Bm is not happy that dh and I embraced sd.

[Anonymous 8]

Bm dislikes that we chose to be in the girls life and not just hand over a child support check.

I did not know dh 5 plus years ago.

Okay, so I will apologize for the fast assumption I thought of that I wanted to ask. I was wrong on that. Considering you didn't know him until 5 years later you are in the clear on that one.

As for the other half of your comment. It's good your husband IS involved IN his girls life, however you must understand that it's not easy for some bm's to accept another woman is sharing the role of parenting her children. I am going to assume that bm's marriage with your man wasn't a good fit for either of them and maybe your husband isn't being very receptive to any kind of close friendly co parenting relationship with bm? I'm starting to think that it's not just the fact that you are involved in the child's life but that she is hurting somewhere about something else as well. Resentment comes from some kind of inner pain. I feel some resentment even years later toward my ex husband and his wife for my personal reasons. Wish I didn't feel that way but it's because of how bad he hurt me and how well he treats her. This is your post. I'm not going to get into my personal story but just saying what i did to make a point that she prob is hurting somewhere in her heart and then seeing you and him together playing Mommy/Daddy to her child probably stings. Just something to think about. Good Luck to you!

They weren't married it was a brief relationship.

Dh talks to bm about the child.

Gotcha. Well good luck with your situation. I'm not sure what more I can add other than some helpful advice of please be understanding and considerate as much as possible of bm's feelings. She probably is a lot like me and feels like another woman is trying to take the place of "Mom" to her own child which equals insecurity and hurt. Always be kind and respectful of bm and let your dh without any interference have open contact with his ex when they need to talk about the child. Have a good rest of your evening.

[Anonymous 1]

Okay, so I will apologize for the fast assumption I thought of that I wanted to ask. I was wrong on that. Considering you didn't know him until 5 years later you are in the clear on that one.

As for the other half of your comment. It's good your husband IS involved IN his girls life, however you must understand that it's not easy for some bm's to accept another woman is sharing the role of parenting her children. I am going to assume that bm's marriage with your man wasn't a good fit for either of them and maybe your husband isn't being very receptive to any kind of close friendly co parenting relationship with bm? I'm starting to think that it's not just the fact that you are involved in the child's life but that she is hurting somewhere about something else as well. Resentment comes from some kind of inner pain. I feel some resentment even years later toward my ex husband and his wife for my personal reasons. Wish I didn't feel that way but it's because of how bad he hurt me and how well he treats her. This is your post. I'm not going to get into my personal story but just saying what i did to make a point that she prob is hurting somewhere in her heart and then seeing you and him together playing Mommy/Daddy to her child probably stings. Just something to think about. Good Luck to you!

They weren't married it was a brief relationship.

Dh talks to bm about the child.

Gotcha. Well good luck with your situation. I'm not sure what more I can add other than some helpful advice of please be understanding and considerate as much as possible of bm's feelings. She probably is a lot like me and feels like another woman is trying to take the place of "Mom" to her own child which equals insecurity and hurt. Always be kind and respectful of bm and let your dh without any interference have open contact with his ex when they need to talk about the child. Have a good rest of your evening.

Bm didn't expect dh to be involved, but those are feelings she will have to cope with. We're not going to stop living our lives because bm is hurting.

It's email mostly.

[Traci_Momof2]

This actually happened to a cousin of mine (many years ago). After he and his girlfriend parted ways she found out she was pregnant and never told him. I think he found out after his daughter was already grown. Luckily in adulthood they've been able to form a good relationship.

I don't have a lot of respect for women who don't even inform the man that she is pregnant.

It's too bad your cousin didn't have a chance to be her dad when she was younger but I'm glad they have one now.

Do you know her reason for not telling him?

No I don't. I never really got the details of the situation.

[Anonymous 9]

I've seen women like you before. You act like you have a prize in a man who wasn't careful enough not to reproduce with a woman he wasn't serious about or was just using for S*x. Probably why she didn't get in touch until now. He's not much of a man. You are playing mommy to a child that is not yours to spite a woman you are jealous of because she has a child by your husband. She got the best part of him. If this is for real but I doubt it.

[That'swhatshesaid]

I'm married to her father therefor I'm her parent.

YOU ARE NOT her REAL parent and are only a step parent. That's it and that's all you will ever be. I get the impression you are purposely trying to upset bm by pretending she is your real daughter. If you are a good stepmother, that is great. I hope you are, but, part of being a good step mother is knowing your place and always speaking positive of her mother. I hope you do and I hope you have no intentions of trying to take over as the her Mother, as that will never happen. Even if heaven forbid bm ever passed away for some reason, you still will always be the secondary parent as a step parent. No one can ever fill her real mothers place ever. Sorry to burst your bubble on that.

The simple fact that we chose to be involved upsets bm.

I would be upset too if some sloppy second was playing mommy with MY child. Have your own damn kid.

[Anonymous 1]

I've seen women like you before. You act like you have a prize in a man who wasn't careful enough not to reproduce with a woman he wasn't serious about or was just using for S*x. Probably why she didn't get in touch until now. He's not much of a man. You are playing mommy to a child that is not yours to spite a woman you are jealous of because she has a child by your husband. She got the best part of him. If this is for real but I doubt it.

Haha, that's funny.

[Anonymous 1]

YOU ARE NOT her REAL parent and are only a step parent. That's it and that's all you will ever be. I get the impression you are purposely trying to upset bm by pretending she is your real daughter. If you are a good stepmother, that is great. I hope you are, but, part of being a good step mother is knowing your place and always speaking positive of her mother. I hope you do and I hope you have no intentions of trying to take over as the her Mother, as that will never happen. Even if heaven forbid bm ever passed away for some reason, you still will always be the secondary parent as a step parent. No one can ever fill her real mothers place ever. Sorry to burst your bubble on that.

The simple fact that we chose to be involved upsets bm.

I would be upset too if some sloppy second was playing mommy with MY child. Have your own damn kid.

I will do what I want.

Bms feelings are her own she will have to cope.

[Anonymous 10]

There’s all different types families. As long as the child has been allowed to navigate and build her relationships with her dad as well as you without force or coercion on either of your parts, it’s just how your family is. Just at the same time remember she also has a mother who’s very much a part of her family too that also loves and cares for her.

[Anonymous 1]

There’s all different types families. As long as the child has been allowed to navigate and build her relationships with her dad as well as you without force or coercion on either of your parts, it’s just how your family is. Just at the same time remember she also has a mother who’s very much a part of her family too that also loves and cares for her.

Of course.

[Anonymous 1]

We've been missing a good old fashioned 'BM is the devil' post. I'll play:

You should plant drugs in BM's home and then steal her child, brainwash the kiddo, andwhen SD is 17 make her invite BM to her expensive wedding then the day before SD's wedding (to a 59 yrs old drug addict with 3 teeth and 21 children all w/ different baby mamas) have her call and uninvite BM. That will teach evil BM a lesson!

Nah, I'm not out to get bm.