She accused me of attacking her

[Guest]

My SIL and I are very different people. I married DH out of high school and we started a family rather young. SIL had her first at 36.
She came over from DS's farewell party because he is moving across the country to finish his Doctorates. She told DS in front of a room full of people she hopes he has the good common sense to wait before having kids so he wouldn't have to miss out on the fun things in life. I interrupted her and asked her "Like what? What fun things will he be missing out on? I hope he finishes his degree and pursues his dreams, but how is having a family going to cause him to miss out on fun things?" She left after that.
She called later to tell me I embarrassed her and attacked her for trying to give her nephew good advice and I knew exactly what she talking about.
I am sorry but not everyone wants to party their late teens early 20s away. Neither dh or I are into social scenes, partying or drinking.
In high school I wanted to be teacher and got my associates in early childhood development while being dual enrolled. After I had my first at 19 I realized I did not want to be a teacher or own an in home daycare because parents suck and kids get you sick. I decided to not pursue that career path any further. DH and I have had a lot of fun over the years. We took the kids to 49 states, Mexico and Canada over years. We gifted each of our older kids two week vacations to Hawaii and our next child to go off to college wants to go to Japan.
If anything, I feel SIL was trying to attack our life choices in a passive aggressive way to our kid in front of everyone else.

[Deleted User 172]

You did sort of attack her. She was rude but you still kinda attacked her.

[Canadiana]

It honestly sounds like you came off pretty defensive. Like if you know you've travelled and got to see things while having kids young why would her comment really bother you?

Is it possible your husband has vented to her about regrets? Because barring other drama that's kind of what it sounds like.

[Guest]

I miss the days when people could have differences of opinion without being labeled the aggressor or the victim.

[Guest]

You did sort of attack her. She was rude but you still kinda attacked her.

I asked her what she meant by it. If she was going to say something like that in front of my family, I think DS should know exactly what she is talking about.

[Deleted User 172]

You did sort of attack her. She was rude but you still kinda attacked her.

I asked her what she meant by it. If she was going to say something like that in front of my family, I think DS should know exactly what she is talking about.

And you did it in an attacky sort of way. If it's in front of family then I'm assuming they know you've been to 49 states and had a great life.
So why does it really matter? So what she thinks she did things right. What the reality is is that both of you had great lives and dont regret it.
What state haven't you been to? I'm really curious about that.

[Guest]

Insecurities or arrogance?

[Guest]

It honestly sounds like you came off pretty defensive. Like if you know you've travelled and got to see things while having kids young why would her comment really bother you?

Is it possible your husband has vented to her about regrets? Because barring other drama that's kind of what it sounds like.

If she had pulled him aside and said that to him while they were alone, I would had never known. But she said it to him in front of everyone including our family and my other kids. If she can say that in front of everyone she should have good examples.
My DH is the one who wanted to start having children young and he never talks to SIL unless he absolutely has to. His only regret was messing his knee up and not being able to become a navy seal. He recently brought up the idea of us becoming foster parents since our kids are getting older and starting to move out the house.

[Momto2boys973]

Well... you sort of did. You took her comment to be passive aggressive, and maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. But you went all defensive on her and there wasn’t a need for that. Maybe you should think why you felt the need to defend your choices in such a hostile manner.

[Guest]

You did sort of attack her. She was rude but you still kinda attacked her.

I asked her what she meant by it. If she was going to say something like that in front of my family, I think DS should know exactly what she is talking about.

And you did it in an attacky sort of way. If it's in front of family then I'm assuming they know you've been to 49 states and had a great life.
So why does it really matter? So what she thinks she did things right. What the reality is is that both of you had great lives and dont regret it.
What state haven't you been to? I'm really curious about that.

Hawaii. I have a fear of planes and ships. One day I will go when the kids are much older but it wouldn't be fair to DH for me to be sedated while and him dealing with kids LOL
I was more peeved that she said that to my kid in front of my other kids. DH just told me, one of the kids did ask him if we regretted having kids and DH told him no.