Kathy Bates on MeToo: 'In my day, if you went to a guy’s hotel room, you knew why you were going'

[Olioxenfree]

Even these days women who accept the invite to a man's room know what to expect. And yet they go and mysteriously once in the room they lose their ability to say NO, they also evidently lose the capability to walk away. Shocking really, I mean they have consensual S*x then cry foul....i just don't get it.

Yeah, no. Coming into a room does not mean I consent to anything you want to do with me. Consent is required for consensual S*x. I went to my now husband's room many times to hang out before we started having S*x, he understood that coming to his room wasn't consent, didn't mean I wanted to have S*x, and didn't give him permission to rape me.

[Baconqueen13]

I don’t mind giving thirsty bitches the attention they need when it’s done in the right place at the right time. Sometimes they need a little drama. She was just too desperate to Spread that drama here and I shut her ass down. She had enough in the fight club.
I guess I lower myself to her level because in those group my value has been reduced to her level. That’s my cm past. In here I can have actual conversations with big girls.

It makes you look like as much of a drama queen as they are.

I know but I don’t care. I don’t take it that seriously. Cafemom mom confessions was all about drama. I can be a drama queen in one post in a group like the fight club and turn around and talk news in another post in news and politics. This site isn’t a serious site. It’s a spin off from the biggest drama filled group on cafemom. It’s in the site name. Mom confessions 2.0 I knew there would be drama when I joined so it doesn’t bother me. How people see me doesn’t bother me either. People should go by my interaction with them and not my interaction with drama queens. If they can’t do that then I don’t take their opinion seriously anyway.

[BionicBunny]

Even these days women who accept the invite to a man's room know what to expect. And yet they go and mysteriously once in the room they lose their ability to say NO, they also evidently lose the capability to walk away. Shocking really, I mean they have consensual S*x then cry foul....i just don't get it.

Yeah, no. Coming into a room does not mean I consent to anything you want to do with me. Consent is required for consensual S*x. I went to my now husband's room many times to hang out before we started having S*x, he understood that coming to his room wasn't consent, didn't mean I wanted to have S*x, and didn't give him permission to rape me.

I think she is saying a woman being invited to a mans hotel room alone knows what is expected from her. Say no before going to the room. Don’t go to his room.

[Olioxenfree]

Even these days women who accept the invite to a man's room know what to expect. And yet they go and mysteriously once in the room they lose their ability to say NO, they also evidently lose the capability to walk away. Shocking really, I mean they have consensual S*x then cry foul....i just don't get it.

Yeah, no. Coming into a room does not mean I consent to anything you want to do with me. Consent is required for consensual S*x. I went to my now husband's room many times to hang out before we started having S*x, he understood that coming to his room wasn't consent, didn't mean I wanted to have S*x, and didn't give him permission to rape me.

I think she is saying a woman being invited to a mans hotel room alone knows what is expected from her. Say no before going to the room. Don’t go to his room.

No. As I said, I went to my husband's room many times before having S*x. Going to a room does not mean a woman wants to have S*x and if the man expects that from her, that is his problem, not hers.

[moviestar]

first, I said safe AND comfortable. Second, there is a reason “have S*x with me or you’re fired” is illegal. and even that is still not the same as “ have S*x with me or your entire career is over” from someone with the power to follow through on that. I suspect you’d see it differently if it happened to you.

if saying no is not a safe and comfortable option, it isn’t really an option. coercion = rape.

I agree that it’s morally wrong. I disagree that it’s rape even if some laws in some places call it rape. A woman has a choice and a voice. She can practice using both.

IMO it’s only an unsafe option if the woman’s health and safety is threatened. Or her family’s safety is threatened. A job being threatened isn’t a big enough threat to not say no.

[BionicBunny]

I agree that it’s wrong and illegal but it’s sexual harassment and not rape. It’s wrong.
You suspect I would see it differently if it happened to me? I was sexually harassed. In fact I was trapped in a closet with a guy sexually harassing me. It’s a memory I don’t want to think about. I said no. I was afraid. I felt threatened and dirty. I was not raped.

first, I said safe AND comfortable. Second, there is a reason “have S*x with me or you’re fired” is illegal. and even that is still not the same as “ have S*x with me or your entire career is over” from someone with the power to follow through on that. I suspect you’d see it differently if it happened to you.

if saying no is not a safe and comfortable option, it isn’t really an option. coercion = rape.

IMO it’s only an unsafe option if the woman’s health and safety is threatened. Or her family’s safety is threatened. A job being threatened isn’t a big enough threat to not say no.

[moviestar]

well, no, because S*x actually did not take place. Something different (and gross) happened to you and i’m sorry that it did but that person did not have the same leverage over you that men like weinstein do over their victims.

Coerced consent is not consent and S*x without consent is... wait for it.... rape.

I agree that it’s wrong and illegal but it’s sexual harassment and not rape. It’s wrong.
You suspect I would see it differently if it happened to me? I was sexually harassed. In fact I was trapped in a closet with a guy sexually harassing me. It’s a memory I don’t want to think about. I said no. I was afraid. I felt threatened and dirty. I was not raped.

first, I said safe AND comfortable. Second, there is a reason “have S*x with me or you’re fired” is illegal. and even that is still not the same as “ have S*x with me or your entire career is over” from someone with the power to follow through on that. I suspect you’d see it differently if it happened to you.

IMO it’s only an unsafe option if the woman’s health and safety is threatened. Or her family’s safety is threatened. A job being threatened isn’t a big enough threat to not say no.

[BionicBunny]

How do you know he didn’t have leverage. He was my immediate supervisor. And S*x ( sexual acts) didn’t happen because I said no.

well, no, because S*x actually did not take place. Something different (and gross) happened to you and i’m sorry that it did but that person did not have the leverage over you that men like weinstein do over their victims.

Coerced consent is not consent and S*x without consent is... wait for it.... rape.

I agree that it’s wrong and illegal but it’s sexual harassment and not rape. It’s wrong.
You suspect I would see it differently if it happened to me? I was sexually harassed. In fact I was trapped in a closet with a guy sexually harassing me. It’s a memory I don’t want to think about. I said no. I was afraid. I felt threatened and dirty. I was not raped.

first, I said safe AND comfortable. Second, there is a reason “have S*x with me or you’re fired” is illegal. and even that is still not the same as “ have S*x with me or your entire career is over” from someone with the power to follow through on that. I suspect you’d see it differently if it happened to you.

[moviestar]

did saying no end your entire career?


ETA actually it doesn’t matter. Just as one woman using physical strength to fight off an attacker doesn’t mean a woman who couldn’t wasn’t forcibly raped, your reaction in a situation doesn’t negate another woman’s different reaction or experience with coercive rape.

Genuine consent must be freely and willingly given. S*x without consent is rape. 

How do you know he didn’t have leverage. He was my immediate supervisor. And S*x ( sexual acts) didn’t happen because I said no.

well, no, because S*x actually did not take place. Something different (and gross) happened to you and i’m sorry that it did but that person did not have the leverage over you that men like weinstein do over their victims.

Coerced consent is not consent and S*x without consent is... wait for it.... rape.

I agree that it’s wrong and illegal but it’s sexual harassment and not rape. It’s wrong.
You suspect I would see it differently if it happened to me? I was sexually harassed. In fact I was trapped in a closet with a guy sexually harassing me. It’s a memory I don’t want to think about. I said no. I was afraid. I felt threatened and dirty. I was not raped.

[BionicBunny]

Not exactly. Not being heard from people higher up did cause me to quit though.

did saying no end your entire career?


ETA actually it doesn’t matter. Just as one woman using physical strength to fight off an attacker doesn’t mean a woman who couldn’t wasn’t forcibly raped, your reaction in a situation doesn’t negate another woman’s different reaction or experience with coercive rape.

Genuine consent must be freely and willingly given. S*x without consent is rape. 

How do you know he didn’t have leverage. He was my immediate supervisor. And S*x ( sexual acts) didn’t happen because I said no.

well, no, because S*x actually did not take place. Something different (and gross) happened to you and i’m sorry that it did but that person did not have the leverage over you that men like weinstein do over their victims.

Coerced consent is not consent and S*x without consent is... wait for it.... rape.