Im not a selfish person *confession time

Anonymous 1

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Im truly not meant to be a selfish person. Im not saying this as an "Im so perfect" way. Im saying this because I finally, after so many years, decided to take everyone's advice and be a little selfish for myself. To put myself first for once. I dont know how long I can keep this up. It doesnt feel good. People lied when they said putting myself first and taking care of myself will help and make me feel better. As of right now I feel like the shittiest person in the world. It is ripping at my gut. Its almost not worth it. Just looking into someone's eyes, as they are counting on you, and you turning them down.. seeing that pain in their face because now they probably feel like they are alone in a world of hurt. This doesnt feel good to me. I thought maybe everyone was right. I mean I was miserable before, not being selfish. I have always wished that I could be like everyone else and walk away from people and to say no. It was hell having to be spread so thin. But now it feels worse............ WTF cant this be easy for me? Is it supposed to suck this bad? I cant win for losing. I can either spread myself too thin as I always do, putting others way above my own needs and hate it... Or I feel the pain of letting someone else down and worry about them the whole time I am supposed to be thinking of myself.

Im messed up somewhere.. this is messed up. I thought once I got the words out "no".. after I said that it would be easy and I would feel better after it was done. Thats not how it happened at all. I finally said no, and I looked at this persons face and a look of defeat came over them and they just left. And I only said no because I know that its the right thing to do. Not just for me but for them and their situation too. I thought long and hard about the whole thing, and this is the right thing to do. JFC! why does it suck so bad? I wish I didnt care so much. I really wish that I was a cold hearted selfish bitch. I wish I didnt feel so deeply for people. I wish I didnt feel at all.
Nopeville
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Good God, what did you say no about? Are you always this dramatic or was it actually something really big?
Anonymous 1

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Nopeville wrote: Fri Jul 12, 2019 9:52 pm Good God, what did you say no about? Are you always this dramatic or was it actually something really big?
No its actually something really big and life altering. Im not going to go into what it is because there is too much to explain and simply because I dont feel like going into it all. But its a big deal and I did what I felt was best for this person, their kids and myself.
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What exactly did you say no to?
Anonymous 2

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Anonymous 1 wrote: Fri Jul 12, 2019 9:50 pm Im truly not meant to be a selfish person. Im not saying this as an "Im so perfect" way. Im saying this because I finally, after so many years, decided to take everyone's advice and be a little selfish for myself. To put myself first for once. I dont know how long I can keep this up. It doesnt feel good. People lied when they said putting myself first and taking care of myself will help and make me feel better. As of right now I feel like the shittiest person in the world. It is ripping at my gut. Its almost not worth it. Just looking into someone's eyes, as they are counting on you, and you turning them down.. seeing that pain in their face because now they probably feel like they are alone in a world of hurt. This doesnt feel good to me. I thought maybe everyone was right. I mean I was miserable before, not being selfish. I have always wished that I could be like everyone else and walk away from people and to say no. It was hell having to be spread so thin. But now it feels worse............ WTF cant this be easy for me? Is it supposed to suck this bad? I cant win for losing. I can either spread myself too thin as I always do, putting others way above my own needs and hate it... Or I feel the pain of letting someone else down and worry about them the whole time I am supposed to be thinking of myself.

Im messed up somewhere.. this is messed up. I thought once I got the words out "no".. after I said that it would be easy and I would feel better after it was done. Thats not how it happened at all. I finally said no, and I looked at this persons face and a look of defeat came over them and they just left. And I only said no because I know that its the right thing to do. Not just for me but for them and their situation too. I thought long and hard about the whole thing, and this is the right thing to do. JFC! why does it suck so bad? I wish I didnt care so much. I really wish that I was a cold hearted selfish bitch. I wish I didnt feel so deeply for people. I wish I didnt feel at all.
JFC...How many points did you get for that long ass whiny repeated dribble drabble?
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MistressMonster
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Anonymous 1 wrote: Fri Jul 12, 2019 10:00 pm
Nopeville wrote: Fri Jul 12, 2019 9:52 pm Good God, what did you say no about? Are you always this dramatic or was it actually something really big?
No its actually something really big and life altering. Im not going to go into what it is because there is too much to explain and simply because I dont feel like going into it all. But its a big deal and I did what I felt was best for this person, their kids and myself.
You can't come up with a condensed version of what it was? The question will be asked a million times.
The oranges of the island are like blazing fire
Amongst the emerald boughs
And the lemons are like the paleness of a lover
Who has spent the night crying.


My soul was ripped to shreds on 10/27/14
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what did you say no to?
Nopeville
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Anonymous 1 wrote: Fri Jul 12, 2019 10:00 pm
Nopeville wrote: Fri Jul 12, 2019 9:52 pm Good God, what did you say no about? Are you always this dramatic or was it actually something really big?
No its actually something really big and life altering. Im not going to go into what it is because there is too much to explain and simply because I dont feel like going into it all. But its a big deal and I did what I felt was best for this person, their kids and myself.
If you're not going to answer the question, this whole thing is pointless. No one can make an informed comment.
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Valentina327
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You've said nothing with all of these words.
Let's Go Brandon!
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KendallsMom
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Did someone ask you for a life preserver while they were drowning or something?
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