Do you hold grudges for a long time?

Anonymous 1

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One of my SILs invited us to her house warming party as they got a new house. My DH was going through a very bad health crisis at the time so we couldn't go. We never were invited to her house again.

She also invited us to a bday party for her kid (that was not at her house) and we could not make it because it was at 10AM and where she had it was 3 hrs away. We were never invited to another bday party again.

Because of how she acts, I know she holds a grudge for this. The first thing was 19 years ago and the bday party invite was 10 years ago. She actually told me recently for some reason that she hasn't thrown a bday party in years...omg! she puts pics on social media of it! not sure why people lie about something that is easily proved wrong. Oh well, just seems like a grudge and some type of punishment. I don't care anymore but this just popped in my mind (probably because of having to see her soon) and I thought I'd ask about grudges and also do you have anyone similar in your life?
Traci_Momof2
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Anonymous 1 wrote: Wed Oct 30, 2019 10:06 am One of my SILs invited us to her house warming party as they got a new house. My DH was going through a very bad health crisis at the time so we couldn't go. We never were invited to her house again.

She also invited us to a bday party for her kid (that was not at her house) and we could not make it because it was at 10AM and where she had it was 3 hrs away. We were never invited to another bday party again.

Because of how she acts, I know she holds a grudge for this. The first thing was 19 years ago and the bday party invite was 10 years ago. She actually told me recently for some reason that she hasn't thrown a bday party in years...omg! she puts pics on social media of it! not sure why people lie about something that is easily proved wrong. Oh well, just seems like a grudge and some type of punishment. I don't care anymore but this just popped in my mind (probably because of having to see her soon) and I thought I'd ask about grudges and also do you have anyone similar in your life?
Not sure I understand what 10am and 3 hours away have to do with not making it to the party. If it's just because you didn't want to drive 3 hours for a party then fine, but then 10am has nothing to do with that.

Anyway, were there other things in between those two instances that she invited you to that you did go to? Or do you tend to have a habit of declining all her invites? Because if someone kept declining my invites I would probably stop inviting them because what's the point if they're going to decline. KWIM?
Otherwise I don't know. If they were two isolated incidents and you guys go every other time I don't know why she would hold a grudge. That's not grudge-worthy IMO. But I've seen people hold grudges over the stupidest shit sometimes.

Me personally, I'm not a grudge-holder for menial stuff. You really have to hurt me bad for me to hold a grudge long-term. And I have done it but trust me, it was way bigger than a declined invite.
Anonymous 2

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No. It’s not healthy.
Anonymous 3

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I can hold a grudge forever, but not over some petty BS like an invitation being declined. Although it did sting when my sister couldn't make it to my oldest's first birthday because she was "sick" and I later saw her tagged in posts about her coworkers birthday. But she's done much worse. I still keep giving her another chance.
Deleted User 1039

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About big things, yes, I can. Small things like that, no.
Anonymous 1

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Oh how hurtful! That is just so rude!! One of the many reasons I hate FB..I don't want to see what people are lying about! lol!
Anonymous 3 wrote: Wed Oct 30, 2019 11:03 am I can hold a grudge forever, but not over some petty BS like an invitation being declined. Although it did sting when my sister couldn't make it to my oldest's first birthday because she was "sick" and I later saw her tagged in posts about her coworkers birthday. But she's done much worse. I still keep giving her another chance.
Anonymous 1

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we were invited to only those 2 things. Then when she said to me that she hasn't had a bday party in years for her kids, and I saw the pics from them on FB, I thought hmmm, that's strange. My DH is a very laid back man and never wants drama, and he even says that yes SIL is holding a grudge but he doesn't care! lol!

About the bday party 3 hrs away....it actually wasn't about the drive..it was about the time we needed to be there. We would have had to wake up very early and leave by 6:30-6:45 AM (bathroom breaks) for a 2 hr party and then turn around and drive another 3 hrs back. Just felt ridiculous.
Traci_Momof2 wrote: Wed Oct 30, 2019 10:56 am
Anonymous 1 wrote: Wed Oct 30, 2019 10:06 am One of my SILs invited us to her house warming party as they got a new house. My DH was going through a very bad health crisis at the time so we couldn't go. We never were invited to her house again.

She also invited us to a bday party for her kid (that was not at her house) and we could not make it because it was at 10AM and where she had it was 3 hrs away. We were never invited to another bday party again.

Because of how she acts, I know she holds a grudge for this. The first thing was 19 years ago and the bday party invite was 10 years ago. She actually told me recently for some reason that she hasn't thrown a bday party in years...omg! she puts pics on social media of it! not sure why people lie about something that is easily proved wrong. Oh well, just seems like a grudge and some type of punishment. I don't care anymore but this just popped in my mind (probably because of having to see her soon) and I thought I'd ask about grudges and also do you have anyone similar in your life?
Not sure I understand what 10am and 3 hours away have to do with not making it to the party. If it's just because you didn't want to drive 3 hours for a party then fine, but then 10am has nothing to do with that.

Anyway, were there other things in between those two instances that she invited you to that you did go to? Or do you tend to have a habit of declining all her invites? Because if someone kept declining my invites I would probably stop inviting them because what's the point if they're going to decline. KWIM?
Otherwise I don't know. If they were two isolated incidents and you guys go every other time I don't know why she would hold a grudge. That's not grudge-worthy IMO. But I've seen people hold grudges over the stupidest shit sometimes.

Me personally, I'm not a grudge-holder for menial stuff. You really have to hurt me bad for me to hold a grudge long-term. And I have done it but trust me, it was way bigger than a declined invite.
Traci_Momof2
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If we could have found a way to make a day of it we would have gone to the b-day party 3 hours away. Early does not phase us. We will leave at 6am to drive 4 hours and spend the day somewhere and drive 4 hours home. But we are spending more than two hours at our destination. If there was nothing else fun to do beyond just the party I probably wouldn't go either just for 2 hours.
Anonymous 1 wrote: Wed Oct 30, 2019 11:35 am we were invited to only those 2 things. Then when she said to me that she hasn't had a bday party in years for her kids, and I saw the pics from them on FB, I thought hmmm, that's strange. My DH is a very laid back man and never wants drama, and he even says that yes SIL is holding a grudge but he doesn't care! lol!

About the bday party 3 hrs away....it actually wasn't about the drive..it was about the time we needed to be there. We would have had to wake up very early and leave by 6:30-6:45 AM (bathroom breaks) for a 2 hr party and then turn around and drive another 3 hrs back. Just felt ridiculous.
Traci_Momof2 wrote: Wed Oct 30, 2019 10:56 am
Anonymous 1 wrote: Wed Oct 30, 2019 10:06 am One of my SILs invited us to her house warming party as they got a new house. My DH was going through a very bad health crisis at the time so we couldn't go. We never were invited to her house again.

She also invited us to a bday party for her kid (that was not at her house) and we could not make it because it was at 10AM and where she had it was 3 hrs away. We were never invited to another bday party again.

Because of how she acts, I know she holds a grudge for this. The first thing was 19 years ago and the bday party invite was 10 years ago. She actually told me recently for some reason that she hasn't thrown a bday party in years...omg! she puts pics on social media of it! not sure why people lie about something that is easily proved wrong. Oh well, just seems like a grudge and some type of punishment. I don't care anymore but this just popped in my mind (probably because of having to see her soon) and I thought I'd ask about grudges and also do you have anyone similar in your life?
Not sure I understand what 10am and 3 hours away have to do with not making it to the party. If it's just because you didn't want to drive 3 hours for a party then fine, but then 10am has nothing to do with that.

Anyway, were there other things in between those two instances that she invited you to that you did go to? Or do you tend to have a habit of declining all her invites? Because if someone kept declining my invites I would probably stop inviting them because what's the point if they're going to decline. KWIM?
Otherwise I don't know. If they were two isolated incidents and you guys go every other time I don't know why she would hold a grudge. That's not grudge-worthy IMO. But I've seen people hold grudges over the stupidest shit sometimes.

Me personally, I'm not a grudge-holder for menial stuff. You really have to hurt me bad for me to hold a grudge long-term. And I have done it but trust me, it was way bigger than a declined invite.
Anonymous 3

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It was hurtful! Around the same time she would also tell my mom she was sick, or working, etc. (while my mom was battling cancer) and then my mom would see her posting pictures out partying with her friends. I just found that absolutely despicable, and I hurt so much for my mom.
Anonymous 1 wrote: Wed Oct 30, 2019 11:31 am Oh how hurtful! That is just so rude!! One of the many reasons I hate FB..I don't want to see what people are lying about! lol!
Anonymous 3 wrote: Wed Oct 30, 2019 11:03 am I can hold a grudge forever, but not over some petty BS like an invitation being declined. Although it did sting when my sister couldn't make it to my oldest's first birthday because she was "sick" and I later saw her tagged in posts about her coworkers birthday. But she's done much worse. I still keep giving her another chance.
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I don't hold grudges over little things. If I invite someone several times and they always turn me down,
I won't continue to invite them, but I won't be angry or anything.

Over big things, I will hold a grudge until the end of time. I will stop dealing with people who hurt me in huge ways. Life is too short to keep crappy people around.
Honey, I'm the original one-eyed chicklet in the kingdom of the blind, 'cause at least I admit the world makes me nuts.
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