I don’t think we can do it. I’m not even sure I want to do it. Really Super Long!

Anonymous 1

Unread post

My brother’s ex girlfriend and my stepsister are both pregnant. My brother’s gf is almost 7 months along and my stepsister is 5 months. There’s a good chance that neither of them will be able to keep their babies. They both have asked dh and I to take them. We already have 3 kids. My youngest is 6. She’s special needs. Some days I feel like my plate is too full.

My mom originally offered to take my brother’s baby and everyone was okay with that but my mom was just diagnosed with CML (a type of leukemia) and she’ll be starting treatments soon. There’s no way she can take on a baby. My brother’s ex girlfriend’s first son was taken away two years ago for pretty severe abuse. She had supervised visits with family members but never went and gradually stopped paying child support. Now her visits are at the dhs office with a worker. She tried to hide her pregnancy but she’s showing now. At her last visit the worker pulled her aside and had a talk about cps opening a case as soon as the baby is born and be prepared not to even bring the baby home. It doesn’t help that she’s homeless and refuses to work. My brother has an apartment and a job but doesn’t want kids. He is in no shape to raise a child. He has mental health issues that seem to be getting worse as he gets older.

My stepsister had her first son taken away twice. Once for abuse and once for neglect. The abuse was from my stepsister’s boyfriend. Her son’s father. When they broke up she got her son back but she started leaving him home alone at night so she could go drink and smoke weed. Her rights were eventually terminated. She married a level 3 S*x offender that is a child molester. He can’t even see his own kids. He got out of prison (for the 2nd time) about 8 months ago so he has a parole officer. His parole officer told my stepsister that if she’s keeping the baby then her husband has to move out and it would look good if they divorce. His charges are scary. She likes her life and doesn’t want to leave her husband so she also asked us if we would be willing to take her baby so it stays in the family.

I opened my own business 6 months ago and dh works 12 hour shifts 6 days a week so we really don’t have a lot of free time. Our youngest has therapies and dr. appointments a few times a week since her diagnosis is fairly recent. I just don’t know how we could make this work. I feel really bad. I just don’t know what to do. Dh and I have been going over and over this but talking it out isn’t helping. My stepsister has other family that might be willing to take a baby but my brother has no other family. His ex doesn’t either. Can I take one baby and not the other? That doesn’t seem right. I don’t know what I’m looking for. I just needed to write it all out. Advice would be nice, personal experience, your opinion...I’m just at a loss right now.
User avatar
carterscutie85
Princess
Princess
Posts: 11954
Joined: Mon May 21, 2018 10:19 am

Unread post

You take on what you can handle and if that means just one baby so be it. The other baby does have other family to take it, your biological niece/nephew does not. I would exhaust all options for the other baby if I felt I could not handle 2 babies, but I'd take my niece/nephew in a heartbeat since she or he has no other family to take it. If I had to, I'd take both so one doesn't end up in foster care, but it wouldn't be my first choice. Babies are a lot of work and I would not want 2 of them on top of my SN child and therapies every week. It will be hard enough with just one. Plus, you don't know about these babies. They could be colicky, they could be SN, or they could be the best babies in the whole wide world. You just never know and you need to factor that in to your decision on what you will do.
Pjmm
Donated
Donated
Princess
Princess
Posts: 18971
Joined: Mon May 21, 2018 6:31 am

Unread post

I honestly would seek counseling to decide this or talk to someone in the foster care system. I'd ask anywhere but here. It's too big of a decision. All I'll say is don't feel forced to do anything you don't want to
User avatar
madfoodie
Sparkles the Elf
Regent
Regent
Posts: 4323
Joined: Mon May 21, 2018 12:55 pm
Location: Lollipops and gum drops

Unread post

Her family isn't willing to take her baby?
i want candy!
Traci_Momof2
Princess
Princess
Posts: 11091
Joined: Tue May 22, 2018 12:32 am
Location: Southwest USA

Unread post

Just so we're clear, the stepsister is your husband's sister? Not your brother's wife?

Either way, you take on what you can handle. If that is zero babies, then so be it. If that is one baby, then you and your DH need to agree on which baby needs you guys more. If that is two babies, then yay for you guys. But you have to be real with yourselves. Overtaxing yourselves by taking on other people's problems is not going to be good for anyone, including those babies.
Anonymous 1

Unread post

madfoodie wrote: Fri Jul 19, 2019 8:00 pm Her family isn't willing to take her baby?
No one in her family knows other than her father. (Her father is married to my mother)
Everyone was really disappointed in her choice of husband and has pretty much cut her off. Her father thinks that if she explains things that her real sister might be willing to take in a baby or at least consider it but right now she’s not telling anyone else.
Anonymous 1

Unread post

Traci_Momof2 wrote: Fri Jul 19, 2019 8:03 pm Just so we're clear, the stepsister is your husband's sister? Not your brother's wife?

Either way, you take on what you can handle. If that is zero babies, then so be it. If that is one baby, then you and your DH need to agree on which baby needs you guys more. If that is two babies, then yay for you guys. But you have to be real with yourselves. Overtaxing yourselves by taking on other people's problems is not going to be good for anyone, including those babies.
Stepsister is my mother’s husband’s daughter.
User avatar
madfoodie
Sparkles the Elf
Regent
Regent
Posts: 4323
Joined: Mon May 21, 2018 12:55 pm
Location: Lollipops and gum drops

Unread post

Anonymous 1 wrote: Fri Jul 19, 2019 8:05 pm
madfoodie wrote: Fri Jul 19, 2019 8:00 pm Her family isn't willing to take her baby?
No one in her family knows other than her father. (Her father is married to my mother)
Everyone was really disappointed in her choice of husband and has pretty much cut her off. Her father thinks that if she explains things that her real sister might be willing to take in a baby or at least consider it but right now she’s not telling anyone else.
She really needs to think her options through. I've been down this path. My sisters kids were taken and placed temporarily with me. I have 5 kids that live here, 8 total and a few grandchildren.
My plate was full but at the time I could do it.
i want candy!
hotspice58
Regent
Regent
Posts: 3505
Joined: Thu Jun 28, 2018 10:56 am

Unread post

Do what you need to do for you and your family. As a former fost/adoptive mother, I love it when bio family members want to stay in touch with my kids. FYI: babies are considered easier to adopt so don’t be surprised if the babies are adopted fast if they go into foster care,
Anonymous 2

Unread post

I would take both and make it work. The foster care system is broken and there is no way a baby would go into that system if I could stop it.
But you can only do as much as you comfortable with.
Locked Previous topicNext topic