If you have a kid with ODD

[Anonymous 3]

I said it on CM too, Under my name. The difference is I didn't care when people tried to rip me to shreds. It simply told me what kind of parents they were.

I never used my sn on cm because I stupidly put too much personally identifying info in it. I dont use anon all the time here but I did in this post in case anything personal came up for me in it. I like my privacy just in case anyone in my real life ever finds this site. I'm not really sure what your point about not being anon is.

My sd had diagnoses of ODD and ADHD when she came to live with us. That was 10 years ago. We took her off the meds and gave her some discipline, stability, and a routine and that's what she really needed. Of course she doesn't have those diagnoses anymore. I don't think all kids with these kinds of issues have bad parents, but I think that's part of the problem for many.

It's just ironic to me that so many people here the word of the doctor is straight from the mouth of god unless it doesn't fit the narrative they want. Then no doctor could have possibly told me those things.

Just an offhand remark about how people use anon with controversial topics because they don't want to be judged or seen in a negative manner. I simply don't care what others think in regards to my opinion on topics. I know I'm right. I agree though that ODD and in some cases even ADD or ADHD are grossly overdiagnosed or even misdiagnosed due to parent's refusal to see themselves as part of the problem. I feel there's been a lot of pressure put on Dr's as well to give out those diagnoses as well over the last however many years. Of course because they have to be professionals they can't come out and say "Your kid has behavior problems because you're failing as a parent to set boundaries. stability, or discipline in an appropriate manner." So it's a diagnosis which the parent then goes to look for medications to treat rather than take accountability. Again this doesn't apply to children with other issues such as Autism etc where ODD is a symptom of the disease.

This is good! I agree!
I think doctors should actually tell parents if they’re the ones creating the ODD behavior in their kids instead of “tip-toeing” around the truth. (Parents often do think it’s easier to get a pill for their kids)

[Anonymous 4]

You're aware that medical professionals call ODD the "Shitty parent' disease, right? In very few cases ODD is due to a "co-existing" such as Autism or bi-polar disorder but once those conditions are addressed the ODD is not an issue. A diagnosis of ODD with say ADHD means the problem is you and not your kid. Treatment tends to be therapy for the kid and parenting classes for you.

As a medical professional I have never heard anyone call it that.

Almost none of what you said was accurate or factual

[jas]

You're aware that medical professionals call ODD the "Shitty parent' disease, right? In very few cases ODD is due to a "co-existing" such as Autism or bi-polar disorder but once those conditions are addressed the ODD is not an issue. A diagnosis of ODD with say ADHD means the problem is you and not your kid. Treatment tends to be therapy for the kid and parenting classes for you.

I agree. I have a son on the spectrum and he had behavioral issues when he was 3/4. Him being different meant we had to change our parenting style to match. The things that work on my oldest wouldn't work on him. Best class ever.

[Anonymous 2]

We were with a therapist for a while that used that diagnosis with my YDS. But I do believe he was misdiagnosed. He was so young, just 4 years old (he is now 9). The term was suggested after visiting with the therapist for multiple sessions and seeing a psychiatrist one time. He had set our deck on fire, and had severe difficulty following instructions, threw temper tantrums constantly, would break things on our house and try to physically harm me and our older DS. And he didn’t Fit any of the other classic disorders like ASD or ADD, so they had to use some diagnosis. We had also had genetic testing and an MRI to look for other explanations.treatment included ongoing therapy & consistent discipline & DBT at home.

Thr term was not been used by the next therapist, and diagnosis never made it back to his chart in the pediatrician office. And fortunately once he got older, his learning difficulties, working memory issues, sensory issues and executive functioning deficits came into focus and more easy to identify, and we were able to really understand more about the little guy and why following through with instructions and expectations, and maintaining emotional control were so challenging.

He is a different child now, and I think age, unconditional love and proper identification of his needs helped more than therapy or the type of discipline used.

I will address some of the comments above, rather than quoting people. As I do not wish to debate with them. ODD is felt to be caused by biological and genetic issues, which can be influenced by parenting. Sure there is a lot of prejudice, perhaps, ignorant medical professionals that like to blame parents, and mock mental health diagnoses in general, but to suggest it is a disease of shitty parenting is erroneous and hateful to parents who have a child with the condition who are doing the best they can with the tools they have.

As far as people searching for a label. I have NEVER wanted a label for my child, BUT imagine having this long list of behaviors that are so severe that your child is having difficulty functioning in society. Not just normal kids stuff, but truly, paralyzing things. And then, imagine you have no way to get medical help with just the list, you need a label. Or no one in the medical system or even at school, or playground or church understands this long list. They look at you sympathetically or judgmentally when the tantrums occur, and say & whisper things like, “does he have autism, he must” or “she says there is nothing wrong with him” after months and years of that, a label is welcome, just so your child can get help and you are understood.

No one is discounting the validity of your struggles. Or that some parents who have children with these challenges are good parents. At least I'm not.

But please dont call the doctors at the conference I went to ignorant or just wanting to blame parents. Several of them worked exclusively with children with ODD and their parents; they weren't ignorant.

I work in the medical system too, and I can confidently say that not one of those professionals, if they are reputable, stood up there and said, “it’s all due to shitty parenting”. They very likely said, working with parents on how to treat the disease is essential. Parenting and child temperaments are critical in understanding the disease. Parents need more tools to work with these children.

But the posts on this board literally say that it’s “shitty parenting” and there are MANY professionals that weren’t at your conference, who believe just that.

Are you denying this?

I didn't use that term, and of course no, they didn't either.

But the doctors did say that, although ODD is often comorbid with ADHD which could make it more difficult to parent the child, ODD itself was largely a parenting problem and that treatment they did focused mainly on the parent. This was through a very reputable childrens hospital in my area that brought in doctors from several places in the country who have a lot of experience working with these families. So again, I ask you not to call them ignorant.

[Baconqueen13]

I defriended this one woman over something like this. I don't know her well but I hung out with her a few times because of mutual friends. She was a piece of work. She always had some thing like she was not that overweight. But she needed Gastric bypass. Then she found out she had adult ADD so she could get ritalin and I know she was just doing it so she can lose more weight.

She was a perfectly functional successful adult. She did not have ADD. She ran her own successful business. What a crock.

Anyway, then she started in on her kids. I spent a decent amount of time with her kids. They were fine. Her son was a little nervous acting but honestly that may be because of his mother being nuts. Her DD was adorable and totally normal.

But one day this bitch posts on fb asking about that she thinks her DD has ODD or something because "She has been defiant lately". Um the little girl was 4. That is what sassy little 4 year old girls do! Meanwhile here I am with an actual child with autism to deal with. Oh but she has it SO hard!!!!

I defriended her ass. I just can't with people like that. Of course her DD is like in kindergarten now and perfectly doing great there. That bitch is just F***ing stupid. She either is constantly wanting attention or has Munchasens or something.

Either way-I am never dealing with her again. Our mutual friend ended up dumping her as a friend too. She also got fed up with her antics.

My eldest had a friend whose mom was like that. She would post fits on FB because kids didn't want to hang out with her kid anymore. Made up excuses like "Well one old friend only wants to hang out with the "popular kids", my kid doesn't like x friend anymore and the other hangs out with this boy that my kid doesn't like" .....Her kid was a major bully with control issues and didn't like anyone to have any other friends. The friend her kid "didn't like" anymore her kid had made cry at my kid's Birthday party. My kid was the one that "Hangs out with the boy" this girl didn't like. As far as
Mom, she was "Nice" as far as people go but she was/is a shit parent. Once she pulled her kids from school I unfriended her since our kids didn't hang out anymore.

[LiveWhatULove]

No one is discounting the validity of your struggles. Or that some parents who have children with these challenges are good parents. At least I'm not.

But please dont call the doctors at the conference I went to ignorant or just wanting to blame parents. Several of them worked exclusively with children with ODD and their parents; they weren't ignorant.

I work in the medical system too, and I can confidently say that not one of those professionals, if they are reputable, stood up there and said, “it’s all due to shitty parenting”. They very likely said, working with parents on how to treat the disease is essential. Parenting and child temperaments are critical in understanding the disease. Parents need more tools to work with these children.

But the posts on this board literally say that it’s “shitty parenting” and there are MANY professionals that weren’t at your conference, who believe just that.

Are you denying this?

I didn't use that term, and of course no, they didn't either.

But the doctors did say that, although ODD is often comorbid with ADHD which could make it more difficult to parent the child, ODD itself was largely a parenting problem and that treatment they did focused mainly on the parent. This was through a very reputable childrens hospital in my area that brought in doctors from several places in the country who have a lot of experience working with these families. So again, I ask you not to call them ignorant.

I agree with you, except, you are taking this personal, as I never said ALL providers, perhaps I should have said “some”, why do you think I am attacking the experts you refer to & know directly? I apologize, I am not. I am constant contact with wonderful PMHNPs, some who specialize in peds. They are dear friends. I adore them, and am not calling them ignorant either, only the ones who literally say it’s shitty or bad parenting.

But out of millions of providers, there are a lot of bad ones & some are ignorant. The posters here do not lie.

[Baconqueen13]

You're aware that medical professionals call ODD the "Shitty parent' disease, right? In very few cases ODD is due to a "co-existing" such as Autism or bi-polar disorder but once those conditions are addressed the ODD is not an issue. A diagnosis of ODD with say ADHD means the problem is you and not your kid. Treatment tends to be therapy for the kid and parenting classes for you.

As a medical professional I have never heard anyone call it that.

Almost none of what you said was accurate or factual

As an anon your status as a Medical professional is on par with "Homeopathic" cancer treatments of ginger root and saffron being effective

[Anonymous 4]

You're aware that medical professionals call ODD the "Shitty parent' disease, right? In very few cases ODD is due to a "co-existing" such as Autism or bi-polar disorder but once those conditions are addressed the ODD is not an issue. A diagnosis of ODD with say ADHD means the problem is you and not your kid. Treatment tends to be therapy for the kid and parenting classes for you.

As a medical professional I have never heard anyone call it that.

Almost none of what you said was accurate or factual

As an anon your status as a Medical professional is on par with "Homeopathic" cancer treatments of ginger root and saffron being effective

I have been a nurse for over 20 years. I always use anon

[RedBottoms]

I defriended this one woman over something like this. I don't know her well but I hung out with her a few times because of mutual friends. She was a piece of work. She always had some thing like she was not that overweight. But she needed Gastric bypass. Then she found out she had adult ADD so she could get ritalin and I know she was just doing it so she can lose more weight.

She was a perfectly functional successful adult. She did not have ADD. She ran her own successful business. What a crock.

Anyway, then she started in on her kids. I spent a decent amount of time with her kids. They were fine. Her son was a little nervous acting but honestly that may be because of his mother being nuts. Her DD was adorable and totally normal.

But one day this bitch posts on fb asking about that she thinks her DD has ODD or something because "She has been defiant lately". Um the little girl was 4. That is what sassy little 4 year old girls do! Meanwhile here I am with an actual child with autism to deal with. Oh but she has it SO hard!!!!

I defriended her ass. I just can't with people like that. Of course her DD is like in kindergarten now and perfectly doing great there. That bitch is just F***ing stupid. She either is constantly wanting attention or has Munchasens or something.

Either way-I am never dealing with her again. Our mutual friend ended up dumping her as a friend too. She also got fed up with her antics.

My eldest had a friend whose mom was like that. She would post fits on FB because kids didn't want to hang out with her kid anymore. Made up excuses like "Well one old friend only wants to hang out with the "popular kids", my kid doesn't like x friend anymore and the other hangs out with this boy that my kid doesn't like" .....Her kid was a major bully with control issues and didn't like anyone to have any other friends. The friend her kid "didn't like" anymore her kid had made cry at my kid's Birthday party. My kid was the one that "Hangs out with the boy" this girl didn't like. As far as
Mom, she was "Nice" as far as people go but she was/is a shit parent. Once she pulled her kids from school I unfriended her since our kids didn't hang out anymore.

That is why the mutual friend dumped her. Their DDs were besties. They met in preschool and were really good buddies. But she really could not deal with the mother anymore.

My friend spent a ton of time around her DD and said she did not have ODD or anything else. She was just sassy and had attitude probably from shitty parenting. But a totally normal little girl

[Anonymous 2]

I work in the medical system too, and I can confidently say that not one of those professionals, if they are reputable, stood up there and said, “it’s all due to shitty parenting”. They very likely said, working with parents on how to treat the disease is essential. Parenting and child temperaments are critical in understanding the disease. Parents need more tools to work with these children.

But the posts on this board literally say that it’s “shitty parenting” and there are MANY professionals that weren’t at your conference, who believe just that.

Are you denying this?

I didn't use that term, and of course no, they didn't either.

But the doctors did say that, although ODD is often comorbid with ADHD which could make it more difficult to parent the child, ODD itself was largely a parenting problem and that treatment they did focused mainly on the parent. This was through a very reputable childrens hospital in my area that brought in doctors from several places in the country who have a lot of experience working with these families. So again, I ask you not to call them ignorant.

I agree with you, except, you are taking this personal, as I never said ALL providers, perhaps I should have said “some”, why do you think I am attacking the experts you refer to & know directly? I apologize, I am not. I am constant contact with wonderful PMHNPs, some who specialize in peds. They are dear friends. I adore them, and am not calling them ignorant as well.

But out of millions of providers, there are a lot of bad ones & some are ignorant. The posters here do not lie.

It's clear having the opinion that ODD is generally a parenting problem doesn't mean they're ignorant. That's all.