Would you say something? Or just let the actions speak?

[Anonymous 1]

My kiddo dances competitively. Her studio in previous years had “Senior Elite” “ Senior Prime” and “Senior Show”. The same levels are used for Junior, Intermediate, and mini teams except the mini team doesn’t have elite.

Last year my kiddo and a few others were on elite. This year about half of them were bumped down to prime after a few new girls joined. Basically, based on reputation, the new girls were given elite spots.

In 3/4 of the last competition, the prime girls have seriously outscored the elite girls. The first competition, there was a point deduction for having them dance down and they still outscored the elite girls.

The girls on the elite team seem to try and get by on reputation. They are super bitchy to others. In previous years, the elite seniors were responsible for making sure everyone else was stretched and ready to go, organizing get together, and some other random stuff. This year, the prime seniors have been doing it all because the elites refuse.

Yesterday, the studio owner made a big deal about how great the new girls have been and how seriously they take their responsibilities.

The prime girls want to stop doing everything so the owner can see the elite girls have no clue.

I think they need to tell the owner they have been doing it all. Others think they should just stop and let shit fall apart

[sarah824]

I think they should stop doing the work of the elite girls and let the owner see what happens. I feel like if they try to tell the owner that they have been the ones doing it then the elite girls can argue that they have been doing it and then it becomes a matter of who the owner chooses to believe and from the sounds of it they would take the side of the elite girls.

[Olioxenfree]

I would have my kid talk to the instructor or owner. We use extra curriculars as a way for our kids to practice professional behavior. A couple of weeks ago a coworker didn’t like something that their manager instructed them to do, so they just didn’t do it and received disciplinary action for both insubordination and safety, as it resulted in a negative consequence for the department. If they had gone to the manager and discussed why they didnt feel they should have to do it, it likely would have ended differently. If I ask my child to do a chore and they feel they shouldn’t have to, they talk to me about it, they don’t just not do it. Communication skills are important and are necessary for getting insight and forming the best decisions.

I would help my child practice what they are going to say owner. I usually practice with the format of this is the problem, this is why it is a problem, and this is a potential solution. I also help to prepare them with the chance that they might end up being told no, even if they feel they are genuinely in the right. At the end of the day the owner or instructor might say they’ve decided the elite girls shouldn’t have to help and it’s their company, they get to make that choice even if it isn’t fair. Then my child would need to make the decision for how they would want to respond. If it’s something they just do for fun they can decide if it’s worth it or not to them. If they do it for an end goal of advancement, they would need to look at their options.

This might also be a good opportunity to discuss with the owner the opportunities for advancement. I always suggest to my kids that they go in with request for clarifications, not demands or accusations. The owner/instructor might have information and factors that they don’t see. My son plays a sport and was passed up to move on to the higher divisions for teammates who consistently underperformed him and some of his other teammates. He went to the coach with the data of his performance vs teammates and asked when he would be given the opportunity for advancement as well or if there were other factors. It basically came down to the teammates who were advanced had parents who had donated either large amounts of time or money toward the program. If my son were just playing for fun he might have not cared and just continued, but because he wants to use this sport as a potential scholarship opportunity for college in the future, he decided to switch teams. That may or may not be an option for your daughter.

[AZOldGal66]

How old are these kid's?

If they're very young, I'd speak up. However, if they're older and in their teens, I would sit back and let them take the lead on how to handle this.

[highlandmum]

Some of this should be the teachers responsibility. When my DD's were on the senior team they did not have time to worry about if another group was stretched, warmed up and ready to go. This depended on the age, younger and it was the teacher of the group, older it was either the teacher or the group themselves.

As for the get-togethers that I would just tell my DD to not bother and let the chips fall. When nothing happens then the Studio Owner will ask the Elite group why nothing is happening and then they will need to answer to this.

[Baconqueen13]

I find in the world of competitive dance or sports, or anything really, all it does is bring out the bitchiness and petty ass motives of everyone. I would not have my kid enrolled in an activity that encourages such behaviors while claiming to be a "team oriented" sport. But that's just me and I don't like competitive bullshit as it takes the fun out of the activity. If I want competition I'll join a math or science league.

[Anonymous 2]

I wouldn't want my kid on a team with girls who act like that. My daughter dances but we've worked hard to find a studio where the girls work together and support each other instead of putting others down. It just isn't worth it and it isn't the environment I want my daughter in.

[LiveWhatULove]

How old is your daughter? Has she talked to the coach/owner about the situation?