Anonymous 1 wrote: ↑Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:31 am
Everything with my ex and I is 50/50. Neither one of us has more say than the other. Everything is completely equal. There is no primary parent listed. I thought that was normal with 50/50 custody until I was reading another post where people were insisting one had to be the primary parent.
My husband also has 50/50 with BM and neither one of them is the primary parent either.
I'm not sure what the point of 50/50 would be if in the end one got the final say over the other parent anyway.
I think it's great when 50/50 works. Unfortunately not everyone can make it work. I hope it continues to work for you!
Anonymous 2 wrote: ↑Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:50 am
It's great when two can work it out amicably. I'm curious, though, how does it work for tax purposes? Who claims the children? Do you just alternate that from year to year?
I disagree. Just because other people might not be able to handle it doesn't mean we need one of us to be the primary parent. Not everyone can handle 50/50 and many can. Using a mediator doesn't take up the courts time and if some people were taking up a lot of court time a judge could always change the agreement to solve that issue.
Yes we alternate. I have even years and he has odd years
Frau Holle wrote: ↑Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:34 am
So what happens if you disagree and neither wants to budge?
We could meet with a mediator to help guide us through the issue or go to court. That has never been something we needed but they are options.
Well, then that’s why there should be a primary parent.
You might not have needed it but if other people are taking up time in court for trivial disagreements like which school the kid should go to, it’s too time consuming.
What do married couples do when they don't agree on something. They figure it out. There is no primary parent in a marriage. I never understand why people think that just because a couple is divorced one person deserves more power over the kids than the other. married couples have to work this stuff out every day.
That's great and all but not everything that needs to be decided is a court issue if the 2 parents can't agree. There will always be 1 parent that makes decisions without asking every little thing from the other parent. Usually the Mom (just like if they were still married)
I know with my parents they each claimed a child since there was just two of us.
Anonymous 2 wrote: ↑Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:50 am
It's great when two can work it out amicably. I'm curious, though, how does it work for tax purposes? Who claims the children? Do you just alternate that from year to year?
Well, then that’s why there should be a primary parent.
You might not have needed it but if other people are taking up time in court for trivial disagreements like which school the kid should go to, it’s too time consuming.
I disagree. Just because other people might not be able to handle it doesn't mean we need one of us to be the primary parent. Not everyone can handle 50/50 and many can. Using a mediator doesn't take up the courts time and if some people were taking up a lot of court time a judge could always change the agreement to solve that issue.
My ex and I have 50/50 legal custody meaning we have equal say in what goes on with the kids school, Dr's etc. (I have always had primary physical custody, it was 5 days with me 2 with him)
THAT worked out well for years, until my ex-mil choked my daughter and my ex had to move out of her house because she is no longer allowed around the kids. He moved into an apartment, then managed to get evicted and moved back in with his mom.
I have the kids 100% of the time physically now and he very rarely sees or calls them by his own choice.
As for legal custody, we still have 50/50, but when we went to court it was put in that while we can both make decisions for them school and medical wise. I get final say if we can not agree because he was arguing with every choice I made even stupid ones like DD 12 burned herself with hot water it was not a bad burn and didn't need medical attention, He wanted me to take her to the ER. I told him he was more than welcome too, but he wanted me too. He was also blocking DD from getting tested for learning disabilities and getting medication for ADHD because "he didn't think there was anything wrong" . So the court said we need to discuss it, but if we disagree, since the kids are living with me at all times, I get final say....... They didn't want to take away his legal custody because, he does need the ability to take them to the Dr and sign for them and have access to their school records, but they also didn't agree with the fact that he was making things difficult just because he could.
So It may work for you, it doesn't work for everyone.
The same argument can be applied to married couples. Sure my husband and I share our children 50/50 but there are and will continue to be times when one of us makes a decision and the other will be opposed. Period. So what should we do? Go to court? Go to mediation? It’s ridiculous.
