It's soooo boring!!

[Traci_Momof2]

Your DH sounds like he handles it more like I do. I just grin and make the best of it and remind myself it's just one night or just one day and then I can go back home and move on. But I have a lot of patience and tolerance for that sort of thing.

Good luck to you. I hope it's as bearable as it can be.

Yeah we only see them twice a year or so but I dread it. I think my DH gets bothered by some things, but then when he gets home, he just goes and does one of his many projects. He knows his family sucks on many levels. They don't suck as much as mine does but we don't see mine anymore.

I am already dreading Thanksgiving with my DH's family. All they talk about is politics and throw in some religion and anti vac stuff and some inappropriate comments about gays and try to convince us that we have to agree with what they are saying! So really, it's not just boring, it's actually very frustrating! No one seems to know anything else to talk about!!! I try to bring up my kids and tell them what they are into and stuff, but then that subject is quickly turned away and back to politics, etc. Any suggestions to get through this?

That's part of why DH and I moved away from his family. When we get together with them it's the same concept, just different specific topics. But we were always the bored ones while the rest of them talked about the same old things. When we first arrived MIL would want to catch up on the kids but then once that was done then it's just kind of like twiddling thumbs. DH and I were often the ones sitting in a different room ourselves while the rest of them chatted away.

Now that we live far away we only get together with them as a whole family once a year. It's not so boring anymore because we arent doing it every month anymore. So that's our solution. But before we moved DH's solution was alcohol. He wouldn't get drunk because that's not his thing but he would get just buzzed enough that it didn't annoy him. And I don't drink at all so I was always the driver.

[Deleted User 1393]

I quit going to family functions. This is just one of the reasons.

[Anonymous 2]

Put a sign on the door "It's a holiday, no politics beyond this point". We had to do it one year & everytime someone brought up politics, they were reminded it's a holiday & no politics until tomorrow. Suprisingly, after multiple warnings, the political talk finally stopped.

[LiveWhatULove]

I dread the holiday conversations as well. I just really struggle to connect with my parents or in-laws. We just have so little common ground to discuss.

Every year, DH & I make pacts on the way home, that we are going to try to stay interesting and connected to our kids, so we don't put them through the same holiday stress!

[Pjmm]

Some of my family agrees on some of the politics but that doesn't mean I want to talk about it every time I see them. I just don't want to talk about how much they hate Trump..I don't want to talk about him at all! It's so draining! But because some family members know that I don't like him either, they will bring it up and talk and talk and talk about it. My MIL even said last Christmas that she is so glad that I don't like him because that would be hard for her or something like that. I said well, if I did, we just wouldn't ever talk about it. I mean how hard is it to just not bring things up?? Apparently harder for some.

I'd probably say "Look let's agree to disagree I really don't want to start a fight. I'm more interested in hearing what your kids did/ your job/ your health/ hobbies. If that doesn't work I'd develop a migraine or stomach problems and quit the room or go home. We can discuss politics my mother and me but we know when to quit. I just can't keep silent so unless I say something there will be a fight.

Maybe you can suggest she start a new tradition that anyone that mentions Trump, the impeachment, gay rights, or even so much as brings up Cheetos is stuck with kitchen duty. Or you can threaten to secretly replace the turkey with a tofurkey if they don't shut up. Or... and this is really radical but one year my son told some inappropriate joke to his cousin at the table. Idr what it was now but my brother's proper mil heard it. I wanted to die. However this could be a very effective threat.

[MonarchMom]

Love this - like a "swear jar" where you deposit money for profanity, but based on off-limit topics. But it only works if all parties WANT to have a peaceful meal. If someone enjoys forcing their opinions on others than that is what they will do. Especially if it is at their home.

Thanksgiving is a designated no politics, no religion, no conflict day in our family. The holiday is about coming together for peace and hospitality so that is what we do.

I'm glad you speak up in front of you kids, but I do hope it is more specific than "love is love" That sounds like a slogan, as opposed to the actual denial of rights and freedoms that they are hearing in the conversation. I generally state my position clearly and calmly, as in "all citizens should have the same rights to work, marry and have legal protections under the law" or "climate change is real and effecting the health and economy of Americans right now." No arguing, just my position.

[Anonymous 1]

Usually "love is love" does not shut them up so yeah, I say more. I say everyone deserves love, they were born this way, things like that. I try NOT to discuss it further so I usually have short sentences. Me and my kids usually discuss this further after those people are not around.

Love this - like a "swear jar" where you deposit money for profanity, but based on off-limit topics. But it only works if all parties WANT to have a peaceful meal. If someone enjoys forcing their opinions on others than that is what they will do. Especially if it is at their home.

Thanksgiving is a designated no politics, no religion, no conflict day in our family. The holiday is about coming together for peace and hospitality so that is what we do.

I'm glad you speak up in front of you kids, but I do hope it is more specific than "love is love" That sounds like a slogan, as opposed to the actual denial of rights and freedoms that they are hearing in the conversation. I generally state my position clearly and calmly, as in "all citizens should have the same rights to work, marry and have legal protections under the law" or "climate change is real and effecting the health and economy of Americans right now." No arguing, just my position.

[Anonymous 1]

Yes! That's what me and DH do all the time. We do the opposite of how we were raised. We always talk to our kids about lots of things and they talk to us about everything and I hope that always continues. We don't have a lot in common with other family members except some of them don't like trump and we don't either. They don't really know our kids either and I try to talk about what the kids are into but that conversation doesn't last long..they just aren't that interested. It's hard to be around people that don't really want to know us on a deeper level...but if they don't really want to know their own son on a deeper level, they of course don't want to know me or our kids on a deeper level either.

I dread the holiday conversations as well. I just really struggle to connect with my parents or in-laws. We just have so little common ground to discuss.

Every year, DH & I make pacts on the way home, that we are going to try to stay interesting and connected to our kids, so we don't put them through the same holiday stress!

[Anonymous 1]

I like that! unfortunately i don't think in laws would want me to put that on their door but I could totally do that on my door if i was hosting! lol!

Put a sign on the door "It's a holiday, no politics beyond this point". We had to do it one year & everytime someone brought up politics, they were reminded it's a holiday & no politics until tomorrow. Suprisingly, after multiple warnings, the political talk finally stopped.

[Anonymous 1]

I'm almost there...i see people about once or twice a year and that still feels like too much.

I quit going to family functions. This is just one of the reasons.