BM doesn't make sense

[Tigress22304]

I want somebody to explain this to me.

November 2018-BM showed up dumping my 2 stepkids at my door screaming how she was done being a parent and how they're now our (mine and their father's) responsibility.

She took off back to her place to box up everything of my SS's (SD17 was already living with us) and threw that on my porch.

When it came time to enroll SS into school-she came with DH and handled all of that. However she put my information down instead of hers.

November 2019 we moved back to our hometown.

DH and I both enrolled SS and DD together. I handled all the paperwork and added BM's info and DH's info AS PRIMARY and SECONDARY parents.
I listed myself as stepparent under DH's information.

*I went to this same high school as did DH so everybody there knows us.


So here's my issue-BM refuses to participate in anything when it comes to SS. She will not reply to any texts/emails parent teacher meetings etc.
She refused to do the tour as well.

We have sent her his progress reports/report cards-she gets all the same emails/notices we do.

However she is always bitching we are not keeping her up to date with his schooling.
Our school district decided to do strictly remote learning or we can home school.

DH has tried everything to get BM's opinion-she says it has nothing to do with her....so DH signed him up for remote learning.

Now she's crying she doesn't get to have a say.

She will not call her son...she will not answer his texts or Facetime...if her family is having an event-she tells DH NOT to allow SS to come....and if he does-she goes off how he doesn't belong there. And if he doesn't show up-she cries how he abandoned her.

The entire family knows she dumped all 3 of her kids....but she only keeps contact with her 2 daughters.

What is the point of playing these games?
Can anybody explain this to me?

My SS14 daily calls or texts his mom-so its not from a lack of trying on his end....I don't get how she can treat him like that but act like a big baby?

I told DH to stop wasting everybody's time-don't send her anything-let her find out on her own. Because quite frankly I don't think she truly gives a damn unless its' to bring attention to herself.

[Anonymous 1]

It sounds like she wants to play the victim.

Does she have mental health issues?

I feel bad for the kids in all this.

[Smarties]

I'm guessing she wants to be a victim. Therefore she won't look like the bad guy dumping her responsibility for her kids. My sd's bm was like that. Plus she just sounds unstable anyway.

I wouldn't cater to her anymore on school stuff. She has the contact info. She can get access to things just as well as you can. I think you're right to tell your dh that. Put the responsibility for being a parent back on her. Then she either sinks or swims but it'll be all her doing either way.

[Momto2boys973]

Not being a manipulative bitch myself, I really can’t explain her reasons for her little games. All that comes to mind is that she has some regrets over what she did, but has a hard time making amends because of her ego. So she jumps from showing some interest to being the same sorry excuse for a mother who abandoned her child and playing her victim act.
Personally, I would advice my husband to put all the cards on the table. I would tell him to list every information he sent her and tell her to cut the crap about “not being informed” She was And she didn’t care. So then (if I was the ex) I would tell her I’m done playing her games and so I will no longer be sending her ANY information unless she asks for it. And then she’ll only get it when she wants to talk TO her son, not ABOUT him. And finally, I would tell her that my son will go to any family gathering he’s invited to and she’s free to not go herself if she doesn’t want to see her son. I would tell her there are consequences for abandoning a child and tough for her, but she’ll experience them and she has A LOT of making up to do if she wants things to be different.
My heart goes out to your SS. Obviously he’s still trying to reach out to her and he doesn’t deserve that treatment. It must be very hurtful for him.

[Tigress22304]

It sounds like she wants to play the victim.

Does she have mental health issues?

I feel bad for the kids in all this.

I want to say yes because my SD19 was in therapy for most of her teens because of certain issues-the therapist wanted to do family therapy with mom/stepdad and dad/stepmom and from what SD told us....the therapist told BM she needs to be medicated for her own safety.

There are several in BM's family that has mental issues, we think BM does too but she refuses to acknowledge there is anything wrong with her.

[Tigress22304]

I'm guessing she wants to be a victim. Therefore she won't look like the bad guy dumping her responsibility for her kids. My sd's bm was like that. Plus she just sounds unstable anyway.

I wouldn't cater to her anymore on school stuff. She has the contact info. She can get access to things just as well as you can. I think you're right to tell your dh that. Put the responsibility for being a parent back on her. Then she either sinks or swims but it'll be all her doing either way.

yes she loves playing the victim...its easier to blame somebody else then say "I want to make things better,let me try to improve this!"
because she won't ever put forth the effort to better anything in her life. Which is a shame because I know she's more then capable of doing so much with herself.

[agander2017]

She doesn't want the responsibility, she just wants people to feel sorry for her. She doesn't want her son around her, she doesn't even want to talk to him. I wouldn't tell her anything anymore. Just cut her out until she can stop acting like a child.

[Tigress22304]

Not being a manipulative bitch myself, I really can’t explain her reasons for her little games. All that comes to mind is that she has some regrets over what she did, but has a hard time making amends because of her ego. So she jumps from showing some interest to being the same sorry excuse for a mother who abandoned her child and playing her victim act.
Personally, I would advice my husband to put all the cards on the table. I would tell him to list every information he sent her and tell her to cut the crap about “not being informed” She was And she didn’t care. So then (if I was the ex) I would tell her I’m done playing her games and so I will no longer be sending her ANY information unless she asks for it. And then she’ll only get it when she wants to talk TO her son, not ABOUT him. And finally, I would tell her that my son will go to any family gathering he’s invited to and she’s free to not go herself if she doesn’t want to see her son. I would tell her there are consequences for abandoning a child and tough for her, but she’ll experience them and she has A LOT of making up to do if she wants things to be different.
My heart goes out to your SS. Obviously he’s still trying to reach out to her and he doesn’t deserve that treatment. It must be very hurtful for him.

let me say this-when it comes to her family-they don't tolerate her bs. She's been asked to leave a few times because of her behaviors. but its her own fault.
she chose to stay with a man who ruined her life down to living in a shithole of a house-supporting him and his kids working a crap dead end job.

BM is actually very smart,she is capable of living on her own and being independent. But she's the type to "need" a man to survive.
Sadly she chose said man over her own kids and karma got her ass for it.
I think if she actually tried-she would have a great relationship with her son. Because he's a great kid.

He gets good grades, enjoys church,loves to video game and hike....any mother would be blessed to have him!!!

but she rather fawn over her boyfriend's children who treat her like trash.
smh

[Tigress22304]

Not being a manipulative bitch myself, I really can’t explain her reasons for her little games. All that comes to mind is that she has some regrets over what she did, but has a hard time making amends because of her ego. So she jumps from showing some interest to being the same sorry excuse for a mother who abandoned her child and playing her victim act.
Personally, I would advice my husband to put all the cards on the table. I would tell him to list every information he sent her and tell her to cut the crap about “not being informed” She was And she didn’t care. So then (if I was the ex) I would tell her I’m done playing her games and so I will no longer be sending her ANY information unless she asks for it. And then she’ll only get it when she wants to talk TO her son, not ABOUT him. And finally, I would tell her that my son will go to any family gathering he’s invited to and she’s free to not go herself if she doesn’t want to see her son. I would tell her there are consequences for abandoning a child and tough for her, but she’ll experience them and she has A LOT of making up to do if she wants things to be different.
My heart goes out to your SS. Obviously he’s still trying to reach out to her and he doesn’t deserve that treatment. It must be very hurtful for him.

let me say this-when it comes to her family-they don't tolerate her bs. She's been asked to leave a few times because of her behaviors. but its her own fault.
she chose to stay with a man who ruined her life down to living in a shithole of a house-supporting him and his kids working a crap dead end job.

BM is actually very smart,she is capable of living on her own and being independent. But she's the type to "need" a man to survive.
Sadly she chose said man over her own kids and karma got her ass for it.
I think if she actually tried-she would have a great relationship with her son. Because he's a great kid.

He gets good grades, enjoys church,loves to video game and hike....any mother would be blessed to have him!!!

but she rather fawn over her boyfriend's children who treat her like trash.
smh

[Tigress22304]

Not being a manipulative bitch myself, I really can’t explain her reasons for her little games. All that comes to mind is that she has some regrets over what she did, but has a hard time making amends because of her ego. So she jumps from showing some interest to being the same sorry excuse for a mother who abandoned her child and playing her victim act.
Personally, I would advice my husband to put all the cards on the table. I would tell him to list every information he sent her and tell her to cut the crap about “not being informed” She was And she didn’t care. So then (if I was the ex) I would tell her I’m done playing her games and so I will no longer be sending her ANY information unless she asks for it. And then she’ll only get it when she wants to talk TO her son, not ABOUT him. And finally, I would tell her that my son will go to any family gathering he’s invited to and she’s free to not go herself if she doesn’t want to see her son. I would tell her there are consequences for abandoning a child and tough for her, but she’ll experience them and she has A LOT of making up to do if she wants things to be different.
My heart goes out to your SS. Obviously he’s still trying to reach out to her and he doesn’t deserve that treatment. It must be very hurtful for him.

let me say this-when it comes to her family-they don't tolerate her bs. She's been asked to leave a few times because of her behaviors. but its her own fault.
she chose to stay with a man who ruined her life down to living in a shithole of a house-supporting him and his kids working a crap dead end job.

BM is actually very smart,she is capable of living on her own and being independent. But she's the type to "need" a man to survive.
Sadly she chose said man over her own kids and karma got her ass for it.
I think if she actually tried-she would have a great relationship with her son. Because he's a great kid.

He gets good grades, enjoys church,loves to video game and hike....any mother would be blessed to have him!!!

but she rather fawn over her boyfriend's children who treat her like trash.
smh