Can you get away for an hour or two?

[Anonymous 3]

I like to plan things in advance, but I don't think it has anything to do with my being a woman/wife/mother. It's just my personality. A month in advance seems like a lot to me though, especially for an outing that will only last a couple of hours. If it was something I wasn't particularly interested in though I might want to plan it in advance rather than making time for it immediately.

[Gorilla_Mama]

I’m very lucky to have a MIL whose retired and willing to watch my kids whenever and without much notice. They’re also getting old enough to be left home alone for short periods.

I have had arguments with dh in the past though about him being able to up and leave and I had to ask and nag and be made to feel guilty. Completely unfair. He does better now but when they were toddlers it was a battle at times.

[Pjmm]

I had that problem with a simple meetup with two other people. One has no kids but she’s caring for her in-laws. So evenings are out because she cooks. I couldn’t do this weekend because a friend would be visiting (she may not come now. Thanks Ian.) So we scheduled two weeks in advance. I have time but I’m also an assistant scoutmaster. So even though we’re older we can have obligations. Like my best friend takes care of her mother. It just kinda sucks. Now if I were closer op I’d definitely go with you.

[RIZZY1]

Raises hand longingly!

I can get away but I'm recently separated and making an effort to do things for myself. Prior to separation, I wouldn't have thought that I had time to take away from my family. Warped, I know.

I don't think it's warped, per se. I think there's a huge pressure on parents, specifically on moms. I hope we get away from this idea that moms/parents have to sacrifice everything. I was actually thinking it would be harder for parents of younger kids so I specifically invited moms of older kids as well.

But seriously...if you are anywhere near Houston, I will take you! We just have to get there before October 31. They also have a spa with facials and massages but that's extra.

Also, all Villasport locations offer a one day free pass to anyone who has never been there before. I think everyone should take advantage of it!

You're so kind but I'm a thousand miles away! I guess I'm thinking about the years I negotiated for a weekend "women's trip" with friends (which I got but felt guilty about) and yet my husband routinely took week long fishing trips with brothers and friends. I took on the traditional role of mom which included 24/7 availability. Just looking back, I don't think it was fair and don't think it was that beneficial to my kids. I think it would have been a greater benefit if mom had been able to go away occasionally and do what mom wanted for her vacay!

It makes me think about the time I was hospitalized with pneumonia for a week and the day I got home my husband met me at the door really harried and said, "do you know what's been going on in this house while you've been gone!". I actually felt guilty for getting sick and totally neglected my recovery. Was taking the kids skiing several days later while basically coughing up a lung.

Sounds to me like you have more than earned your me time. Enjoy it and don't let anyone guilt you!

[RIZZY1]

Last year I was barely able to get grocery shopping done and I was working full time with older kids. This year I am not working so I have more free time available. It's quite different and I am not feeling the "mom pressure" nearly as much since I no longer have that guilt when I had to manage my time between kids, work, husband, self, etc. It's rather nice.

That is nice!

[RIZZY1]

That’s not my cup of tea, so definitely wouldn’t have a high priority for me. But yes, most of the household load is still on the woman at least in my neck of the woods and experience. That’s not to say men/husbands don’t help more than their fathers, but again there’s still that guilt or sense that you have to do everything.

I agree. My husband is active with our household and kids...much moreso than other of our fathers were. I feel like the way we have divided household chores is pretty equal, just very different. He takes on a lot of the day to day, like dishes. I do all of the work that isn't done on a daily basis like cleaning bathrooms, etc. Regardless, I feel guilty when something isn't done and I have a mental tally going on all the time. He doesn't.

[RIZZY1]

Empty nester so yep! Honestly, it was easier getting time away (once I was married to DD's step dad) when she was little vs. when she was older because of all of her activities.

BTW, what part of Houston? I am west of the city.

Katy!

[mrsjules79]

Empty nester so yep! Honestly, it was easier getting time away (once I was married to DD's step dad) when she was little vs. when she was older because of all of her activities.

BTW, what part of Houston? I am west of the city.

Katy!

ME TOO!

[Anonymous 1]

Empty nester so yep! Honestly, it was easier getting time away (once I was married to DD's step dad) when she was little vs. when she was older because of all of her activities.

BTW, what part of Houston? I am west of the city.

Katy!

ME TOO!

Yous should totally get together!! Small world.

[Traci_Momof2]

It wouldn't be much of an issue for me. Beside my work schedule I rarely have other stuff that ties down my schedule. And my kids are in HS and don't need a parent home at all times. I think that helps.

But even when the kids were young and I was working more, if I told my husband "hey, I just need an hour or two to get away and be by myself" he would make it happen and it wouldn't take a months notice.

I think it really just comes down to people's priorities. All people involved.