What would you do if this was your child and nanny?

[Baconqueen13]

Punish your F***ing child and apologize to the nanny. Regardless of whether kid meant the comment in a racial way or not the CHILD was the one out of line not the nanny even if the nanny turned it into a "race thing" because at one point in time not so long ago it WAS a F***ing race thing and despite what some people think Racism is STILL a thing today.

[Deleted User 670]

This came up yesterday in a group I’m in.

Nanny is black. Child is a white 6 year old boy.

Child wanted ice cream. Nanny said no. Child said “my mom and dad own you, if you don’t do what I want they will fire you”

Nanny becomes offended, says it feels like she lives on a plantation and she said she had some choice words with the kid. She doesn’t tell us what she said only that the nanny poppins in the group would probably find what she said to be wrong.

She said she also told the parents what the kid said and they said they would address it.

One comment from a white nanny said that she has had the same thing happen to her. I, too, have had that said to me and I asked 2 other friends who happen to be white nannies and they’ve said they have had kids say the same to them.

The op in the post acknowledged that had it been a black child that said it to her she would not have gotten her feelings hurt.

So how would you handle the situation if you were the parent?

For me, I’d def have a convo with my bratty child and there would be punishments for what he said but if the nanny is turning something into a racial argument that I feel isn’t a racial argument I’d fire her.

I would have reprimanded the child and demand that the child apologize to his nanny. I would profusely apologize for my child being such a horrible little shit head to her. I am not a spanker. But I would be sorely tempted to paddle his bottom for that and he'd not be getting any ice cream for the foreseeable future, even if there is ice cream in the fridge.

[agander2017]

The child is 6. I seriously doubt he had any intentions on making it a racial thing. He knows they pay her. So he thinks she has to do whatever he wants. If it was my kid, I would have a talk with him about that behavior, and how it's not okay to treat anyone like that. He would be punished, and he would have to write her a letter saying he was sorry for what he said.

Now, I would want to know what the nanny said to my kid, because if she couldn't post it on the internet, then it must have been pretty bad. I, as the employer, would sit down with her as well and have a talk about that. Never should an adult have "Choice words" with a 6 year old, especially if it's not their kid. Wait until the parents get home, and discuss it with them.

[xsxpxixdxexrxsx]

I'd be having a serious chat about this with my child, I would be so disappointed and embarrassed if any of my children ever said anything like that. They'd be apologizing to her for sure.

[PoplarGrove]

A casual babysitter is different than a nanny. The nanny is taking care of the child on a far more regular basis, and is also responsible for taking children outside of your home. Children do have plenty of legitimate gripes about nannies, and although they don’t necessarily rise to the parent’s threshold for disciplinary action I get why the kids are annoyed. For some examples:

Child always arrives 10 minutes late to activities and nanny always “forgets” to dress child properly and bring appropriate sports equipment.

Nanny never includes child’s favorite outfit in children’s laundry.

Although family has gotten family plus nanny memberships at multiple local attractions, nanny never brings child to any of them.

This one is completely on point - mom instructs nanny to always allow child to choose an ice cream at a particular park unless child misbehaves. Nanny regularly doesn’t buy ice cream for child at the park no matter how well the child behaves.

These are all real life discussions I have had with friends.

In this case no where did it say nanny was instructed to ALWAYS allow the child to choose an ice cream. So no it is NOT even close to the same. Did you even read the screenshots on page 3? The kid said "you have to do whatever i say because my parents own you" 6 years old or not he should know better than to disrespect an adult like that.

have your children never disrespected an adult, including you? My children are generally very good kids, but they certainly aren’t perfect and they’ve even *GASP* disrespected me.

I think what people have a problem with it the child saying "my parents own you". That kid didn't get that idea out of thin air. Does the child think that their parents own the cashier at the grocery store, the plumber and anyone else they pay for services? I doubt it. The parents or someone this kid knows has made this child have the idea that his parents "own" the nanny. He didn't say "I'm going to tell my parents to fire you" he said "my parents own you". The child could only have a poor word choice like that if he believed this nanny was owned and that thought had to come from somewhere. If I was that child's parent I'd want to crawl in a whole after knowing my kid said that and I'd be making damn sure my kid wouldn't be saying anything like that again.

[Deleted User 1074]

Kids say insensitive things all of the time, (mommy why is that man so fat?) its our job to stay level headed, calm and correct their behavior w/o taking things personally. it could have been a learning opportunity for the child by simply explaining that people cant be owned and to say that to someone is not kind. most kids that age would accept that answer and move on.

The fact she said she wouldn't be offended if it were a black child tells me SHE is racist. I would fire her because I wouldn't trust a nanny who would view my child differently based on his/her race.

[Deleted User 1074]

In this case no where did it say nanny was instructed to ALWAYS allow the child to choose an ice cream. So no it is NOT even close to the same. Did you even read the screenshots on page 3? The kid said "you have to do whatever i say because my parents own you" 6 years old or not he should know better than to disrespect an adult like that.

have your children never disrespected an adult, including you? My children are generally very good kids, but they certainly aren’t perfect and they’ve even *GASP* disrespected me.

I think what people have a problem with it the child saying "my parents own you". That kid didn't get that idea out of thin air. Does the child think that their parents own the cashier at the grocery store, the plumber and anyone else they pay for services? I doubt it. The parents or someone this kid knows has made this child have the idea that his parents "own" the nanny. He didn't say "I'm going to tell my parents to fire you" he said "my parents own you". The child could only have a poor word choice like that if he believed this nanny was owned and that thought had to come from somewhere. If I was that child's parent I'd want to crawl in a whole after knowing my kid said that and I'd be making damn sure my kid wouldn't be saying anything like that again.

if you think about it from a very innocent unbiased perspective it is a logical assumption. confusing paying for an object ( owning it) vs. paying for a service is a reasonable misunderstanding for a young child.

[Traci_Momof2]

To me, race has nothing to do with this situation.

If I were the parent I would be having a very serious talk with my kids about how inappropriate a comment like that is. I'd be telling them if they said something disrespectful like that again there would be serious consequences.

If I were the nanny I'd tell the parents what the kid said and if the parents said they would address it I'd be satisfied with that. If the kid said it again then I would have to get more serious with the parents and say "This is really disrespectful and if your kid won't stop saying it then I'm going to have to quit." and then I'd basically leave it in the hands of the parents at that point, but hold up my end that if the kid didn't stop, I'd quit.