My family will never forgive me because I missed my grandfather dying

[Anonymous 1]

A few months ago my grandfather had a heart attack and he was too unstable to even go in for surgery. I was working across town at another hospital. I was doing a call shift which meant I could not leave the hospital grounds. Doing so would result in me losing my job and most likely my license and have to deal with malpractice and a bunch of other things I dont even know about. Not to mention it would have put patients lives at risk.

I wanted to go to my grandfather and say my last goodbyes but it just was not possible. He was 97 years old and doing bad health wise anyway. I had already spent a lot of time with him and I knew the last thing he would want was for me to ruin my life.

My family still brings it up every chance they get. They make it seem like I was sitting on my ass at home when really I was saving lives. That day I ended up having 3 emergency surgeries and 4 additional people had to be intubated in the ER. All who would have likely died if I was not there.

At this point I think I might just be done with them all. It isnt worth being around people who are so negative towards me. They all have jobs that arent that important so leaving at the drop of a hat is no big deal. None of them are licensed through the state and if they lost their jobs oh well, they could just get another one.

I know my grandfather would be upset that they were treating me this way. He was always the biggest supporter of my career and always understood when I had to miss family things for work or school. He was a doctor before he retired so he understood what it was like.

Even my own mother is too much to be around. I kinda feel like I would just be better off without them all

[madfoodie]

My second son was born on the same day at the same time my grandfather died. Pappy was buried the day I was released.
I missed his death and his funeral.

[RedBottoms]

They suck. My 97 year old grandmother died little over a year ago. My Aunt and Uncle told me not to bother coming as she was already mostly out of it and they knew I am busy and live 2 hours away. That is how reasonable people act.

Your family is completely unreasonable. Sounds like they are jealous you are more successful than them. I hate when people lose their sensibilities over a very old person dying. They should have been mentally preparing themselves for his death for years at that point. So I don't even think grief is an excuse for them.

I would tell them I don't want to hear about it again and if they bring it up-immediately hang up the phone or walk out or show them the door. Then don't contact them for 2 weeks or longer. Do this each time they bring it up. They will learn to stop bringing it up. Trains them as you would train a dog.

I bet your Grandpa was proud of you and your job

[Momto2boys973]

I’m sorry for your loss. I can understand your position. And I think it’s unfair that you’re being vilified over it. I’m sorry you’re having to face backlash on top of your loss, you don’t deserve that.
When my brother passed away, only me, DH and my parents were in the room. My sil and my nephews and niece didn’t arrive until right after he passed. None of us criticized her for that. It’s how things happened. I personally thing it’s petty to focus on such banal things. Ultimately, the family suffered a loss, it’s a time to be together, supportive and comforting to one another, not the time to be petty and mean. I think it’s sad they can’t see beyond the pettiness to what’s truly important. Hugs to you!

[MonarchMom]

I'm sorry for your loss.

Please do not waste any time on what other people think you should have done at that moment. It was not their decision to make, not their life to lead. Don't explain anything to them, don't listen to their complaints. Just go on with your live.

Sometimes people just want something to hold over you, and if it was not this it would be something else.

[Deleted User 114]

I'm sorry for your loss.. : (

[mojogirl]

I never understand stories like this. As screwed up as my family is at least they understand the basics of what adulting is. So I can only presume your family is absolute trash. So I guess my advice is to treat them as such. Sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous 2]

You are at peace with the relationship you had with your grandfather, nothing else should matter. Honestly, if your family is still bringing it up, I would later, I would take a break from them.

Relationships are not determined by how/when/if we say goodbye. Relationships are determined by how we interact with people while they are living.