manners. I would be disappointed in my kids if they were mine. Granted, they don't have to call her stepmom, but clearly what they are doing now is wrong.
Not that you should "punish" them, but you should talk to them as their mother and teach them some respect and manners.

That's how I was raised. I'm 52 and I still call friend's parents Mr/Mrs so and so. LOL

That being said, I don't know that I'd come into a family new and make demands then try to punish. The name of the game is win the kids over at this point, so I think flexibility should be the order of the day. At least that's how I'd function.

OP - what about if they come up with a cute nick name just for her? Mama Jen or Mrs S (first initial of the last name), or something like that?

While I don't think punishing is the right way (on the SM and BM's part) I do think a compromise is in order. At the end of the day, she doesn't like it and as an adult she is correct. It doesn't matter that they were able to be rude to another adult and they were ok with it. This one isn't.

Very true Jas. That's why I was thinking cute nick name. That would probably make her feel better. I'm sure she just wants some acknowledgment that she's a figure in their lives.

[Pjmm]

Call me old fashioned, but it is rude for a child to call and adult by their first name. ESPECIALLY if the adult doesn't like it. It's rude, it's disrespectful and just bad manners. I would be disappointed in my kids if they were mine. Granted, they don't have to call her stepmom, but clearly what they are doing now is wrong.
Not that you should "punish" them, but you should talk to them as their mother and teach them some respect and manners.

That's how I was raised. I'm 52 and I still call friend's parents Mr/Mrs so and so. LOL

That being said, I don't know that I'd come into a family new and make demands then try to punish. The name of the game is win the kids over at this point, so I think flexibility should be the order of the day. At least that's how I'd function.

OP - what about if they come up with a cute nick name just for her? Mama Jen or Mrs S (first initial of the last name), or something like that?

She wants something formal. Ms. Herfirstname doesnt work. I will ask about Mrs. First initial but idk. The kids are still feeling a little weird about that. This marriage is new. They feel weird calling her Mrs. Allofourlastname

They'll have to get over it. She doesn't want first name. I used to call my mil Mom (last name) because she didn't want me using her first name either. But they don't want to call her mom. You don't think they'll want to use aunt. So I guess its mrs (last name). Frankly I think this lady is making a mountain out of a molehill. But I always had the notion one calls people by the name they prefer.

[jas]

That's how I was raised. I'm 52 and I still call friend's parents Mr/Mrs so and so. LOL

That being said, I don't know that I'd come into a family new and make demands then try to punish. The name of the game is win the kids over at this point, so I think flexibility should be the order of the day. At least that's how I'd function.

OP - what about if they come up with a cute nick name just for her? Mama Jen or Mrs S (first initial of the last name), or something like that?

While I don't think punishing is the right way (on the SM and BM's part) I do think a compromise is in order. At the end of the day, she doesn't like it and as an adult she is correct. It doesn't matter that they were able to be rude to another adult and they were ok with it. This one isn't.

Very true Jas. That's why I was thinking cute nick name. That would probably make her feel better. I'm sure she just wants some acknowledgment that she's a figure in their lives.

Indeed. She should compromise as well and realize they're not ready to call her "mom" in any way. I think a nickname is a great idea. Something they need to work out within themselves.

[Iffrinn]

Call me old fashioned, but it is rude for a child to call and adult by their first name. ESPECIALLY if the adult doesn't like it. It's rude, it's disrespectful and just bad manners. I would be disappointed in my kids if they were mine. Granted, they don't have to call her stepmom, but clearly what they are doing now is wrong.
Not that you should "punish" them, but you should talk to them as their mother and teach them some respect and manners.

That's how I was raised. I'm 52 and I still call friend's parents Mr/Mrs so and so. LOL

That being said, I don't know that I'd come into a family new and make demands then try to punish. The name of the game is win the kids over at this point, so I think flexibility should be the order of the day. At least that's how I'd function.

OP - what about if they come up with a cute nick name just for her? Mama Jen or Mrs S (first initial of the last name), or something like that?

While I don't think punishing is the right way (on the SM and BM's part) I do think a compromise is in order. At the end of the day, she doesn't like it and as an adult she is correct. It doesn't matter that they were able to be rude to another adult and they were ok with it. This one isn't.

They weren't necessarily "able to be rude" to others. If the adults they were addressing had no issue with it, then it's not rude in the least.
When my kids were younger, I generally taught them to call my friends Miss first name, or Mrs Last name, depending on how close I was to the adult in question. I had several friends request that I let the kids call them by their first names. It wasn't rude.
I get that the step mom here is requesting formality. I think formality is for teachers, coaches, employers, etc., NOT people in your own home.
Step mom is on a power trip, and needs to get over it.

[jas]

That's how I was raised. I'm 52 and I still call friend's parents Mr/Mrs so and so. LOL

That being said, I don't know that I'd come into a family new and make demands then try to punish. The name of the game is win the kids over at this point, so I think flexibility should be the order of the day. At least that's how I'd function.

OP - what about if they come up with a cute nick name just for her? Mama Jen or Mrs S (first initial of the last name), or something like that?

While I don't think punishing is the right way (on the SM and BM's part) I do think a compromise is in order. At the end of the day, she doesn't like it and as an adult she is correct. It doesn't matter that they were able to be rude to another adult and they were ok with it. This one isn't.

They weren't necessarily "able to be rude" to others. If the adults they were addressing had no issue with it, then it's not rude in the least.
When my kids were younger, I generally taught them to call my friends Miss first name, or Mrs Last name, depending on how close I was to the adult in question. I had several friends request that I let the kids call them by their first names. It wasn't rude.
I get that the step mom here is requesting formality. I think formality is for teachers, coaches, employers, etc., NOT people in your own home.
Step mom is on a power trip, and needs to get over it.

Like I originally stated, I'm old fashioned. To me, a kid doesn't call an adult by their first name. Period. I get times have changed and it was the cool thing to do and now for some, it's acceptable. It's not to me. It's just rude. Power trip or not, she is entitled to be called what she wants and not something she doesn't by a child.

[Beachbrat]

This house is my kids and my exs house. It will never be her house. Yes she lives there but they have been their since birth. The house will go to my son. She will never have claim to it just like I never did.

My ex has the right to make rules and she can make them also I guess but if my ex isnt really backing her up (which he isnt) they arent going to be taken seriously.

At the end of the day this is any issue my ex and his wife should get situated, not me.

Wow you and your ex are real pieces of shit! Just because she has no "claim" to the house doesn't make it any less hers, as she lives there. And if your ex isn't backing his wife then i can see why your children are ass holes and treat their step mother like she is dirt. Smh. Y'all are all fucked in the head.

Clearly she lives there but it doesnt become only her house. It is just as much my kids' house, well even more so

I am not fucked in the head because I am being logical about what is going on. She lives there but so do they. She doesnt have overall say and these issues need to be worked out in that house, not in mine.

My ex knows she is being ridiculous.

No one said she had overall say.... But the fact of the matter is... She lives there(going to assume more than they do), is an adult in the home and should be show respect by having her rules followed(I'm not talking about what they call her.... Yes THAT is ridiculous. Most kids that have step parents call them by their 1st name only) but other rules she sets in the home should be followed. And the fact that you and your ex don't teach your children to respect adults is fucked!

[Beachbrat]

While I don't think punishing is the right way (on the SM and BM's part) I do think a compromise is in order. At the end of the day, she doesn't like it and as an adult she is correct. It doesn't matter that they were able to be rude to another adult and they were ok with it. This one isn't.

They weren't necessarily "able to be rude" to others. If the adults they were addressing had no issue with it, then it's not rude in the least.
When my kids were younger, I generally taught them to call my friends Miss first name, or Mrs Last name, depending on how close I was to the adult in question. I had several friends request that I let the kids call them by their first names. It wasn't rude.
I get that the step mom here is requesting formality. I think formality is for teachers, coaches, employers, etc., NOT people in your own home.
Step mom is on a power trip, and needs to get over it.

Like I originally stated, I'm old fashioned. To me, a kid doesn't call an adult by their first name. Period. I get times have changed and it was the cool thing to do and now for some, it's acceptable. It's not to me. It's just rude. Power trip or not, she is entitled to be called what she wants and not something she doesn't by a child.

A step parent is very much different than say a teacher or mom and dads friend or a coach. The relationship is much different and a step child shouldn't have to call their step parent "mr or mrs first or last name" and they definitely shouldn't have to refer to her as "step mother" while talking to her. that is silly.

[jas]

They weren't necessarily "able to be rude" to others. If the adults they were addressing had no issue with it, then it's not rude in the least.
When my kids were younger, I generally taught them to call my friends Miss first name, or Mrs Last name, depending on how close I was to the adult in question. I had several friends request that I let the kids call them by their first names. It wasn't rude.
I get that the step mom here is requesting formality. I think formality is for teachers, coaches, employers, etc., NOT people in your own home.
Step mom is on a power trip, and needs to get over it.

Like I originally stated, I'm old fashioned. To me, a kid doesn't call an adult by their first name. Period. I get times have changed and it was the cool thing to do and now for some, it's acceptable. It's not to me. It's just rude. Power trip or not, she is entitled to be called what she wants and not something she doesn't by a child.

A step parent is very much different than say a teacher or mom and dads friend or a coach. The relationship is much different and a step child shouldn't have to call their step parent "mr or mrs first or last name" and they definitely shouldn't have to refer to her as "step mother" while talking to her. that is silly.

Hence why a compromise should be made. They do not have the right to call her by her first name though.