I am not going to punish them because I dont see the problem....

[Beachbrat]

Like I originally stated, I'm old fashioned. To me, a kid doesn't call an adult by their first name. Period. I get times have changed and it was the cool thing to do and now for some, it's acceptable. It's not to me. It's just rude. Power trip or not, she is entitled to be called what she wants and not something she doesn't by a child.

A step parent is very much different than say a teacher or mom and dads friend or a coach. The relationship is much different and a step child shouldn't have to call their step parent "mr or mrs first or last name" and they definitely shouldn't have to refer to her as "step mother" while talking to her. that is silly.

Hence why a compromise should be made. They do not have the right to call her by her first name though.

Agree on the name thing....

But them not following other rules is rude and disrespectful

[jas]

They weren't necessarily "able to be rude" to others. If the adults they were addressing had no issue with it, then it's not rude in the least.
When my kids were younger, I generally taught them to call my friends Miss first name, or Mrs Last name, depending on how close I was to the adult in question. I had several friends request that I let the kids call them by their first names. It wasn't rude.
I get that the step mom here is requesting formality. I think formality is for teachers, coaches, employers, etc., NOT people in your own home.
Step mom is on a power trip, and needs to get over it.

Like I originally stated, I'm old fashioned. To me, a kid doesn't call an adult by their first name. Period. I get times have changed and it was the cool thing to do and now for some, it's acceptable. It's not to me. It's just rude. Power trip or not, she is entitled to be called what she wants and not something she doesn't by a child.

I'm just curious, where are you from? I'm 43 and I have never once referred to my parents' friends by anything but their first names and I have never had a child refer to me by anything but my first name. Which is totally fine by me and I see it as in no way rude. Maybe it's a regional thing?

North East.

[Sassy762]

When I was a kid, I called my stepmom by her first name. When my mom remarried, I called my stepdad by his first name also. If an adult wasnt related to us we would call them Ms or Mr and their first name. Thats the old fashioned way to do it. These days everyone goes by their first name.

[Valentina327]

They weren't necessarily "able to be rude" to others. If the adults they were addressing had no issue with it, then it's not rude in the least.
When my kids were younger, I generally taught them to call my friends Miss first name, or Mrs Last name, depending on how close I was to the adult in question. I had several friends request that I let the kids call them by their first names. It wasn't rude.
I get that the step mom here is requesting formality. I think formality is for teachers, coaches, employers, etc., NOT people in your own home.
Step mom is on a power trip, and needs to get over it.

Like I originally stated, I'm old fashioned. To me, a kid doesn't call an adult by their first name. Period. I get times have changed and it was the cool thing to do and now for some, it's acceptable. It's not to me. It's just rude. Power trip or not, she is entitled to be called what she wants and not something she doesn't by a child.

Okay. That's your view, and your welcome to it. I don't believe she is entitled to anything. She, as an adult, needs to come up with something both she and the kids are okay with.
Honestly, the kids don't NEED to call her anything. They can simply say what they need to say to her without using a name. When they speak about her to others, they can say my stepmother, or Dad's wife. There is nothing rude about that.
Ultimately, this is too small an issue for the Step mom to make a fuss about it.

That's pretty ignorant and disrespectful just to not address someone at all. This isn't a next door neighbor, this is a step parent - someone you're supposed to have a relationship with. They do need to call her something. They can't just not address her ever for the next 40 years.

[Nopeville]

Like I originally stated, I'm old fashioned. To me, a kid doesn't call an adult by their first name. Period. I get times have changed and it was the cool thing to do and now for some, it's acceptable. It's not to me. It's just rude. Power trip or not, she is entitled to be called what she wants and not something she doesn't by a child.

I'm just curious, where are you from? I'm 43 and I have never once referred to my parents' friends by anything but their first names and I have never had a child refer to me by anything but my first name. Which is totally fine by me and I see it as in no way rude. Maybe it's a regional thing?

North East.

Ah, I'm in the NW. I think the West coast is just less formal in general.

[Nopeville]

Like I originally stated, I'm old fashioned. To me, a kid doesn't call an adult by their first name. Period. I get times have changed and it was the cool thing to do and now for some, it's acceptable. It's not to me. It's just rude. Power trip or not, she is entitled to be called what she wants and not something she doesn't by a child.

Okay. That's your view, and your welcome to it. I don't believe she is entitled to anything. She, as an adult, needs to come up with something both she and the kids are okay with.
Honestly, the kids don't NEED to call her anything. They can simply say what they need to say to her without using a name. When they speak about her to others, they can say my stepmother, or Dad's wife. There is nothing rude about that.
Ultimately, this is too small an issue for the Step mom to make a fuss about it.

That's pretty ignorant and disrespectful just to not address someone at all. This isn't a next door neighbor, this is a step parent - someone you're supposed to have a relationship with. They do need to call her something. They can't just not address her ever for the next 40 years.

For "someone they're supposed to have a relationship with", she's really starting on the wrong foot. If she won't compromise, this relationship is never going to be any good. It's sad really, that her demands for what she thinks is respect are going to backfire on her.

[Valentina327]

Okay. That's your view, and your welcome to it. I don't believe she is entitled to anything. She, as an adult, needs to come up with something both she and the kids are okay with.
Honestly, the kids don't NEED to call her anything. They can simply say what they need to say to her without using a name. When they speak about her to others, they can say my stepmother, or Dad's wife. There is nothing rude about that.
Ultimately, this is too small an issue for the Step mom to make a fuss about it.

That's pretty ignorant and disrespectful just to not address someone at all. This isn't a next door neighbor, this is a step parent - someone you're supposed to have a relationship with. They do need to call her something. They can't just not address her ever for the next 40 years.

For "someone they're supposed to have a relationship with", she's really starting on the wrong foot. If she won't compromise, this relationship is never going to be any good. It's sad really, that her demands for what she thinks is respect are going to backfire on her.

Oh I definitely agree with you. It's a lousy way to barge into an existing family as a new person, demanding these kids be punished. That's not how you ingratiate yourself. Being an ass takes so much more energy! I'd personally be flexing and trying to be accommodating if I were the step mother coming in. This is not how you make friends! LOL

[jas]

I'm just curious, where are you from? I'm 43 and I have never once referred to my parents' friends by anything but their first names and I have never had a child refer to me by anything but my first name. Which is totally fine by me and I see it as in no way rude. Maybe it's a regional thing?

North East.

Ah, I'm in the NW. I think the West coast is just less formal in general.

I will agree with that

[Anonymous 6]

You're right about one thing: This stuff needs to be worked out within that house. It sounds like their marriage is fairly new. It'll take this husband and wife to get settled into their new lives together. But eventually, they will find a way to get things in order in their home.

That leads me to the next topic. How in the hell would you know what this husband and wife has done with the deed to their property. Just because your name wasn't on the deed, that doesn't mean that this wife's name won't be. Regardless of whose name is on the deed, though, this house is the home of this husband and wife. And so, the two of them will be making the rules for it.

As for what her step kids call her...If I were her, as long as it's not "bitch," I wouldn't care what they called me.

This house is my kids and my exs house. It will never be her house. Yes she lives there but they have been their since birth. The house will go to my son. She will never have claim to it just like I never did.

My ex has the right to make rules and she can make them also I guess but if my ex isnt really backing her up (which he isnt) they arent going to be taken seriously.

At the end of the day this is any issue my ex and his wife should get situated, not me.

Wow you and your ex are real pieces of shit! Just because she has no "claim" to the house doesn't make it any less hers, as she lives there. And if your ex isn't backing his wife then i can see why your children are ass holes and treat their step mother like she is dirt. Smh. Y'all are all fucked in the head.

Clearly she lives there but it doesnt become only her house. It is just as much my kids' house, well even more so

I am not fucked in the head because I am being logical about what is going on. She lives there but so do they. She doesnt have overall say and these issues need to be worked out in that house, not in mine.

My ex knows she is being ridiculous.

[Iffrinn]

Like I originally stated, I'm old fashioned. To me, a kid doesn't call an adult by their first name. Period. I get times have changed and it was the cool thing to do and now for some, it's acceptable. It's not to me. It's just rude. Power trip or not, she is entitled to be called what she wants and not something she doesn't by a child.

Okay. That's your view, and your welcome to it. I don't believe she is entitled to anything. She, as an adult, needs to come up with something both she and the kids are okay with.
Honestly, the kids don't NEED to call her anything. They can simply say what they need to say to her without using a name. When they speak about her to others, they can say my stepmother, or Dad's wife. There is nothing rude about that.
Ultimately, this is too small an issue for the Step mom to make a fuss about it.

That's pretty ignorant and disrespectful just to not address someone at all. This isn't a next door neighbor, this is a step parent - someone you're supposed to have a relationship with. They do need to call her something. They can't just not address her ever for the next 40 years.

When you speak to people who live in your home, do you address them by name every single time? I highly doubt it.
Normally, I would not suggest not addressing someone, but if this woman has SUCH a problem about it, it might be better for the kids not to call her anything. If they don't call her anything, she can't be offended by what they call her.
Ultimately, it's ridiculous that this topic has generated this much discussion. It's just not important. It's pathetic that this woman cares so much what these kids call her. If she cared about the kids, she'd care a lot less what they call her.