If you have a kid with ODD

[Linda_Runs]

Well yes if nothing is working for you then you want to know what's wrong. And that might involve a diagnosis. In yds' speech apraxia, adhd, anxiety are things I'd rather he not have but I can get him the proper therapies for these things. And hopefully you'll buy books on parenting a child with adhd or anxiety. Idk anything about ODD so Idk the causes. I'm sure some parents are rotten to the core and hurt their child. Others might be simply ignorant. They've done what their parents have done and when their ways don't work for a kid they don't know what else to do. So the child and they fight each other Into a vicious circle. Or they themselves are struggling with a disability. Some kids by their very nature have to learn by the school of hard knocks and that's frustrating for parents. They'll grow up to be leaders perhaps but meanwhile they're frustrated and so are the families. I think some kids hate being dependent with little control. I can see how counseling can benefit everyone in these cases although I wouldn't say the parents are always shitty. Misguided instead.

I totally agree with you, particularly with your first sentence, "...if nothing is working...," that would mean a parent tried everything reasonable to parent their child. Furthermore, you are correct that some parents are ignorant, some kids need to learn the hard way and some benefit from counselling.

For me personally, my oldest was a difficult child from age four to even now to some extent in her very early teens, but she never had ODD that we knew of. I am very proud of how both my girls have learned to reason, act politely, perform in school and so on as most parents want. But these successes didn't always come easy or without trouble as we used trial and error like most parents.

When I mentioned that some parents want labels, I am talking about the parents who are not willing to put in the time to deal with the normal crap child start to pull at about age two to whatever for that child.

ODD exists for sure. To deny the existence of ODD would be ignorant, something I think I am not. There is one thing we can all agree on, that is that not everyone will agree about ODD!

I have not run into any parents that want a label for its own sake. I'm sure they exist but it's not something I personally have any experience with. I think that's a small group. By and large the children I know who have autism, dyslexia, or adhd the parents are involved the best of their abilities. They're not perfect but they're doing their best. Idk anyone with ODD.

This is the same with me in that I don't know any parents with a child diagnosed with ODD. Most of what I go by is what I read, for whatever that is worth - LOL! In my work I have met some really messed up parents who wouldn't be able to label a child if that label was stuck to their heads.

[luvthagirl]

Never heard of ODD until this post

[Anonymous 5]

From the suggestion of a member of CM, I researched ODD in my oldest. I then took my findings to the doctor and we discussed. The doctor said that ODD and ADD/ADHD present similarly, and she wasn't comfortable diagnosing any of the above because the treatments are dissimilar. She sent us to a psychiatrist and after 3 months of testing and questionnaires filled out by family, friends, and teachers my oldest was diagnosed on the autism spectrum (formerly Asperger's), and ADHD.

[CotterpinDoozer]

I have no experience in it other than one person I know who believes her child has ODD, but the rest of her family thinks it's not that, it's just that his dad lets him get away with everything, so when he's back with his mom he fights having consequences for his actions. I am not a medical professional in the position to do any diagnosing however, that is just what I've been told and observed on that particular situation.

I would imagine, however, that it would take many tests to decide if this was actually the case or if there was an underlying issue that needs to be addressed, like undiagnosed ADD or ADHD or something like that, or even if it's just a parent being too indulgent for too long and when they finally put their foot down the kid resists.

[Deleted User 670]

I don't have a kid with ODD. But I do have a very smart-gifted, strong-willed kid with GAD who would "cut her nose off to spite her face." She was/is not a compliant kid. What I found that worked for her was to give her choices so she would have a little bit of control in her life. I learned when she was a baby that she did not adapt to change very well and she needed time to transition. I gave her consistent consequences when she misbehaved. It was never harsh though, like emptying her room and taking all her shit or canceling her birthday or taking away Christmas. It was usually just taking away a riding lesson for that week. She still had meltdowns and temper tantrums even as a teen. Probably because her anxiety got the best of her, and probably because she's such a drama queen.

[Deleted User 876]

You're aware that medical professionals call ODD the "Shitty parent' disease, right? In very few cases ODD is due to a "co-existing" such as Autism or bi-polar disorder but once those conditions are addressed the ODD is not an issue. A diagnosis of ODD with say ADHD means the problem is you and not your kid. Treatment tends to be therapy for the kid and parenting classes for you.

And attitudes like this do NOT make it any easier for a parent who has a true ODD child. Parenting classes are absolutely USELESS in the face of genuine ODD. And it remains VERY MUCH an issue when diagnosed with co-existing disorders as it makes those other disorders that much harder to deal with.

[Anonymous 1]

You're aware that medical professionals call ODD the "Shitty parent' disease, right? In very few cases ODD is due to a "co-existing" such as Autism or bi-polar disorder but once those conditions are addressed the ODD is not an issue. A diagnosis of ODD with say ADHD means the problem is you and not your kid. Treatment tends to be therapy for the kid and parenting classes for you.

And attitudes like this do NOT make it any easier for a parent who has a true ODD child. Parenting classes are absolutely USELESS in the face of genuine ODD. And it remains VERY MUCH an issue when diagnosed with co-existing disorders as it makes those other disorders that much harder to deal with.

Thank you. When he was little I was told to get myself counseling because even if I was the model parent who did everything perfectly he would still be difficult to raise. They saw a couple of defiant episodes and said it looked like odd but that I was handling it correctly. He does have co-existing disorders but hes too smart and we were denied services.
Hes home from boy scout camp this weekend because of his attitude Thursday. He 100% says he should be punished for it and kept home but hes upset about not going.
He says fits have never once worked on me but maybe someday one will.
We are extremely consistent with him. We always have been because with my background in early childhood education I've seen what happens when you aren't.
I just want to make things better. I'll do anything to fix it. We have done both positive and negative consequences. I'll make sure he gets one on one time with both of us. I'm a huge fan of natural consequences. It just doesn't click with him.
And this whole thread just made me feel worse. I kind of skimmed it because I just couldn't handle all of the judgments about my parenting by a bunch of people who don't even know me.
People suck. I'm going to go hide in a hole now. But I cant do that because that would mean giving up on my son and I will NEVER do that.

[Pjmm]

You're aware that medical professionals call ODD the "Shitty parent' disease, right? In very few cases ODD is due to a "co-existing" such as Autism or bi-polar disorder but once those conditions are addressed the ODD is not an issue. A diagnosis of ODD with say ADHD means the problem is you and not your kid. Treatment tends to be therapy for the kid and parenting classes for you.

And attitudes like this do NOT make it any easier for a parent who has a true ODD child. Parenting classes are absolutely USELESS in the face of genuine ODD. And it remains VERY MUCH an issue when diagnosed with co-existing disorders as it makes those other disorders that much harder to deal with.

Thank you. When he was little I was told to get myself counseling because even if I was the model parent who did everything perfectly he would still be difficult to raise. They saw a couple of defiant episodes and said it looked like odd but that I was handling it correctly. He does have co-existing disorders but hes too smart and we were denied services.
Hes home from boy scout camp this weekend because of his attitude Thursday. He 100% says he should be punished for it and kept home but hes upset about not going.
He says fits have never once worked on me but maybe someday one will.
We are extremely consistent with him. We always have been because with my background in early childhood education I've seen what happens when you aren't.
I just want to make things better. I'll do anything to fix it. We have done both positive and negative consequences. I'll make sure he gets one on one time with both of us. I'm a huge fan of natural consequences. It just doesn't click with him.
And this whole thread just made me feel worse. I kind of skimmed it because I just couldn't handle all of the judgments about my parenting by a bunch of people who don't even know me.
People suck. I'm going to go hide in a hole now. But I cant do that because that would mean giving up on my son and I will NEVER do that.

I wouldn't take it seriously. It's the internet. It's also stuff written by people half of them are ignorant about ODD like me. I do think ODD can be caused by abusive or neglectful parents. I also think ADHD symptoms can really be caused by anxiety, abuse, autism or sleep disorder. Does this mean every single cause of ODD is caused by abuse or neglect? No and the same for adhd. I think ODD is more professional than saying 'we don't know how to handle this kid and we need to look deeper' is all.

[Anonymous 2]

You're aware that medical professionals call ODD the "Shitty parent' disease, right? In very few cases ODD is due to a "co-existing" such as Autism or bi-polar disorder but once those conditions are addressed the ODD is not an issue. A diagnosis of ODD with say ADHD means the problem is you and not your kid. Treatment tends to be therapy for the kid and parenting classes for you.

And attitudes like this do NOT make it any easier for a parent who has a true ODD child. Parenting classes are absolutely USELESS in the face of genuine ODD. And it remains VERY MUCH an issue when diagnosed with co-existing disorders as it makes those other disorders that much harder to deal with.

Thank you. When he was little I was told to get myself counseling because even if I was the model parent who did everything perfectly he would still be difficult to raise. They saw a couple of defiant episodes and said it looked like odd but that I was handling it correctly. He does have co-existing disorders but hes too smart and we were denied services.
Hes home from boy scout camp this weekend because of his attitude Thursday. He 100% says he should be punished for it and kept home but hes upset about not going.
He says fits have never once worked on me but maybe someday one will.
We are extremely consistent with him. We always have been because with my background in early childhood education I've seen what happens when you aren't.
I just want to make things better. I'll do anything to fix it. We have done both positive and negative consequences. I'll make sure he gets one on one time with both of us. I'm a huge fan of natural consequences. It just doesn't click with him.
And this whole thread just made me feel worse. I kind of skimmed it because I just couldn't handle all of the judgments about my parenting by a bunch of people who don't even know me.
People suck. I'm going to go hide in a hole now. But I cant do that because that would mean giving up on my son and I will NEVER do that.

No one here was commenting on or judging your parenting (as far as I can tell), so no need to take it that way. We had our own conversation that wasnt about you at all. Good luck.

[Anonymous 1]

And attitudes like this do NOT make it any easier for a parent who has a true ODD child. Parenting classes are absolutely USELESS in the face of genuine ODD. And it remains VERY MUCH an issue when diagnosed with co-existing disorders as it makes those other disorders that much harder to deal with.

Thank you. When he was little I was told to get myself counseling because even if I was the model parent who did everything perfectly he would still be difficult to raise. They saw a couple of defiant episodes and said it looked like odd but that I was handling it correctly. He does have co-existing disorders but hes too smart and we were denied services.
Hes home from boy scout camp this weekend because of his attitude Thursday. He 100% says he should be punished for it and kept home but hes upset about not going.
He says fits have never once worked on me but maybe someday one will.
We are extremely consistent with him. We always have been because with my background in early childhood education I've seen what happens when you aren't.
I just want to make things better. I'll do anything to fix it. We have done both positive and negative consequences. I'll make sure he gets one on one time with both of us. I'm a huge fan of natural consequences. It just doesn't click with him.
And this whole thread just made me feel worse. I kind of skimmed it because I just couldn't handle all of the judgments about my parenting by a bunch of people who don't even know me.
People suck. I'm going to go hide in a hole now. But I cant do that because that would mean giving up on my son and I will NEVER do that.

No one here was commenting on or judging your parenting (as far as I can tell), so no need to take it that way. We had our own conversation that wasnt about you at all. Good luck.

When I suspect odd in my kid and it has been mentioned by a specialist in the past then people go off on how its "shitty parenting " its 100% judging my parenting.