My mom is saying I'm horrible for missing what might be her last Thanksgiving

Traci_Momof2
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I don't buy into the emotionalism of "last time". When someone dies, I'm going to remember all my moments with them. One isn't more special just because it was the last one.

DHs grandma lived to be 105. Sweetest lady I've ever met in my whole life. But when she hit 90 her health started going downhill. By 95 we really thought the end was near. If you told us then she would live another 10 years we would never have believed you. We lived far away so we went to visit her about once a year. Every year for the last 10 years of her life DH was an emotional wreck when we left. He was thinking every time that it would be the last time. But after 10 years of going through that I got jaded and I don't even remember what the real last time was like because we went through 10 years of them. So I just remember ALL the sweet memories of her from the 20 years that I got to know her.
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I hate it when parents use guilt-tripping. My MIL was famous for that. It fucked up both of her kids.
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And what does she say when you tell her how it makes you feel when she attempts to make you feel guilty?
Remind her that we all die and there is an equal chance of this being your last phone call cause one of you might die before another call is made.
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carterscutie85
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What about flying her to you? It would be cheaper. She probably misses cooking for her kids. You could let her cook.
Anonymous 2

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carterscutie85 wrote: Sat Nov 09, 2019 3:53 pm What about flying her to you? It would be cheaper. She probably misses cooking for her kids. You could let her cook.
Why would she miss that when they come over to visit every Christmas? Why would they do that when they wouldn't be able to celebrate with her. They still have work and end of school activities
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From one expat to another, I'm sorry. Don't let her manipulate you into feeling guilty.
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Vegaswife2011
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You don’t really sound like you care very much.
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Is she depressed? My grandma has been saying that for 30 years ever since my grandpa died. That is until she moved into a senior living place 3 years ago. Shes so happy there shes so much more active and social and she hasn't said this may be the last time since.
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Inmybizz
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The last time someone said that to me it was their last Thanksgiving/ family gathering. I can’t say if your mom is exaggerating or perhaps she may know more about her health than you.

Do whatever you think is best.
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Anonymous 3 wrote: Sat Nov 09, 2019 10:03 am
Anonymous 1 wrote: Sat Nov 09, 2019 9:42 am My mom has some mild health issues. Nothing crazy but she likes to use it as an excuse to guilt trip me.

My husband, kids, and I moved from the US over 10 years ago. Going back for Thanksgiving has never been a viable option because it is expensive and the kids have school. We do visit every year for Christmas.

My mom always bitches about us not going for Thanksgiving. Now she is using the "it might be my last one" excuse.

It is getting so annoying and making me not want to even want to go see her at all. She says I'm selfish but really she is the one being selfish.
Tell her thats sad but since she' a manipulative bitch, you won't be coming for Christmas this year either
Is this how you speak to your own mother? Did noone teach you how to communicate without being rude? The polite way to describe her mother's behavior is guilt tripping.. Even just saying manipulative is acceptable. Calling her mother a bitch just isn't necessary. Unless you are a troll with no manners.
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