How would you handle this

[Sassy762]

Sorry, thats no excuse in my opinion.
Regardless whether she had good role models or not, only someone that lived in a cave with no human interaction could possibly be excused using that excuse.
I feel bad for your dd, NO child should ever have to feel "indifferent" in regards to a grandparent.or parent for that matter.
Im old and I've never heard of "the belief that daughter’s never leave you but sons do". Even if I had, I would.never allow that mindset to exist in our family.
One day when grandmother needs help, the grandkids she favored may turn their back on her and she is going to regret treating your dd differently.

Favoring one child or grandchild over another is a total BITCH move. I've never pulled that crap with my kids or grandkids and never will. I also would never subject my children to a nasty bitch like that, she would be dead to us after the very first time I witnessed that .

We had a similar situation this past June. All 3 granddaughters were graduating in the same week in different locations. My MIL attended only one - her favorite grandchild. It’s never discussed but we all know this one is the favorite.

My opinion was that if you can’t go to all, go to none. Although she has a favorite, must she be so blatant about it. Luckily my DD could care less as she has known this for a while. Grandma did send her a check for $500 though.

It is not necessarily done with malice. My MIL just didn’t have good role models with either her mother or her MIL. Has always favored the children of her daughters more than the sons. I got the sense it comes from the belief that daughter’s never leave you but sons do. I used to be frustrated by it. She has not been to visit us since 2007 although we are only a 4 hour car ride away or an easy train trip. Yet she has been to visit my SIL and her kids in Europe at least 1x/year.

Since she has retired, she has made more of an effort but my DD is indifferent at this point. She’ll talk to her or email but doesn’t initiate. The sad thing is that both my parents are dead as is my FIL. So my MIL is it.

[Anonymous 7]

probably my future. Since I have twins that are at different schools. All the schools in our county have the same couple of grad days and some will overlap unfortunately.

I would probably attend the one that the graduate might be winning the most awards. So if I had one grandson that was getting some awards or doing a speech-I would attend that one. If they both were getting awards or both not getting anything special-I would coin toss it and then make sure to take the other graduate out to dinner. And give them both big gifts.

Using your own logic... You shouldnt have had twins

[bluebunnybabe]

I would either go to the one that had less family coming or skip both. I tend to be the party thrower, so I would likely plan a party for everyone & be busy cooking.

[Anonymous 8]

25 bucks is plenty. It's the thought that counts and to a kid 25 is a lot.

Go to neither. Send enormous gifts.

Which is probably what I'd do regardless because graduation ceremonies are boring as f**k and if you're not getting roasted, you're getting rained on.

Ill.send them 25 bucks just like I do with all the kids

that is ridiculous. You should be giving more than that unless you are just not well off.

[bluebunnybabe]

Go to neither. Send enormous gifts.

Which is probably what I'd do regardless because graduation ceremonies are boring as f**k and if you're not getting roasted, you're getting rained on.

Ill.send them 25 bucks just like I do with all the kids

that is ridiculous. You should be giving more than that unless you are just not well off.

That’s kind of a greedy way of thinking. I’ll do more than $25 per kid, but not much more. You don’t know how many grandkids she has or what her budget is. I have six, soon to be seven, and I don’t go overboard on anything like that. My financial focus is making sure none of my family needs to buy my groceries 20 and 30 years from now. From what I’ve seen, more people should focus on that.

[RedBottoms]

Ill.send them 25 bucks just like I do with all the kids

that is ridiculous. You should be giving more than that unless you are just not well off.

That’s kind of a greedy way of thinking. I’ll do more than $25 per kid, but not much more. You don’t know how many grandkids she has or what her budget is. I have six, soon to be seven, and I don’t go overboard on anything like that. My financial focus is making sure none of my family needs to buy my groceries 20 and 30 years from now. From what I’ve seen, more people should focus on that.

well yes I agree on that that saving for retirement is the utmost importance. I asked her what her financial means were and she said they were fine so I would give at least $100 as they only graduate from high school once. $25 does not even buy a nice meal or a movie in 2019.

[RedBottoms]

25 bucks is plenty. It's the thought that counts and to a kid 25 is a lot.

Ill.send them 25 bucks just like I do with all the kids

that is ridiculous. You should be giving more than that unless you are just not well off.

To an 18 year old $25 is not a lot of money.

[RedBottoms]

probably my future. Since I have twins that are at different schools. All the schools in our county have the same couple of grad days and some will overlap unfortunately.

I would probably attend the one that the graduate might be winning the most awards. So if I had one grandson that was getting some awards or doing a speech-I would attend that one. If they both were getting awards or both not getting anything special-I would coin toss it and then make sure to take the other graduate out to dinner. And give them both big gifts.

Using your own logic... You shouldnt have had twins

well I should not have them in different schools. Most people with twins keep them in the same school. I knew going in we are making things very difficult for ourselves putting them in different schools. But it was what was best for them. So we are just going to make do and figure something out when conflicts occur.

[bluebunnybabe]

that is ridiculous. You should be giving more than that unless you are just not well off.

That’s kind of a greedy way of thinking. I’ll do more than $25 per kid, but not much more. You don’t know how many grandkids she has or what her budget is. I have six, soon to be seven, and I don’t go overboard on anything like that. My financial focus is making sure none of my family needs to buy my groceries 20 and 30 years from now. From what I’ve seen, more people should focus on that.

well yes I agree on that that saving for retirement is the utmost importance. I asked her what her financial means were and she said they were fine so I would give at least $100 as they only graduate from high school once. $25 does not even buy a nice meal or a movie in 2019.

It doesn’t matter what her financial means are. A gift is a gift. We will likely do $50 for high school, and $100 for college. I promise you, my grandkids will appreciate the gift, and send a thank you card, because that’s how they are raised.
That you would do more, doesn’t make you better, or give you a reason to bash others.

[RedBottoms]

That’s kind of a greedy way of thinking. I’ll do more than $25 per kid, but not much more. You don’t know how many grandkids she has or what her budget is. I have six, soon to be seven, and I don’t go overboard on anything like that. My financial focus is making sure none of my family needs to buy my groceries 20 and 30 years from now. From what I’ve seen, more people should focus on that.

well yes I agree on that that saving for retirement is the utmost importance. I asked her what her financial means were and she said they were fine so I would give at least $100 as they only graduate from high school once. $25 does not even buy a nice meal or a movie in 2019.

It doesn’t matter what her financial means are. A gift is a gift. We will likely do $50 for high school, and $100 for college. I promise you, my grandkids will appreciate the gift, and send a thank you card, because that’s how they are raised.
That you would do more, doesn’t make you better, or give you a reason to bash others.

I was not intending to bash-I just though that seemed like a very low amount. As I said I give that much to my kids 11 year old friends for birthdays every year.