I told her so, I told her so

[JoJo728]

My dh proposed after 3 months married in 6. We've been married 16 years.
I never would have thought it possible but sometimes you just know.
He was just a scrub.

Did either of you have children at the time? I agree it is possible to marry quickly and have it be successful. But when children are involved, you got to tap the brakes cause it isn’t just about you.

The OPs friend moved quickly. And now these kids are paying the price. Maybe if she had used her head more than her heart and paid attention to the red flags, she would not be in this predicament.

[Momto2boys973]

I disagree that children mean that it can’t work. The issue isn’t how long you get to know the person, but how deeply and honestly you get to know a person. And that doesn’t require years if both parties are interested in truly getting to know each other. By the time I got engaged, I knew my husband’s whole family, he knew mine. Both families knew each other, we had mutual friends and we double dated with each other’s friends as well. We both knew we were looking for a more serious relationship, so neither of us played these ridiculous dating games of playing hard to get or pretending to be someone we’re not. So we got to know each other and our life goals fairly early on.
If OPs story is true, the problem wasn’t the rushing into marriage and children. The problem was that she never got to truly know the guy and ignored some serious red flags at the beginning.

DH and I got engaged 3 months after we started dating. Granted, we had to wait a year and a half to get married, but it’s 24 years later and we’re still together and happy.

Me either. There have been married couples that married quickly and live happily. I wouldn't do it myself but not every man who marries quickly is a user. Hindsight is 20/20.

While I agree that there are couples who met, marry quickly and have successful marriages, I think if there are children involved you tap the brakes and slow it down. It is one thing if you are on your own and entirely a different story when you are responsible for the emotional and physical well-being of a child.

[Momto2boys973]

I wondered the same thing, but OP hasn’t been back to answer questions.
I was believing the story was true until that part, because if you file a missing person’s report and the person is found no way will they tell you “oh, but we can’t tell you where he is!” BS. He’s her husband and there are children involved that need CS.

I don't believe they couldn't tell her where he was. This story seems fishy

[madfoodie]

I disagree that children mean that it can’t work. The issue isn’t how long you get to know the person, but how deeply and honestly you get to know a person. And that doesn’t require years if both parties are interested in truly getting to know each other. By the time I got engaged, I knew my husband’s whole family, he knew mine. Both families knew each other, we had mutual friends and we double dated with each other’s friends as well. We both knew we were looking for a more serious relationship, so neither of us played these ridiculous dating games of playing hard to get or pretending to be someone we’re not. So we got to know each other and our life goals fairly early on.
If OPs story is true, the problem wasn’t the rushing into marriage and children. The problem was that she never got to truly know the guy and ignored some serious red flags at the beginning.

DH and I got engaged 3 months after we started dating. Granted, we had to wait a year and a half to get married, but it’s 24 years later and we’re still together and happy.

While I agree that there are couples who met, marry quickly and have successful marriages, I think if there are children involved you tap the brakes and slow it down. It is one thing if you are on your own and entirely a different story when you are responsible for the emotional and physical well-being of a child.

I agree. We both had children. Did background checks on each other, did std testing, went on dates almost daily. Both my parents, brother, sister all lived within a block of him. His son was already playing with my niece.
I knew his mom, met his brother, and sister.
We visited his best friend regularly. We were very involved with each other. We still have weekly date nights.

[Lotus]

So the biological father just rolled over and gave up legal rights to his tween children?

Even in the world of CM that seems like a reach.

[Anonymous 6]

I wondered the same thing, but OP hasn’t been back to answer questions.
I was believing the story was true until that part, because if you file a missing person’s report and the person is found no way will they tell you “oh, but we can’t tell you where he is!” BS. He’s her husband and there are children involved that need CS.

I don't believe they couldn't tell her where he was. This story seems fishy

Exactly! Ill be damned if my husband disappeared and the cops tell me they found him but won't tell me where her is. f**k no we are married! We have kids!

[Anonymous 6]

So the biological father just rolled over and gave up legal rights to his tween children?

Even in the world of CM that seems like a reach.

It happens quite often especially if they aren't active in their kids lives. Plus the "no more child support" would sound pretty nice

[Anonymous 8]

“They can’t tell her where he is”? Who’s “they” and why can’t they? She has a right to know.

My daughter left home in the middle of the night with no warning or note or anything. She was 18. I filed a missing persons report. The police did find her but did not tell me anything more than she was okay and she left on her own. No one has the actual right to know where another adult is.

[Anonymous 8]

I don't believe they couldn't tell her where he was. This story seems fishy

That is not fishy but very true. The same thing happened to me when my daughter left home. They couldn't tell me where she is. Leaving home suddenly doesn't mean the police are allowed to suddenly give away where you are just because someone asks.

[Momto2boys973]

They do when that person is responsible for child support.

“They can’t tell her where he is”? Who’s “they” and why can’t they? She has a right to know.

My daughter left home in the middle of the night with no warning or note or anything. She was 18. I filed a missing persons report. The police did find her but did not tell me anything more than she was okay and she left on her own. No one has the actual right to know where another adult is.