My DH is a Disneyland Dad

[Anonymous 3]

He is honestly really great with our DD and I do not want to be a single mom. For one I do not have the finances to do it by myself, and two he does help a lot when I am working and unable to pick up/take care of DD.

It is shitty. I would make plans with his kids on his behalf all the time. Tell them "we" missed them, you know aat least try. After telling him why I stayed with him at this time, he did make plans with SS14 and SD17 all on his own. And he has been keeping touch with them a lot more. But I can only say so much and do so much.

But you are okay with all of this otherwise you would give him an ultimatum. He knows he has you over a barrel financially and uses it to the fullest.

https://momconfessions.net/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=4600

This her post?

Yes the one she posted last year. 7 bumped it up

[Anonymous 2]

No its definitely him. He is supposed to get EOWE and one overnight. He is also supposed to get two weeks in the summer and just never exercised his custodial time like he should have.

When kids are teens and decide they don't want to go/are too busy to go, and we have the attitude displayed so often here that they are "old enough to decide," and if the courts support that which seems more and more common, yeah the system does set things up for this. Again, I'm not saying it's an excuse, and sounds like he played into it. I'm just saying the system lends itself to things turning out this way.

You're in a tough spot with your child. I'm not sure I'd stay but I understand why you do.

I've never known of a teen who refused to do visitation for anything except bad parenting. Don't blame the system for teens choosing to remove themselves from bad situations.

I'm not. But haven't you read some of the stories here? Not much to do at dad's because he lives in an apartment, or friends live where mom lives, or mom's rules are looser than dad's and the kid prefers that. Or whatever the reason. Those aren't bad situations. They're just teens being teens. People have suggested when that happens dad just let visitation go and make sure to attend all of the kid's extra curriculars and maybe take them to dinner or something like that.

[Anonymous 4]

There’s a huge difference between a 2 year olds birthday and a spoiled 14 year olds birthday. Just saying.

I did offer to compromise and give SS14 $40 and cook him his favorite meal. That wasn't good enough apparently.

I didn't plan on doing anything for DD 2nd birthday except to have my family come and get pizza or cook lasagna. DH is all up in arms about it.

His whole relationship with ss has been built around money. Taking that away, there’s nothing left.

I’m not saying you are wrong to not spend money than you can afford, but maybe you could find another way or another compromise.

[Anonymous 8]

I hope that I am 100% wrong. But your story sounds very similar to mine 20+ years ago. I'm here to tell you that whether you stay or you go, your husband will not be any different with your daughter than he has been with his other kids. It does not get better (at least not without counseling). Don't fool yourself into believing that things will be different for your daughter or that you will be able to insure that he treats your daughter better than he did the first two. You can try. But know this: You can't change him. The only way that he may be a better father the 2nd time around is through counseling and by him buying into this.

Kids are very perceptive. As your daughter grows, she will notice if her father isn't tuned into her or vested in his relationship with her. And this will hurt her as much as it currently hurts your step kids. Whether you stay or you go, she will be affected by his ways. I guess what I'm trying to say is...Don't fool yourself into thinking that by staying, your daughter will be getting the benefit of having grown up with her father in the house. If he's present but is "absent", she's no better off with him being there than she would have been if he weren't.

Please don't think that I'm telling you to leave your husband. I wrote this only to share with you my experience in the hopes that it opens up your eyes to the potential reality of the situation. Be realistic about what your DH will really be doing for and/or with your daughter. See things as they really are and not just as how you wish for them to be. I highly recommend counseling. And in the mean time, further your career. Right this very moment, do whatever you have to do to insure that if tomorrow you wanted to leave, you could and that if you did, you could sustain yourself.

I wish you nothing but the best.

I would not be with a shitty person like that. He is financially irresponsible and an all round crappy father. He will treat your child like that in the future also

He is honestly really great with our DD and I do not want to be a single mom. For one I do not have the finances to do it by myself, and two he does help a lot when I am working and unable to pick up/take care of DD.

It is shitty. I would make plans with his kids on his behalf all the time. Tell them "we" missed them, you know aat least try. After telling him why I stayed with him at this time, he did make plans with SS14 and SD17 all on his own. And he has been keeping touch with them a lot more. But I can only say so much and do so much.

[Anonymous 5]

When kids are teens and decide they don't want to go/are too busy to go, and we have the attitude displayed so often here that they are "old enough to decide," and if the courts support that which seems more and more common, yeah the system does set things up for this. Again, I'm not saying it's an excuse, and sounds like he played into it. I'm just saying the system lends itself to things turning out this way.

You're in a tough spot with your child. I'm not sure I'd stay but I understand why you do.

I've never known of a teen who refused to do visitation for anything except bad parenting. Don't blame the system for teens choosing to remove themselves from bad situations.

I'm not. But haven't you read some of the stories here? Not much to do at dad's because he lives in an apartment, or friends live where mom lives, or mom's rules are looser than dad's and the kid prefers that. Or whatever the reason. Those aren't bad situations. They're just teens being teens. People have suggested when that happens dad just let visitation go and make sure to attend all of the kid's extra curriculars and maybe take them to dinner or something like that.

I can remember stories here about teens being used as free labor or childcare without being treated like a family member. There's been stories about teens being left alone most the time while their parents are occupied doing something else during visitation. There's the parents who treat their teens like toddlers or are super controlling. There's also the asshole parents who don't allow their teens to participate in extracurricular or normal social teen social life during their time.


If parents want a healthy relationship with their children, they have to put work into it.Those parents who don't put effort into have no right to complain if their teens no longer want a relationship.

[Anonymous 9]

No its definitely him. He is supposed to get EOWE and one overnight. He is also supposed to get two weeks in the summer and just never exercised his custodial time like he should have.

When kids are teens and decide they don't want to go/are too busy to go, and we have the attitude displayed so often here that they are "old enough to decide," and if the courts support that which seems more and more common, yeah the system does set things up for this. Again, I'm not saying it's an excuse, and sounds like he played into it. I'm just saying the system lends itself to things turning out this way.

You're in a tough spot with your child. I'm not sure I'd stay but I understand why you do.

I've never known of a teen who refused to do visitation for anything except bad parenting. Don't blame the system for teens choosing to remove themselves from bad situations.

This dad is clearly a shitty dad and OP is a loser for staying with him.
But when I was a teen I refused to go to my dads house because I didnt want to be far away from my friends and then when I was older my boyfriend. I regret it now because I missed out on a lot of time and memories with him. He was a great dad but I was a selfish teenager

[Anonymous 9]

But you are okay with all of this otherwise you would give him an ultimatum. He knows he has you over a barrel financially and uses it to the fullest.

https://momconfessions.net/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=4600

This her post?

Yes the one she posted last year. 7 bumped it up

That post is not her post... that is my post. She was on there bitching at me though

[Anonymous 9]

I would not be with a shitty person like that. He is financially irresponsible and an all round crappy father. He will treat your child like that in the future also

He is honestly really great with our DD and I do not want to be a single mom. For one I do not have the finances to do it by myself, and two he does help a lot when I am working and unable to pick up/take care of DD.

It is shitty. I would make plans with his kids on his behalf all the time. Tell them "we" missed them, you know aat least try. After telling him why I stayed with him at this time, he did make plans with SS14 and SD17 all on his own. And he has been keeping touch with them a lot more. But I can only say so much and do so much.

But you are okay with all of this otherwise you would give him an ultimatum. He knows he has you over a barrel financially and uses it to the fullest.

https://momconfessions.net/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=4600

You are getting people confused. That post is mine. My husband is not a disneyland dad

[Anonymous 8]

I can see where you might think that her staying makes her a loser. The thing is, though, at this point in time, she might just be hopeful that things are going to get better. My advice to anyone in her shoes is to get counseling and to give it a try. (When we take our wedding vows and choose to have children, don't we all (unless in an abusive relationship) have an obligation to at least try to keep it together?)

I'm so sorry that things happened as they did between you and your father when you were a teen. That had to be tough. Do you have a good relationship with him now? I hope so. You (and he) deserve that.

When kids are teens and decide they don't want to go/are too busy to go, and we have the attitude displayed so often here that they are "old enough to decide," and if the courts support that which seems more and more common, yeah the system does set things up for this. Again, I'm not saying it's an excuse, and sounds like he played into it. I'm just saying the system lends itself to things turning out this way.

You're in a tough spot with your child. I'm not sure I'd stay but I understand why you do.

I've never known of a teen who refused to do visitation for anything except bad parenting. Don't blame the system for teens choosing to remove themselves from bad situations.

This dad is clearly a shitty dad and OP is a loser for staying with him.
But when I was a teen I refused to go to my dads house because I didnt want to be far away from my friends and then when I was older my boyfriend. I regret it now because I missed out on a lot of time and memories with him. He was a great dad but I was a selfish teenager

[Anonymous 8]

This.

I've never known of a teen who refused to do visitation for anything except bad parenting. Don't blame the system for teens choosing to remove themselves from bad situations.

I'm not. But haven't you read some of the stories here? Not much to do at dad's because he lives in an apartment, or friends live where mom lives, or mom's rules are looser than dad's and the kid prefers that. Or whatever the reason. Those aren't bad situations. They're just teens being teens. People have suggested when that happens dad just let visitation go and make sure to attend all of the kid's extra curriculars and maybe take them to dinner or something like that.

If parents want a healthy relationship with their children, they have to put work into it.Those parents who don't put effort into have no right to complain if their teens no longer want a relationship.