Dh is not attracted to me physically.

[Original red]

I'm confused, he never said he didn't love you. He said he wasn't attracted to you.

He still loves me but I guess what I wanted to say is he hasn't made love to me in a while. We have S*x sometimes but he doesn't do foreplay. Expects me too though.

[Original red]

Sounds like a lot of anger and resentment, and I would guess it is about more than the physical changes that are common over time. Are you dependent on your husband both financially and emotionally? It can be difficult to be in a relationship that is unequal - difficult on both sides. You may have anger and resentment toward him as well.

Saying you are "broken" and "damaged" is not helpful. Name calling and put downs will not improve things. You both need to identify what could be better in the relationship and decide if you are willing to make changes.

You can "be on your own" though you may be afraid to be so. Take a look at that belief, and see if you can picture a way forward that does not depend on you being married. When you are able to see yourself as having choices and being autonomous you will be better able to change things for the positive - not react out of fear.

I know deep down he says it to help me. If he wanted a divorce he would file. Women flirt with him all the time.

I can't imagine saying these things to anyone thinking it would "help." These words are making you feel bad and creating more distance. Both of you need to decide if you want the marriage to work, and then make changes - both of you. He needs to stop criticizing, and you need to be more independent (I am guessing.)

You mentioned past abuse. If that is the case you can to choose to work on that yourself, or with a counselor if it is effecting your happiness or marriage. But that is not something to bring up in arguments or use as complaint about someone.

He used to be supportive of me going to therapy but now he says it's getting old.

[famousglm714]

I wouldn't make him love me. I'd make him hate after saying all that. Unless it's all true. Even if it is he could have said it in a nicer manner.

[deltathree]

He prefers me skinny and I've gained weight and he's tried but he can't fake it anymore.

He says I take care of the kids. My cooking could be better since I stay home all day.

He says he wishes he got to know me better before committing to a broken damaged woman who acts like a child.

How can I make him love me.

I can't be on my own. I haven't worked since college.

Have you thought about your own counseling for your past abuse issues and then marriage counseling for the two of you?

I don't think it's right of him to complain about your weight or the cooking.

[MonarchMom]

I know deep down he says it to help me. If he wanted a divorce he would file. Women flirt with him all the time.

I can't imagine saying these things to anyone thinking it would "help." These words are making you feel bad and creating more distance. Both of you need to decide if you want the marriage to work, and then make changes - both of you. He needs to stop criticizing, and you need to be more independent (I am guessing.)

You mentioned past abuse. If that is the case you can to choose to work on that yourself, or with a counselor if it is effecting your happiness or marriage. But that is not something to bring up in arguments or use as complaint about someone.

He used to be supportive of me going to therapy but now he says it's getting old.

What are your feelings here? All we are hearing are what your husband says, thinks, or feels. Please step back from this, stop focusing on how he sees you, and decide what you want for your life. Stay with your therapy and make a plan to move forward for yourself.

[agander2017]

So he's telling you what you need to fix. What are you going to do about it?

I've been trying to lose weight for years. He hasn't had S*x with me in a while. He says I look gross and smell bad.

Wow... I'm sorry, but he didn't need to be that cruel. I think you need to sit him down and talk to him, and tell him how much that hurt you. That's never okay to say to anyone. Honestly, it sounds like he's already checked out of the marriage. I'm sorry, but it might be time for you to try to move on.