"Don't let them talk about their dad like that"

Anonymous 1

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My ex hasn't seen the kids in years. He talks to them once and awhile on the phone.

We have been divorced for 10 years. He hasn't seen them other than at my daughters plays in over 3 years, by his own choice.

My oldest DD(16) is his obvious favorite. He talks to her all the time, he sends her gifts on her birthday and goes to her plays. He just favors her. Ask any of the 3 kids and they will tell you she is the favorite, hell she will tell you she is his favorite and hates her brother.

He doesn't talk to my son (15) if he can avoid it. He has never liked my son much and "forgets" his birthday and doesn't go to his activities that my son invites him to. My son has given up and just goes about his life, if he needs a "man" he will go to grandpa or uncle or even my boyfriend. He will flat out say his dad sucks and that dad hates him. He won't call him or tell him anything anymore since he missed something important to him last year ( I think that was the final straw). He makes offhand comments about how bad his dad is randomly. I think it's his way of coping.

My youngest (13) will talk to him sometimes, but calls him "Crusty, Musty" but I know it hurts her and she will cry that she wishes he dad loved her. He doesn't show up for her activities either. She gave up inviting him a couple of years ago. She does the same thing as my son and makes off hand comments how much her dad sucks. (she is SN, so her comments about her dad are more silly.. Like calling him crusty, musty or smelly)

I allow them to say what they want about him (I don't talk to him or about him at all). Well my mom heard something my son said about his dad not loving him and how much he sucks. He attempted to call his dad and ask him about something and his dad told him he was "to tired to talk to him"

My mom, thinks I should put a stop to these comments, I say they are teens and know how their dad is. They only say this stuff at home or to their friends. I don't think it's hurting anyone, and it's a way to get their feelings out.

Should I put a stop to it? I mean is it really a bad thing?
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mommy_jules
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I think it’s healthy for them to have someone safe to ‘vent’ or express how they truly feel to and be validated.
Anonymous 2

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Okay 👌
Anonymous 3

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Let them. f**k him
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RIZZY1
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I'm not sure. I know it hurts to hear bad things about your parent, even if they are true, even if it is coming from your sibling. I wouldn't want to create any further bad blood between the favorited child and the other two. Maybe it just shouldn't be such an ongoing topic? My children's dad did the same thing and now he's not in our lives anymore. The kids know that they can talk about him if they want to but they just...don't. We rarely talk about him at all. Maybe they can talk about it between the two of them when other people aren't around? Their feelings are valid but not every topic should be discussed around every person. I think your mom should stay out of it, though.
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SoFloMom
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It’s important for them to have a way to express their feelings. However the fact that he is blatantly showing favoritism is a problem and I can see it leading to resentment between the siblings.


DS will sometimes say some things about his bio dad, who has not been involved with him for about 8 years. I don’t talk crap about him, but he knows he can vent to me
Anonymous 1

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RIZZY1 wrote: Wed Sep 28, 2022 12:23 pm I'm not sure. I know it hurts to hear bad things about your parent, even if they are true, even if it is coming from your sibling. I wouldn't want to create any further bad blood between the favorited child and the other two. Maybe it just shouldn't be such an ongoing topic? My children's dad did the same thing and now he's not in our lives anymore. The kids know that they can talk about him if they want to but they just...don't. We rarely talk about him at all. Maybe they can talk about it between the two of them when other people aren't around? Their feelings are valid but not every topic should be discussed around every person. I think your mom should stay out of it, though.

Oh the "favorite" child talks just as much crap about him as the other 2 do. She knows she is the favorite, but according to her that doesn't mean very much when your dad sucks as bad as hers. She knows he sucks, she yelled at him when he missed her brothers event last year. She will fight with her siblings, but if you mess with them or hurt their feelings and I don't care if you are their dad, Her 4'9" 100lb self will fight you to the death!
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I try very hard not to badmouth my ex. He was involved and a better dad than many out there. That being said I’d tell mom the kids are speaking the truth and it hurts. If odd yelled at him and he hasn’t changed then he deserves it. I wouldn’t encourage it nor stop it.
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Valentina327
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I think as long as you don't join in bad mouthing him, they can vent. Sounds like he's less than ideal.
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RIZZY1
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Anonymous 1 wrote: Wed Sep 28, 2022 5:19 pm
RIZZY1 wrote: Wed Sep 28, 2022 12:23 pm I'm not sure. I know it hurts to hear bad things about your parent, even if they are true, even if it is coming from your sibling. I wouldn't want to create any further bad blood between the favorited child and the other two. Maybe it just shouldn't be such an ongoing topic? My children's dad did the same thing and now he's not in our lives anymore. The kids know that they can talk about him if they want to but they just...don't. We rarely talk about him at all. Maybe they can talk about it between the two of them when other people aren't around? Their feelings are valid but not every topic should be discussed around every person. I think your mom should stay out of it, though.

Oh the "favorite" child talks just as much crap about him as the other 2 do. She knows she is the favorite, but according to her that doesn't mean very much when your dad sucks as bad as hers. She knows he sucks, she yelled at him when he missed her brothers event last year. She will fight with her siblings, but if you mess with them or hurt their feelings and I don't care if you are their dad, Her 4'9" 100lb self will fight you to the death!
I'm glad she isn't upset with them. Hopefully all of the kids can work past this so they don't spend their life giving him real estate in their head.
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