I don’t think we can do it. I’m not even sure I want to do it. Really Super Long!

[Inmybizz]

Take on what you can handle. If it's just one baby that's okay.

[Valentina327]

Don't feel obligated to take either. You have enough going on with your own life and children. Taking on more than you can handle isn't going to be good for anyone. Plus, if your mom is starting chemo, I can guarantee you'll be pitching in helping her out too.

Good luck and I hope the babies go to good homes.

[mojogirl]

I wouldn't touch any of that with a 100 foot pole.

[Anonymous 3]

Don't feel obligated to take even 1 baby. It sounds like you already have your hands full.

I hope the babies are adopted out so that they can have the happy/stable life that they deserve.

Good luck.

[Anonymous 4]

You’re not obligated to take anyone’s baby. It would be nice for both to stay in the family, but it’s not your responsibility to ensure that happens.

It’s ok to take neither or just one if that’s all you can handle.

[caustib]

I wouldn't touch any of that with a 100 foot pole.

This. These people will suck the life out of you if you have this level of involvement with them. I'd let the babies go to foster care and hopefully they can stay away from their biological parents as long as possible.

[QuantumNursing]

I would take both and make it work. The foster care system is broken and there is no way a baby would go into that system if I could stop it.
But you can only do as much as you comfortable with.

Both of those children would be adopted so fast it's ridiculous

[mcginnisc]

The babies would be adopted quickly if it was a domestic adoption situation.
In foster care, they would be placed in a home and then there is a ton of red tape that must be gotten through in terms of TPR being signed in order for the child to be released for adoption. This can take months up to years so with foster care it is a huge unknown.. We have family friends who fostered two girls ( siblings) from infancy until teen because the mother refused to sign TPR for them to be released. They are both adults ( in their 30's) with families now and they call my inlaws' friends Mom and Dad and have very limited contact with their biological mother.
OP- You have to think about this very carefully. You said yourself that you are stretched thin already with working, having a SN child, etc.. adding 1 or 2 more infants ( basically twinning, which is what this is called in the adoption world when you bring home unrelated infants almost the same age) within months is going to add a lot more stress. I think you also need to think about if either baby is born addicted since you know one mother is an addict. That is going to add a multitude of stress as well due to the infant having to go through withdrawal most likely. Can you watch this infant suffer like this and add that to your daily life? Another layer to add- family. This would be adding not one, but two family adoptions into your life. Could you navigate this with your children, your brother, the ex girlfriend, your step sister, that father, your step father, and your mother's leukemia diagnosis? It is a lot of stress to add a family adoption and you are contemplating 2 family adoptions at once. Adoption is a hard journey. It is for lifetime and one that you have to be very open with your children about- bio and adopted. Throw in these dynamics and it is something you will want to think about very carefully. I hope you are able to come to a resolution.

I would take both and make it work. The foster care system is broken and there is no way a baby would go into that system if I could stop it.
But you can only do as much as you comfortable with.

Both of those children would be adopted so fast it's ridiculous

[Deleted User 670]

That's a lot to take on. One thing to consider is your brother's mental illness which may be passed on to the baby. Just because these women are family, doesn't mean you have to shoulder the burden. You can say no.

[Anonymous 3]

Keep this in mind:

For each baby that you adopt, add at least a PLUS 3 to that number.

Between the other parent and grandparents, that's how many people you will actually be taking on.

It's admirable that you are considering this. But like another poster said, you really need to think about how this will change your life and the life of your DH and kids. Yes, it would be a saintly thing to do. But I don't know that I could do it. In fact, I'm sure I couldn't.

Good luck to you. Whatever you decide to do, it will be the right thing for you, your family, and these babies.