S/O I have 50/50 custody and no one is the primary parent

Anonymous 1

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Everything with my ex and I is 50/50. Neither one of us has more say than the other. Everything is completely equal. There is no primary parent listed. I thought that was normal with 50/50 custody until I was reading another post where people were insisting one had to be the primary parent.

My husband also has 50/50 with BM and neither one of them is the primary parent either.

I'm not sure what the point of 50/50 would be if in the end one got the final say over the other parent anyway.
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Frau Holle
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So what happens if you disagree and neither wants to budge?
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Anonymous 1

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Frau Holle wrote: Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:34 am So what happens if you disagree and neither wants to budge?
We could meet with a mediator to help guide us through the issue or go to court. That has never been something we needed but they are options.
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sarah824
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Anonymous 1 wrote: Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:31 am Everything with my ex and I is 50/50. Neither one of us has more say than the other. Everything is completely equal. There is no primary parent listed. I thought that was normal with 50/50 custody until I was reading another post where people were insisting one had to be the primary parent.

My husband also has 50/50 with BM and neither one of them is the primary parent either.

I'm not sure what the point of 50/50 would be if in the end one got the final say over the other parent anyway.
One of DS's best friends is in a situation like this. His parents have been divorced since he was pretty young and 50/50 has worked great for them. No one has more "power" than the other and they compromise as needed. Now that he is 15 he has more say in how is time gets split and which parent he wants to spend time with and when, but it has always been fairly amicable between the parents. I truly believe 50/50 without a primary is the best situation for the kids if the parents can make it work.
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Frau Holle
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Anonymous 1 wrote: Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:35 am
Frau Holle wrote: Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:34 am So what happens if you disagree and neither wants to budge?
We could meet with a mediator to help guide us through the issue or go to court. That has never been something we needed but they are options.
Well, then that’s why there should be a primary parent.
You might not have needed it but if other people are taking up time in court for trivial disagreements like which school the kid should go to, it’s too time consuming.
“ I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night “ - Sarah Williams
Anonymous 1

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Frau Holle wrote: Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:40 am
Anonymous 1 wrote: Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:35 am
Frau Holle wrote: Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:34 am So what happens if you disagree and neither wants to budge?
We could meet with a mediator to help guide us through the issue or go to court. That has never been something we needed but they are options.
Well, then that’s why there should be a primary parent.
You might not have needed it but if other people are taking up time in court for trivial disagreements like which school the kid should go to, it’s too time consuming.
I disagree. Just because other people might not be able to handle it doesn't mean we need one of us to be the primary parent. Not everyone can handle 50/50 and many can. Using a mediator doesn't take up the courts time and if some people were taking up a lot of court time a judge could always change the agreement to solve that issue.
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It's great when two can work it out amicably. I'm curious, though, how does it work for tax purposes? Who claims the children? Do you just alternate that from year to year?
Anonymous 1 wrote: Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:43 am
Frau Holle wrote: Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:40 am
Anonymous 1 wrote: Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:35 am

We could meet with a mediator to help guide us through the issue or go to court. That has never been something we needed but they are options.
Well, then that’s why there should be a primary parent.
You might not have needed it but if other people are taking up time in court for trivial disagreements like which school the kid should go to, it’s too time consuming.
I disagree. Just because other people might not be able to handle it doesn't mean we need one of us to be the primary parent. Not everyone can handle 50/50 and many can. Using a mediator doesn't take up the courts time and if some people were taking up a lot of court time a judge could always change the agreement to solve that issue.
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Anonymous 2 wrote: Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:50 am It's great when two can work it out amicably. I'm curious, though, how does it work for tax purposes? Who claims the children? Do you just alternate that from year to year?
Anonymous 1 wrote: Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:43 am
Frau Holle wrote: Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:40 am

Well, then that’s why there should be a primary parent.
You might not have needed it but if other people are taking up time in court for trivial disagreements like which school the kid should go to, it’s too time consuming.
I disagree. Just because other people might not be able to handle it doesn't mean we need one of us to be the primary parent. Not everyone can handle 50/50 and many can. Using a mediator doesn't take up the courts time and if some people were taking up a lot of court time a judge could always change the agreement to solve that issue.
Yes we alternate. I have even years and he has odd years
Anonymous 3

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To me its an oxymoron to say 50/50 but one parent is "primary" or is the "tie-breaker." Sounds sort of like "separate but equal." We all know its not actually equal in that situation.

Really glad you guys make it work. Should be like that.
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Anonymous 1 wrote: Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:31 am Everything with my ex and I is 50/50. Neither one of us has more say than the other. Everything is completely equal. There is no primary parent listed. I thought that was normal with 50/50 custody until I was reading another post where people were insisting one had to be the primary parent.

My husband also has 50/50 with BM and neither one of them is the primary parent either.

I'm not sure what the point of 50/50 would be if in the end one got the final say over the other parent anyway.

I think it's great when 50/50 works. Unfortunately not everyone can make it work. I hope it continues to work for you!
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