I guess I am a bully

[CherryTreez]

We were at my parents. My youngest son loves sports.. Football, baseball, soccer, basketball, wrestling. His brother, uncles, grandpa all wrestled. He grew up at wrestling meets. He has been wrestling since kindergarten and they had him up against 3rd graders. He pinned them in seconds. He is 60 pounds and tossed a 90 pounder. My sister has a son that is very similar. They are 6 months apart and will wrestling until one can't. Take a break and go back to it. It pretty funny to watch.

Well my niece has a boy close in age. He is not athletic. He is not into physical stuff. Well he tried to wrestle with the boys. He got pinned and started crying. He asked me to ask them to play softer. I told him no. They are wrestling and that is how wrestling is. He could go play with the other kids if he didn't like how they were playing.

There were 7 other kids to play with. (Really big extended family) Well he went and got his mom and grandma to make me make the boys wrestling nicer. I laughed at them. I tried really hard not too. I said that if he can't take how they wrestle then, he should go play with the girls. I was then asked to make them stop wrestling since he couldn't do it. I said no. My neice then using her big girl words told me that I was being a bully and teaching my kid to be a bully. She was raising her child to be nice and inclusive. He used his words to ask and she couldn't believe that I would not help him.

We are 10 years apart in age. She was raised at my parents house. She has very different ideas on parents and life than I do.

So am I a bully for not making them stop wrestling because one kid is too soft to handle it? I don't believe in making people stop doing hard things simply because you can't do them.

[RIZZY]

So, you laughed at a little boy and told him to go play with the girls?

[CherryTreez]

So, you laughed at a little boy and told him to go play with the girls?

No I laughed at his mom and grandma.

The other cousins that were there were girls. So yes, go play with the girls. They were doing the stuff that he wanted to do as well.

We don't have many boys in the family. It's less than a quarter are boys. So there are lots of girls around to play with. My older son often played with his girl cousins.

[AZOldGal66]

Just your overall perspective on this and how you've written the way you feel about it is personally rubbing me the wrong way.

I'll be honest...yeah, you were a bully about this.

[Anonymous 1]

You're raising a jerk.

[highlandmum]

I have a competitive boy and he will pull back when he goes to play hockey with players who are not as skilled as him. It is not fun to have one or two players that can dominate the game. He has gone where they will decide to play contact, he could seriously hurt someone if he goes full out. He know full well that he needs to tone it down a bit when he plays with players like this, as he could control the entire game and it does not make if fun for him or the other players.

Now when he goes out with his team to play pick up he goes full out, as he knows they have the same skill set as him. So yeah, sometimes you need to pull back a little when the person is not as strong as you. What difference does it make as it is for fun.

He has been told by teammates and friends who play on other teams that going into him is like running into a brick wall at mach 1 speed. If he goes into a unskilled, smaller player he is probably going to injure the person and my son does not want that to happen. Even in his league he feels bad when he has hurt someone with his shot or a legal check.

[CherryTreez]

You're raising a jerk.

How is he a jerk? Because he was wrestling with his cousin? They both are in wrestling clubs and do meets. They are very similar in size and they love it. They don't get to see each a lot. So when they do, they wrestle because they love it.
If they were not wrestling, they would be playing football or basketball or soccer. The girls will play soccer with them. Pretty much if the boys are together, they are playing some kind of sport. They both have sisters around their ages and love to have a boy that plays like they do.

They were not going to stop playing to go do crafts or play video games. They like being active.

[Olioxenfree]

He isn’t “too soft to handle it”, they have been wrestling since they were in kindergarten and he has never done it, that’s not “soft” that’s an unfair match. All of my kids have been in martial arts since they were toddlers. They are skilled. My sisters kids haven’t been doing it for as long and aren’t as skilled, they will still play spar with them and show them techniques. They also know 100% that play sparing with their cousins is not a competition and they need to play to their opponents abilities. They are not to take down their cousin and potentially injure them just because they can.

Same with other sports, I have one son who is very good at soccer and plays on a travel team, but when he’s just playing with his friends and siblings around the yard he knows to tone it down. That doesn’t mean losing on purpose or that he can’t play well, but he also knows to keep it fun for everyone and not to hog the ball and ruin everyone else’s time just because he has more experience. Going full force on someone who isn’t an equal match while playing is horrible sportsmanship. The way you responded reminds me of how my father in law used to treat my husband and his siblings and there’s a reason why he has a bad relationship with most of his kids.

[Anonymous 2]

You are absolutely a bully. My son hates wrestling and always has and I'd be furious if you laughed at him and told him to go play with the girls then. It's a sensory thing for him and he wasn't athletic until his teenage years.
A more appropriate thing to do would be to call your son over and remind him to go easy on him because he's new to wrestling. I'd suggest he teach him some moves and help him out instead of going full out against him. Or let him be a ref or something so he can be included with the boys without wrestling that hard. Are you afraid your son will learn to be kind and compassionate towards others? That he will learn to be a good teammate and build others up instead of dominating? You're exactly the type of person I avoid when it comes to sports.

[RIZZY]

So, you laughed at a little boy and told him to go play with the girls?

No I laughed at his mom and grandma.

The other cousins that were there were girls. So yes, go play with the girls. They were doing the stuff that he wanted to do as well.

We don't have many boys in the family. It's less than a quarter are boys. So there are lots of girls around to play with. My older son often played with his girl cousins.

Now you know damn well that's not why you said to go play with the girls. GTFOH with that bullshit, disingenuous, probably can't even be honest with yourself.

There's something about the boy you don't like and you can't put your finger on it, ain't it?