DD’s boyfriend is a loser

[Anonymous 3]

Talia-mom!

[Anonymous 1]

Talia-mom!

What?

[Anonymous 4]

Lol, I’m not controlling nor emotionally abusive. But, nice try purporting to know what goes on in my family based on a single post with limited context. I have three other children who are all grown and wonderful, and I have no doubt she will be the same No need to get your panties in a twist.

Read the bold sentences above.
YOU are not F***ing this ugly out-of-shape broke ass gamer, your unintelligent adult dd is. You are the one with twisted panties not me, I dont really give a flying f**k about your trollish family
I suppose the odds are still in your favor, only 1 out of 4 is a loser f**k up about to throw her life away
~ shrugs ~

Missed the asshole anon 2 spot?
She goes to a great school and is an awesome student so the intelligence piece isn’t really an issue but thanks for your concern

No dear, you took that spot with this troll post

[Anonymous 1]

Read the bold sentences above.
YOU are not F***ing this ugly out-of-shape broke ass gamer, your unintelligent adult dd is. You are the one with twisted panties not me, I dont really give a flying f**k about your trollish family
I suppose the odds are still in your favor, only 1 out of 4 is a loser f**k up about to throw her life away
~ shrugs ~

Missed the asshole anon 2 spot?
She goes to a great school and is an awesome student so the intelligence piece isn’t really an issue but thanks for your concern

No dear, you took that spot with this troll post

Not a troll post at all, but you ladies think everything is. Carry on.

[Deleted User 1393]

wow

[Deleted User 638]

She's 19. I find it a little hard to believe she's abiding by your restrictions. She's an adult.

She might come to her senses but she has to learn that on her own while her Mom sits at the side-lines, saying and doing nothing. As long as he is not abusing her in any way, she needs to make the decision of WHO she allows in her life and doesn't need your input.

You never know...he might actually get his act together. It does happen and just takes some considerable growing up on the part of young people like him. That growing up doesn't always come automatically.

My house, my rules. She may not like it or agree with it but she lives here and no, she is not an adult. Maybe technically she is, but she’s not financially independent at all and still relies on us for all of her expenses so not quite an adult yet. Parents are supposed to guide their children. Hell, I still ask my mom for advice sometimes. I don’t just stop giving input when they reach a certain magical age. It is hard for teens to see clearly in a relationship that they are in. Much easier for an outside person to see what is going on.

I have her best intentions at heart. I don’t want her to end up in an undesirable situation. I want to see her have a successful and happy life with someone who is her equal and betters her, not someone she will have to support.

All your rules are doing is pushing her toward him. You've made it where she'll feel she has to stay with him to prove you wrong. You need to back off.

[Anonymous 7]

Much of what you mentioned on the lines of restricting them was when she was younger. I was wondering more about how you're restricting her now. So, basically, she asks to use the car to go to see her boyfriend and you sometimes tell her that she can't use the car? Can't she then just find a different transportation mode?

In what ways have you restricted their contact?

You can guide your kids. But you can't pick their friends or choose their partners.

What is your daughter studying at school?

Lastly, if she is as you say she is (ie: intelligent), she'll figure out what's best for herself.

Ugh. She could definitely be with someone a lot better. They’ve been “together” since high school, I’ve restricted their contact because I just don’t think it’s a good relationship. She’s 19 and in college now, he’s not- all he has is a high school diploma and he can’t hold down a job, he’s been fired from a few minimum wage jobs, he’s currently jobless, 22, and living at home. To me he just comes off as a lazy deadbeat. All he does is play video games.

He never has any money so she always pays for him when they do things. He’s unattractive and very out of shape. She’s attractive, fit, intelligent, has ambition, is going somewhere with her life. He treats her reasonably well, that’s all he’s got going, but nothing special or out of this world.

They just don’t go together and I’m so tired of this relationship. When will she wake up and realize she needs to find someone better. She won’t be satisfied with a life like he wants to lead. He is more than satisfied to work at a convenience store all his life. She is used to luxury, traveling abroad, vacations, you name it. It just doesn’t make sense to me. Ughhhhh. Rant over.

She is studying Digital Marketing and Advertising & IT.
They started dating when she was young so I didn’t allow them to go out much and if I did it would be in a group setting or to a public place. He isn’t allowed at our house and I pay for the car so she needs my permission to see him. He also just moved because his parents did so he doesn’t live near us anymore so they aren’t seeing each other at this point anyways.

[Anonymous 7]

I'm not going to tell you how to parent your young adult. But let me just share this story with you. Before I do, I want to say that I do agree with you that as parents our job of guiding them doesn't automatically stop once they reach the age of majority. But here's my story:

With every word you said below, you sound just like my mother sounded when interacting with my older sister with respect to the guy she was dating. "My house, my rules. Don't like it? There's the door." "I don't like this guy." "He's a loser." "You could do so much better." She listened to my mother speak ill of her boyfriend all throughout her college years. My sister didn't dare leave our home because she wanted the benefit of her college & many other things being fully funded by our parents. Continuing to live at home throughout her college years meant that my parents funded just about everything. So, she stayed.

Immediately after she graduated from college, she left home and married that guy. Though I always had a good relationship with my mom. My sister and my mother never did. My mom is now deceased. To this day, my sister still resents how "those days" affected their relationship for life.

You know your kids better than I do. You know what methods work best for your kids. You mentioned that you have great relationships with your other older children. I'm just hear to tell you that how this affects your relationship with one kid may not be exactly how it affects your relationship with another. Just food for thought.

My house, my rules. She may not like it or agree with it but she lives here and no, she is not an adult. Maybe technically she is, but she’s not financially independent at all and still relies on us for all of her expenses so not quite an adult yet. Parents are supposed to guide their children. Hell, I still ask my mom for advice sometimes. I don’t just stop giving input when they reach a certain magical age. It is hard for teens to see clearly in a relationship that they are in. Much easier for an outside person to see what is going on.

I've been a Mom of three now for nearly 34 years and our youngest child is 22. So no, it's not really a matter of ME stating what I have as an "outsider" necessarily. I have been in those young adult trenches with a child as you are now in some respects.

The "my house, my rules" thing can find her moving out with "loser boyfriend" (even into the home he shares with his parent's) very quickly so that is something you might want to consider.

Legally, she IS an adult so legally, while you can push your own rules on her (including manipulative ones), she can decide to tell you she's had enough and she'll keep in touch.

Guiding is one thing, especially when they're minors. But once a child reaches legal adulthood, it's a matter of no longer hovering, and learning to sit by the side-lines as they make achievements and mistakes in life.

Advice is not the same as restrictions.

I strongly urge you to really stop and think about the potential damage you could be doing to your relationship with her. Right now, she is not going to care that you don't like her boyfriend. At her age, this will only make her like him even more.

Money or no money, if push comes to shove, she will leave and legally can.

Again, just some things to consider.

I have three wonderful, grown kids who all turned out fine. I didn’t scare them all off, lol.

If she wanted to leave, she’d be doing herself a big disservice. Neither of them have any money of their own. We pay for her tuition, room and board, textbooks, medical expenses and medications, phone bill, food, bought her a car, car insurance, go on nice vacations, etc. So that wouldn’t work out too much in her favor and trust me she knows it.

[Deleted User 203]

My house, my rules. She may not like it or agree with it but she lives here and no, she is not an adult. Maybe technically she is, but she’s not financially independent at all and still relies on us for all of her expenses so not quite an adult yet. Parents are supposed to guide their children. Hell, I still ask my mom for advice sometimes. I don’t just stop giving input when they reach a certain magical age. It is hard for teens to see clearly in a relationship that they are in. Much easier for an outside person to see what is going on.

I've been a Mom of three now for nearly 34 years and our youngest child is 22. So no, it's not really a matter of ME stating what I have as an "outsider" necessarily. I have been in those young adult trenches with a child as you are now in some respects.

The "my house, my rules" thing can find her moving out with "loser boyfriend" (even into the home he shares with his parent's) very quickly so that is something you might want to consider.

Legally, she IS an adult so legally, while you can push your own rules on her (including manipulative ones), she can decide to tell you she's had enough and she'll keep in touch.

Guiding is one thing, especially when they're minors. But once a child reaches legal adulthood, it's a matter of no longer hovering, and learning to sit by the side-lines as they make achievements and mistakes in life.

Advice is not the same as restrictions.

I strongly urge you to really stop and think about the potential damage you could be doing to your relationship with her. Right now, she is not going to care that you don't like her boyfriend. At her age, this will only make her like him even more.

Money or no money, if push comes to shove, she will leave and legally can.

Again, just some things to consider.

I have three wonderful, grown kids who all turned out fine. I didn’t scare them all off, lol.

If she wanted to leave, she’d be doing herself a big disservice. Neither of them have any money of their own. We pay for her tuition, room and board, textbooks, medical expenses and medications, phone bill, food, bought her a car, car insurance, go on nice vacations, etc. So that wouldn’t work out too much in her favor and trust me she knows it.

And sometimes at her/their ages, the perks of having the parent's still pay for everything they need is overruled by the love that is currently felt for him/one another.

Kind of we can live on love and every other bad country song out there about young love. It's romantic to be in the skids of life for a lot of young couples. A pulling up of their collective bootstraps type of things together. "Us against the world."

Don't sell her short. Right now and apparently for a few years, she's been in-love with him. She might find the dangling of the financial carrots you're essentially saying you put in front of her no longer enticing or worth giving HIM up for.

Being overly confident about your position right now with her financially and because you feel she knows where the getting is good can potentially find you shocked and with egg on your face.

Cut them both some slack. This might easily burn itself out but it won't if you keep danging those carrots and putting restrictions on their relationship.

[Anonymous 3]

are u a conservative christian?