Divorce

Anonymous 1

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DH and I have decided that we're going to get a divorce. It takes about 6 months or so for the process to be complete (fastest time scenario anyway), so he wants to get on it ASAP. We're trying to avoid attorneys and such to minimize the cost. It's going to be a "friendly" divorce. We don't own a house, I just said I want my stuff, he gets his. I only have a SS, so no custody issues involved. For some reason DH kept bringing up my school loans he paid off years ago (probably less than $10k), so I told him if he shut up about that I wouldn't worry about alimony since he probably can't afford that anyway.

Does anyone know if it's better to be the petitioner or the respondent for one reason or another? DH says he doesn't care which he is, but I'm wondering if legally for any reason it's better to be one or the other. State is CA, if that matters.

Is this non-attorney thing to save "thousands" in their fees a bad idea? I haven't had time to do much research because of work and such, but thought others might be able to share any info and insight. Thanks.
Anonymous 2

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Why would you think you would get alimony? If you and him are in the same financial position or close to it you will not get it. If he makes substantially more than you and you require assistance from him to survive (and he can afford it) you would get it. It is not a given to receive alimony.
Anonymous 1

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Anonymous 2 wrote: Wed Jan 08, 2020 12:59 pm Why would you think you would get alimony? If you and him are in the same financial position or close to it you will not get it. If he makes substantially more than you and you require assistance from him to survive (and he can afford it) you would get it. It is not a given to receive alimony.
He brought up alimony, not me. And I've only been working 6 months or so after being a SAHP for 10 years or so to school his son. ..I wasn't really expecting it anyway. It's expensive here. Neither of us really knows how we're going to survive financially independently at this point.
Deleted User 670

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He wants to be reimbursed for HIS student loans that have already been paid off? He sounds like a real snake. For your sake, you need to consult an attorney. Most attorneys will do an initial consult for a nominal fee. Go and take notes. Find out what paperwork you need to gather in the way of marital assets, etc. and what paperwork you need to file. If you do most of the legwork and filing, you can save money. But you really need to have legal counsel.
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sarah824
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I divorced my ex-husband in CA 18 years ago and we didn't use attorneys at all. It was an uncontested divorce with no kids or marital assets. No one was getting alimony or any of that. I filed all of the paperwork, he signed it and then a judge finalized it a few months later. It was fairly simple and inexpensive. I had to go to the courthouse to get all of the paperwork, but my guess is you can find it all online now.

**I wanted to add - When I did this they had someone at the courthouse that helped me fill out some of the paperwork and that did not cost any money. That is what they are there for. If you had DH are amicable I would think you could go in together and they would help walk you through the system.
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He paid off her loans..not his.
I would consult an attorney to make sure everything is done correctly and to make sure all of the things are covered so I agree on the attorney.

pinkbutterfly66 wrote: Wed Jan 08, 2020 1:12 pm He wants to be reimbursed for HIS student loans that have already been paid off? He sounds like a real snake. For your sake, you need to consult an attorney. Most attorneys will do an initial consult for a nominal fee. Go and take notes. Find out what paperwork you need to gather in the way of marital assets, etc. and what paperwork you need to file. If you do most of the legwork and filing, you can save money. But you really need to have legal counsel.
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bluebunnybabe
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It shouldn’t matter who the petitioner is. You wouldn’t qualify for alimony here. Even when people do, it’s almost nothing.
The next time he brings up the student loan payments he paid, I would just calmly explain that it was only fair for him to have paid them since you were taking care of his child.
It is better if you guys can just work things out without a lawyer and be done with it. It doesn’t sound like you guys need to be throwing money at lawyers for something you should be able to do yourselves.
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Anonymous 3

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A friendly divorce. Lmfao
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sarah824
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Anonymous 3 wrote: Wed Jan 08, 2020 1:49 pm A friendly divorce. Lmfao
It is not unheard of. Once I decided that I was leaving my ex the divorce was pretty simple and there was no fighting or negativity about it. We both just moved on....
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Anonymous 3 wrote: Wed Jan 08, 2020 1:49 pm A friendly divorce. Lmfao
Why is that laughable? I've seen it happen in real life more than once. Not everyone is out for some kind of revenge.
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