What would you do if this was your child and nanny?

[Anonymous 1]

This came up yesterday in a group I’m in.

Nanny is black. Child is a white 6 year old boy.

Child wanted ice cream. Nanny said no. Child said “my mom and dad own you, if you don’t do what I want they will fire you”

Nanny becomes offended, says it feels like she lives on a plantation and she said she had some choice words with the kid. She doesn’t tell us what she said only that the nanny poppins in the group would probably find what she said to be wrong.

She said she also told the parents what the kid said and they said they would address it.

One comment from a white nanny said that she has had the same thing happen to her. I, too, have had that said to me and I asked 2 other friends who happen to be white nannies and they’ve said they have had kids say the same to them.

The op in the post acknowledged that had it been a black child that said it to her she would not have gotten her feelings hurt.

So how would you handle the situation if you were the parent?

For me, I’d def have a convo with my bratty child and there would be punishments for what he said but if the nanny is turning something into a racial argument that I feel isn’t a racial argument I’d fire her.

[mojogirl]

Not sure the child was racially motivated in their remark, but if I were the nanny I'd be looking for new employment.

[Olioxenfree]

My kid would be in a world of trouble if they spoke to anyone like that. Since I don't know the child, I can't say if it was racially motivated, but either way I can understand why the nanny was upset.

[CandTmom]

My kid would be in huge trouble for disrespecting someone like that.

The nanny doesn't seem cut out for that job though.

[madfoodie]

That's offensive no matter the race. No one us anyone else's property.
She made it racial. If she would t be upset over that statement I'd a black child said it then she needs to look at herself.

[Anonymous 2]

I doubt it was a racial thing for the child. So she can get over that aspect.

The child sounds like a class A entitled brat. Not all that uncommon anymore unfortunately. Kids say stuff like this to their teachers as well.

[Anonymous 3]

I doubt it was racial. I'm white and when I was doing child care at the church I had a white boy tell me that I'd better do what he says or he will have his dad fire me (his dad was the youth pastor). When his mom came to get him I discreetly pulled her aside and asked her to address that with him. Apparently she was greatly embarrassed and offended because somehow she said I made a big public spectacle of it so she decided to go to the church and make a big deal about it. I never did like her. And now we see where the kids attitude comes from! There were 2 kids in the room when I talked to her, no adults, and I spoke to her quietly away from where they were watching a movie. How is that a big public spectacle? Is it possible other parents knew because their kids came home and told them what her son said in front of 20 other kids? I mean seriously now.

[MonarchMom]

Whether the child intentionally meant this as a racial comment does not matter. At 6 a child is old enough to be be taught that saying "own you" is wrong, rude, and can be heard as a cruel racial comment. It is an opportunity for the parents to teach the child that some comments are not acceptable, just as some curse words, slurs and insults are not acceptable.

[Anonymous 4]

I would tell my child, "We don't own anyone. We have employees that work for us." And then I'd have a talk with him about why something like what he said would be offensive.

[Anonymous 5]

This came up yesterday in a group I’m in.

Nanny is black. Child is a white 6 year old boy.

Child wanted ice cream. Nanny said no. Child said “my mom and dad own you, if you don’t do what I want they will fire you”

Nanny becomes offended, says it feels like she lives on a plantation and she said she had some choice words with the kid. She doesn’t tell us what she said only that the nanny poppins in the group would probably find what she said to be wrong.

She said she also told the parents what the kid said and they said they would address it.

One comment from a white nanny said that she has had the same thing happen to her. I, too, have had that said to me and I asked 2 other friends who happen to be white nannies and they’ve said they have had kids say the same to them.

The op in the post acknowledged that had it been a black child that said it to her she would not have gotten her feelings hurt.

So how would you handle the situation if you were the parent?

For me, I’d def have a convo with my bratty child and there would be punishments for what he said but if the nanny is turning something into a racial argument that I feel isn’t a racial argument I’d fire her.

Wow, I do understand how the nanny would be upset. I think it would be impossible to know the motive of the child -- has he has heard insensitive racial comments OR just conversations, of we "pay for the Nanny to work with our family" and he extrapolated the rest? Hard to know.

I have a current 6yo, and she is old enough to have a conversation about history of slavery and how such a comment is going to really be extremely hurtful to someone who had ancestors who were subjected to such mistreatment.

As far as how the nanny handled it, I do not think it is right to fire anyone for how they perceived a comment. My one question: do I trust a nanny who possibly lost her temper, for any reason, with a 6 year old? Maybe he just got a good word lashing, Idk, I'd have to know specifics.