If you have a kid with ODD

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Conweis
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My second oldest has ODD. He is the type that needs immediate consequences for his actions.
Even from a little age it was a big "f**k you" attitude to things he didn't want to do. I took parentimg classes because of my oldest being on the spectrum. Ober the years with guidance and structure he has gotten better but we still have our battles.
My kid was diagnosed by a psychologist. He has ODD, ADHD and dyslexia, but he was also diagnosed with sleep apnea and has a cpap now. Sometimes sleep apnea can be disguised as ADHD, add, odd and learning disorders.
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Conweis wrote: Mon Mar 25, 2019 12:22 am My second oldest has ODD. He is the type that needs immediate consequences for his actions.
Even from a little age it was a big "f**k you" attitude to things he didn't want to do. I took parentimg classes because of my oldest being on the spectrum. Ober the years with guidance and structure he has gotten better but we still have our battles.
My kid was diagnosed by a psychologist. He has ODD, ADHD and dyslexia, but he was also diagnosed with sleep apnea and has a cpap now. Sometimes sleep apnea can be disguised as ADHD, add, odd and learning disorders.
Sounds like you have been through it all. I can't even imagine the battles you have faced. The big "f**k you" is not easy to hear I am sure. My oldest called me a bitch when she was 10. Not as bad, but I could imagine her saying what your son did.
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luvthagirl wrote: Sun Mar 24, 2019 11:49 am Never heard of ODD until this post
I actually first head of ODD from the orginal CM site. At first I didn't really believe it until I did some research. It is real.
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Baconqueen13 wrote: Sun Mar 24, 2019 10:28 am
RedBottoms wrote: Sun Mar 24, 2019 10:11 am
Baconqueen13 wrote: Sun Mar 24, 2019 10:06 am

My eldest had a friend whose mom was like that. She would post fits on FB because kids didn't want to hang out with her kid anymore. Made up excuses like "Well one old friend only wants to hang out with the "popular kids", my kid doesn't like x friend anymore and the other hangs out with this boy that my kid doesn't like" .....Her kid was a major bully with control issues and didn't like anyone to have any other friends. The friend her kid "didn't like" anymore her kid had made cry at my kid's Birthday party. My kid was the one that "Hangs out with the boy" this girl didn't like. As far as
Mom, she was "Nice" as far as people go but she was/is a shit parent. Once she pulled her kids from school I unfriended her since our kids didn't hang out anymore.
That is why the mutual friend dumped her. Their DDs were besties. They met in preschool and were really good buddies. But she really could not deal with the mother anymore.

My friend spent a ton of time around her DD and said she did not have ODD or anything else. She was just sassy and had attitude probably from shitty parenting. But a totally normal little girl
The girl didn't have ODD, she was just a bitch. Her brother however, every diagnosis you can think of to excuse the bad behavior. Kid was perfectly normal. Just a spoiled brat. Mom fought to have 504's put in place so he could take gym "at home" because he'd throw temper tantrums if it was any activity he didn't like. Mom would let him sleep in and feed him 3 breakfasts instead. Had "fidget toys" he'd bring in and THROW at classmates so she'd take them away and he'd cry. Even the 1 on 1 assistant this kid had was over the bullshit but they couldn't say anything. Mom would blame the schools and the kids "Conditions" and not take any responsibility.
In an earlier reply I suggested that some parents are looking for labels for their children's behaviour rather than deal with them in parenting. This last reply I just quoted is a perfect example of that. Some kids do have ODD, so the true condition shouldn't be confused with a lack of parenting. When my oldest was four and then again at 10, if I had known about ODD I may have checked into it. But I didn't know about it, so I dealt with her behavior until she moved on and started behaving properly. She is fine now.
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Doctors used to blame autism 100% on the mothers. Before science and research got a little better.

Some kids seem to be born so difficult it’s like setting up parents to fail. Others are so easy that parents get to take credit they don’t deserve. The worst possible combinations are difficult kids and shitty parents. I feel for every parent with a difficult kid.
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Lemons wrote: Mon Mar 25, 2019 9:58 pm Doctors used to blame autism 100% on the mothers. Before science and research got a little better.

Some kids seem to be born so difficult it’s like setting up parents to fail. Others are so easy that parents get to take credit they don’t deserve. The worst possible combinations are difficult kids and shitty parents. I feel for every parent with a difficult kid.
That's my kids exactly one so difficult it's like setting us up to fail and one so easy we get lots of credit for her. People who know me tell me its definitely not my parenting just look at how great my dd is.
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LiveWhatULove wrote: Sun Mar 24, 2019 10:37 am
Baconqueen13 wrote: Sun Mar 24, 2019 10:20 am
LiveWhatULove wrote: Sun Mar 24, 2019 10:08 am

I agree with you, except, you are taking this personal, as I never said ALL providers, perhaps I should have said “some”, why do you think I am attacking the experts you refer to & know directly? I apologize, I am not. I am constant contact with wonderful PMHNPs, some who specialize in peds. They are dear friends. I adore them, and am not calling them ignorant either, only the ones who literally say it’s shitty or bad parenting.

But out of millions of providers, there are a lot of bad ones & some are ignorant. The posters here do not lie.
I'm sorry if my assessment of the issue is too blunt for your liking....actually no, I'm not. I'm blunt it's a fact of life. Do I think ALL parents whose kids have a diagnosis of ODD are shitty parents.....of course not. Do I believe there is a rise of such cases and diagnoses due to shitty parenting? Yes, overwhelmingly, yes. Would I expect a health care professional to be as blunt as I am in these posts? Certainly not, but I still know how they view or refer to most cases of ODD behind closed doors among other professionals regardless of how blunt they are being about it or not. I'm sorry but it seems to me that you are the one taking this post personally, not anon2.
f**k yes, I take the situation personal. I am not ashamed by this. Until, you have heard masses telling you, “you are a shitty parent” that’s why your DS is struggling, people don’t understand. I speak out now, I choose to be vulnerable because if just one mother on this board is struggling, crying herself to sleep, beating herself up, spending 1000’s of dollars on therapy and still failing her child, I want her to know she is not alone. Because it is a horribly lonely journey. I want her to know there is hope. And your blunt statements provide no comfort, so that is why I voice mine.

I have worked with patients for 24 years now, and I have no respect for providers that behind closed doors that call people shitty, especially in the mental health world. So let’s just stop now, and disagree about defining it s blunt vs. unprofessional. Sure we all have moments of compassion fatigue and irritability, but anyone working with parents and mentally unwell children and teens that uses routine derogatory language and disrespects the child/parent dyad, gets no respect from me. Get F out of the profession, as far as I am concerned, as it’s bound to result shitty healthcare.

I understand you disagree and that’s fine, as I let my pride get the best of me, just to respond In the first place. If I had wanted to converse with an insensitive, arrogant poster, I would have quoted you first.
I wish there was a way to love something because I love this. As a parent who spent years trying to get her children help, being sent to parenting classes because my children's difficulties were, of course, my fault...being told by a professional to just spank my 3 year old if she tried to sit on my lap when I didn't want her to (she had been diagnosed with attachment disorder at that point) to train her need to be constantly touching me out of her (I never spanked her and fired the therapist)..and finally getting a diagnosis of bipolar in two of my children after hospital stays I AM one of those parents who has been called a shitty parent by professionals. Using any diagnosis as a crutch or an excuse is wrong on the part of the parent but to ever say a mental health diagnosis is a result of "shitty parenting" is wrong and shows a complete lack of empathy for what the entire family is going through.
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Baconqueen13 wrote: Sun Mar 24, 2019 8:40 am You're aware that medical professionals call ODD the "Shitty parent' disease, right? In very few cases ODD is due to a "co-existing" such as Autism or bi-polar disorder but once those conditions are addressed the ODD is not an issue. A diagnosis of ODD with say ADHD means the problem is you and not your kid. Treatment tends to be therapy for the kid and parenting classes for you.
Many professionals won't diagnose bipolar until the child is an adult. So they aren't treated for it until they are given a diagnosis and the parents are just left to try and parent using skills being given to them that often harm the child more than help them. The symptoms of ADHD and ODD are very similiar to bipolar disorder. So a kid is diagnosed with ADHD and medicated, the medication triggers larger mood swings (particularly increasing the hypomanic swings) and then the kid gets a diagnosis of ODD. Now the professionals tell the parents this is all their fault and they need more parenting classes. The parent tries to use the parenting skills they are given and they work worse than what the parent was doing before. The parent spends the next few years trying to help their child until they either give up and the "bad kid" turns into a "bad adult", the kid succeeds at suicide or the child/adult becomes unstable enough to land in the hospital where they may actually get a correct diagnosis. You realize it often takes 5 years of having symptoms of bipolar before a person is actually diagnosed? And almost every person who is diagnosed as an adult showed signs of it when they were children but those signs were ignored by professionals and blamed on bad parenting.
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Baconqueen13 wrote: Sun Mar 24, 2019 8:40 am You're aware that medical professionals call ODD the "Shitty parent' disease, right? In very few cases ODD is due to a "co-existing" such as Autism or bi-polar disorder but once those conditions are addressed the ODD is not an issue. A diagnosis of ODD with say ADHD means the problem is you and not your kid. Treatment tends to be therapy for the kid and parenting classes for you.
It's not because of "shitty parenting" and it's not a parenting problem. It's usually an issue of an undiagnosed other disorder. ODD usually is present along with something else. In my son it was along with anxiety. ODD is basically the child's coping mechanism for dealing with their disorder that hasn't been fully diagnosed/discovered by the parents and/or physicians. And yes, usually once the underlying issue is properly addressed, the ODD will lessen or go away. But that can take years of therapy or whatever treatment is appropriate. It doesn't help in the meantime to make parents feel like it's all their fault. We're not handed manuals on how to identify ADHD or anxiety or any other plethora or mental disorders that could befall our children, and we're still not handed manuals on how to properly address such a disorder even once it is identified because every child is a bit different.
It does no good telling parents "the problem is you" when their child is exhibiting ODD behaviors. The real problem is attitudes like yours that accomplish nothing but making parents feel like shit.
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I was diagnosed by three different psychiatrists when I was about 12... I had amazing parents. The people who assume it has to do with “shitty parents” are probably just too stupid to understand what it actually is, but that’s ok. They’ll learn just how hard it is to be a parent in their own time, but sadly their children will have to suffer from having parents that are dismissive of the problems their children will inevitably go through.

I was also diagnosed with Aspergers , but that isn’t something that they diagnose kids with anymore.
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