I don't care if BM said Sd can't.......

[LiveWhatULove]

I see both sides! This is a tough situation.

[Deleted User 1977]

They do have different rules, which is fair, yet questionable if they're deliberately going against what the other parent has set up in their own home in a bigger situation like this one.

Your title for this thread makes it appear that you might be having "we won" moment against the BM, and could explain some of replies you're receiving.

BM is actually the more lenient parent overall.

Different houses have different rules sometimes.

You can't understand how contradictory, confusing, and almost condescending this comes across as?

What other things are allowed with this minor age child in your home that aren't allowed at her Mom's house?

You seem to not be able to understand that I don't have a right to tell Bm what to do with her kids in her house. She also does not have the right to say what goes on with me in my houwe. She can raise her daughter how she sees fit but that ends when she comes home to our house.

[Anonymous 4]

But this isn’t about your marriage. It’s about a mothers right to choose what she feels is best for HER child. Dad over ruled instead of complying-that doesn’t make any of you right.

That isn't how my marriage works. What happens in my home is my business. SD is in my home more often than not so what is going on with her is my business. I can see that you just want to argue. People do things differently and that is okay. Sd wants to be able to drive and it's important to her. That is okay.

In your HOUSE, yes. In other people’s children, even if they’re in your house, NO. If there’s a disagreement between the parents, that’s for them to figure it out, however you feel about the mother being “irrational”. It’s none of your business. You should just stand back and let them deal with it. Unless driving at 16 is an absolute rule you want in your home, no one’s breaking your house rules by not wanting their children not to drive at that age.

I have a right to an input in my own house. Usually dh and BM coparent very well and are able to compromise and work through things. That doesn't work when BM is irrational about an issue.

[Anonymous 3]

That isn't how my marriage works. What happens in my home is my business. SD is in my home more often than not so what is going on with her is my business. I can see that you just want to argue. People do things differently and that is okay. Sd wants to be able to drive and it's important to her. That is okay.

In your HOUSE, yes. In other people’s children, even if they’re in your house, NO. If there’s a disagreement between the parents, that’s for them to figure it out, however you feel about the mother being “irrational”. It’s none of your business. You should just stand back and let them deal with it. Unless driving at 16 is an absolute rule you want in your home, no one’s breaking your house rules by not wanting their children not to drive at that age.

I have a right to an input in my own house. Usually dh and BM coparent very well and are able to compromise and work through things. That doesn't work when BM is irrational about an issue.

Not if your stepdaughters mother doesn't approve. You might be married to her father, but you aren't legally a parent. This is between bio dad and mom. Butt out.

[Traci_Momof2]

I don't have any step-kids but if I were in that kind of situation, anytime conflicts came up I would defer to my spouse who is the actual parent of the kid. And if the other parent had an issue with me I wouldn't even engage and would just keep saying "take it up with spouse".

Really, that seems like the only way to handle all these types of situations that come up when separated parents clash.

And to the point of your specific situation, your DH agrees with step-DD learning to drive so that's all I would need to know. If BM kept reaching out to me I would just keep telling her "take it up with DH".

[Traci_Momof2]

Did you miss the part where Dad wants his DD to learn to drive? And Dad has tried to talk to Mom about it but Mom won't hear of it? And Dad is the one that signed for DD to get her permit?

Really, this thread is about "Dad disagrees with Mom, and Dad's wife is supporting Dad". OP isn't really inserting herself or her own rules, just supporting what her DH wants for the child. And since it sounds like Dad has the child more often than Mom, why shouldn't Dad get final say?

In your HOUSE, yes. In other people’s children, even if they’re in your house, NO. If there’s a disagreement between the parents, that’s for them to figure it out, however you feel about the mother being “irrational”. It’s none of your business. You should just stand back and let them deal with it. Unless driving at 16 is an absolute rule you want in your home, no one’s breaking your house rules by not wanting their children not to drive at that age.

All these poor kids of broken families…. They’re the on,y ones that get screwed when their parents can’t co-parent properly and just salt on their wounds with stepparents who think they have a right to an input.

I have a right to an input in my own house. Usually dh and BM coparent very well and are able to compromise and work through things. That doesn't work when BM is irrational about an issue.

[Anonymous 5]

My husband and I had a rule when parenting that there were somethings that a "no" would be the veto vote. Driving age was one of those things.

[Traci_Momof2]

Are you saying that Dad should just comply with what Mom wants? That whatever Dad wants doesn't matter?

Dad wants DD to drive. Mom doesn't want DD to drive. DD is with Dad more often than Mom. Dad signed for DD to get her permit. DD gets to learn to drive.
How is Dad making decisions for his own DD wrong?

But this isn’t about your marriage. It’s about a mothers right to choose what she feels is best for HER child. Dad over ruled instead of complying-that doesn’t make any of you right.

That isn't how my marriage works. What happens in my home is my business. SD is in my home more often than not so what is going on with her is my business. I can see that you just want to argue. People do things differently and that is okay. Sd wants to be able to drive and it's important to her. That is okay.

In your HOUSE, yes. In other people’s children, even if they’re in your house, NO. If there’s a disagreement between the parents, that’s for them to figure it out, however you feel about the mother being “irrational”. It’s none of your business. You should just stand back and let them deal with it. Unless driving at 16 is an absolute rule you want in your home, no one’s breaking your house rules by not wanting their children not to drive at that age.

[Anonymous 6]

Why do so many of the kids on here go to schools far away from where they live? How do y'all just put your kids in a different district? What's the point of districts if you can just put your kids wherever?

[Anonymous 4]

Please re-read—I said Dad didn’t comply which makes everyone wrong in this situation. Mom won’t budge, Dad over rules and step mom thinks she is right. Nope, not one person in this is right.

Are you saying that Dad should just comply with what Mom wants? That whatever Dad wants doesn't matter?

Dad wants DD to drive. Mom doesn't want DD to drive. DD is with Dad more often than Mom. Dad signed for DD to get her permit. DD gets to learn to drive.
How is Dad making decisions for his own DD wrong?

But this isn’t about your marriage. It’s about a mothers right to choose what she feels is best for HER child. Dad over ruled instead of complying-that doesn’t make any of you right.

That isn't how my marriage works. What happens in my home is my business. SD is in my home more often than not so what is going on with her is my business. I can see that you just want to argue. People do things differently and that is okay. Sd wants to be able to drive and it's important to her. That is okay.