Would you say anything?

[Anonymous 1]

Yes we talk a lot about everything. I had suggested that she tell her friend last month how she feels because she was so upset with her friend. It helped for a minute and it seemed her friend was really sorry but she is at it again and DD is tired of dealing with her. I asked DD if she could move lunch tables but they aren't allowed (at lunch is where the most bullying is taking place with DD's friend). Also DD's friend's mom called the school at the beginning of the year requesting that her DD sit by my DD (a whole other story as to why) but yeah, this mom is really nice and she really wants our girls to be friends but I don't want to force my DD to do anything she doesn't want to do.

While I agree that at 12 she could be able to handle this, but she may need some coaching or maybe just mom's ear to help her sort it out.

[Anonymous 1]

I'm sorry you guys are dealing with something similar as well. Over 2 yrs ago when they first became friends, my DD thought her friend was just joking when she would put my DD down and stuff. She was at our house and her friend was saying that my DD is the worst nail painter ever and laughing. She just had insult after insult. I finally stepped in and said something small and then I talked to my DD about it the next day and asked her how she feels when her friend says rude things and my DD said I think she is joking and I said I don't think she is joking and I don't like how she insults you. So after awhile, my DD started to tell her friend that if you aren't nice to me then we can't be friends. That would make things better for a little bit but then she would be rude again. But now that she is being extremely rude and even pushed and hit one of DD's friends yesterday at lunch, she is just so done with her right now.

I'm sorry. My dd is 10 and one of her classmates is full of drama and mean spirited like that. Luckily they were never friends outside of school so I don't have to deal with it much but they used to be friendly with each other so I'm having to try and teach my daughter to navigate these sorts of situations, which means hearing a lot of it. DD is too forgiving and wants to give this kid chance after chance.

My DD tried this approach recently (talking with her friend) and that caused her friend to try to get everyone against my DD and was lying and saying my DD said all of these things to her friend and "oh she said she hates me" and my DD did not say that. She was trying to get everyone to feel sorry for her and also get everyone against my DD. So my DD pulled away from her and then her friend asked if she was okay and my DD said actually no I'm not and she told her some other things that bothered her as well. Her friend said sorry but she is not acting sorry and continues to bully my DD's friend and try to steal my DD's other friends as well.

I'm not sure. Honestly at 12 I would hope my daughter could tell her friend "I don't want to hang out with you because you've been acting like a jerk". It might sink in better than her getting it through the grapevine (your dd, you, her mom, and then finally her).

I would probably still speak with the mom just to be sure she knew what was going on, especially since she seems genuinely interested in her daughter's behaviour (from what little you've said about her here).

[Anonymous 4]

Yes we talk a lot about everything. I had suggested that she tell her friend last month how she feels because she was so upset with her friend. It helped for a minute and it seemed her friend was really sorry but she is at it again and DD is tired of dealing with her. I asked DD if she could move lunch tables but they aren't allowed (at lunch is where the most bullying is taking place with DD's friend). Also DD's friend's mom called the school at the beginning of the year requesting that her DD sit by my DD (a whole other story as to why) but yeah, this mom is really nice and she really wants our girls to be friends but I don't want to force my DD to do anything she doesn't want to do.

While I agree that at 12 she could be able to handle this, but she may need some coaching or maybe just mom's ear to help her sort it out.

Call the school and explain whats going on to the guidance counselor and ask them for help with navigating this situation. The bullying needs to stop and the bully needs to be held accountable. Do you know the parents of the child thats being bullied. If you do or can find out their info, they need to know whats going on as well.

[Linda_Runs]

Yes we talk a lot about everything. I had suggested that she tell her friend last month how she feels because she was so upset with her friend. It helped for a minute and it seemed her friend was really sorry but she is at it again and DD is tired of dealing with her. I asked DD if she could move lunch tables but they aren't allowed (at lunch is where the most bullying is taking place with DD's friend). Also DD's friend's mom called the school at the beginning of the year requesting that her DD sit by my DD (a whole other story as to why) but yeah, this mom is really nice and she really wants our girls to be friends but I don't want to force my DD to do anything she doesn't want to do.

While I agree that at 12 she could be able to handle this, but she may need some coaching or maybe just mom's ear to help her sort it out.

The only suggestion that I could have is for you to call the school about the bullying and let them know that your DD wants to move lunch tables because it is bothering her. I think separating them is the only real answer here in my opinion.

[Anonymous 1]

Do I just come up with an excuse to cancel the plans we have with them this weekend and then continue to not be available when the mom asks to make plans? If it wasn't for liking this mom and doing things with our kids and her being open with me about some things with her DD and other things, I don't think I would want to possibly talk to her about any of this.

Yes we talk a lot about everything. I had suggested that she tell her friend last month how she feels because she was so upset with her friend. It helped for a minute and it seemed her friend was really sorry but she is at it again and DD is tired of dealing with her. I asked DD if she could move lunch tables but they aren't allowed (at lunch is where the most bullying is taking place with DD's friend). Also DD's friend's mom called the school at the beginning of the year requesting that her DD sit by my DD (a whole other story as to why) but yeah, this mom is really nice and she really wants our girls to be friends but I don't want to force my DD to do anything she doesn't want to do.

While I agree that at 12 she could be able to handle this, but she may need some coaching or maybe just mom's ear to help her sort it out.

The only suggestion that I could have is for you to call the school about the bullying and let them know that your DD wants to move lunch tables because it is bothering her. I think separating them is the only real answer here in my opinion.

[Linda_Runs]

Do I just come up with an excuse to cancel the plans we have with them this weekend and then continue to not be available when the mom asks to make plans? If it wasn't for liking this mom and doing things with our kids and her being open with me about some things with her DD and other things, I don't think I would want to possibly talk to her about any of this.

Yes we talk a lot about everything. I had suggested that she tell her friend last month how she feels because she was so upset with her friend. It helped for a minute and it seemed her friend was really sorry but she is at it again and DD is tired of dealing with her. I asked DD if she could move lunch tables but they aren't allowed (at lunch is where the most bullying is taking place with DD's friend). Also DD's friend's mom called the school at the beginning of the year requesting that her DD sit by my DD (a whole other story as to why) but yeah, this mom is really nice and she really wants our girls to be friends but I don't want to force my DD to do anything she doesn't want to do.

The only suggestion that I could have is for you to call the school about the bullying and let them know that your DD wants to move lunch tables because it is bothering her. I think separating them is the only real answer here in my opinion.

I personally would come up with an excuse, and have done so before with our own DD when she was younger. Some will say that this is teaching our children to lie, but at this age they know that sometimes a little white lie is better than hurting someone else's feelings.

[Traci_Momof2]

It sounds like the child does have issues and I'm guessing mom knows it and is trying to help her, hence why the mom keeps asking if she behaved herself. Because of that I feel like the mom would appreciate knowing about the problems that her DD is causing. I mean, parents can't teach their kids that something is wrong if they don't know their kid is doing it.

If I were you I would try to have a gentle conversation with the mom. Show concern for her DD as well, that her DD is going to lose all her friends if she keeps up this behavior. That way the mom doesn't feel attacked like she has the "bad kid". But at the same time let her know that your DD is not comfortable remaining friends with a girl who will just do mean things behind her back.

In the meantime, make sure your own DD knows that she has no obligation to remain friends with someone who is mean to her and does mean things behind her back. I put up with a friend like that for far too long through jr high and high school. My friend who was supposed to be my best friend, just used me and turned people against me behind my back. And I kept forgiving her over and over again and it just further destroyed my self-esteem. I SO WISH that my mom had cared enough to take more of an interest in my friendships and the troubles that I had, but she didn't, so I felt very alone in dealing with it all. So above all make sure you are there to listen to her and give helpful advice and make sure she doesn't just get trampled on by this 'friend'.

[Valentina327]

No. She needs to learn how to handle these type of situations and this presents a good opportunity to do so.
Definitely coach her, but don't do it for her.

[Traci_Momof2]

At 12 she should be able to handle this herself.

Good God! You obviously haven't been a child with a difficult friendship left all alone to handle it yourself.

Yes they need to learn, but they are still kids and can't be expected to handle complicated relationships like an adult.

But keep maintaining that Anon 2 reputation.

[Anonymous 2]

At 12 she should be able to handle this herself.

Good God! You obviously haven't been a child with a difficult friendship left all alone to handle it yourself.

Yes they need to learn, but they are still kids and can't be expected to handle complicated relationships like an adult.

But keep maintaining that Anon 2 reputation.

You are wrong. I had many difficult friendships from middle school to adulthood. I handled it on my own. I didn't say anything rude.