Am I a Horrible Sister if..

[MonarchMom]

IMO going to the first wedding has nothing to do with this. Not wanting to buy a dress or give a speech is also irrelevant. Just don't do those things.

Your decision will impact the future relationship you have with your brother and his family. If you want to have the opportunity to continue or possible improve the relationship, then show up on this important day in his life.

Well I sure as hell couldn't go in jeans.

Totally understand not wanting to invest in "formal wear" but I think there are quite a few other choices. Plain black slacks and a nice top is not unusual to see at weddings. Thrift stores have racks of fancy dresses for low cost as they generally don't get much wear. Facebook and Nextdoor have folks selling dress clothes frequently for the same reason. I recently borrowed a beaded sweater to wear with linen dress slacks for a wedding, and I doubt anyone even noticed what I had on anyway. Wedding attire is much more casual these days and lot's of women wear slacks.

Bottom line - your brother seems to want you there. If you choose not to go that will be noticed. What you wear, not so much.

[Anonymous 1]

Well I sure as hell couldn't go in jeans.

She didn’t say wear jeans, there are plenty of women’s formal pants…

I'm guessing OP means that she doesn't have any appropriate formal wear and would have to shop for something to wear regardless of what it is. And I get it. When our niece got married I had to shop for formal wear for myself and two teen boys because we had nothing appropriate and I agree, the shopping was horrible.

Thank you.

[Anonymous 1]

IMO going to the first wedding has nothing to do with this. Not wanting to buy a dress or give a speech is also irrelevant. Just don't do those things.

Your decision will impact the future relationship you have with your brother and his family. If you want to have the opportunity to continue or possible improve the relationship, then show up on this important day in his life.

Well I sure as hell couldn't go in jeans.

Totally understand not wanting to invest in "formal wear" but I think there are quite a few other choices. Plain black slacks and a nice top is not unusual to see at weddings. Thrift stores have racks of fancy dresses for low cost as they generally don't get much wear. Facebook and Nextdoor have folks selling dress clothes frequently for the same reason. I recently borrowed a beaded sweater to wear with linen dress slacks for a wedding, and I doubt anyone even noticed what I had on anyway. Wedding attire is much more casual these days and lot's of women wear slacks.

Bottom line - your brother seems to want you there. If you choose not to go that will be noticed. What you wear, not so much.

Thanks for this. I had no idea. I don't really do social outings so I don't know the "rules".

[Olioxenfree]

Well I sure as hell couldn't go in jeans.

She didn’t say wear jeans, there are plenty of women’s formal pants…

I'm guessing OP means that she doesn't have any appropriate formal wear and would have to shop for something to wear regardless of what it is. And I get it. When our niece got married I had to shop for formal wear for myself and two teen boys because we had nothing appropriate and I agree, the shopping was horrible.

Okay, she specifically said dresses or jeans. There’s a lot of in between. We recently went to a wedding and I found something at the local goodwill for $15. There are options out there if someone just doesn’t like wearing dresses.

[jas]

Yes. Find a way to go and support your bother. jmo

[SouthernIslander]

IMO going to the first wedding has nothing to do with this. Not wanting to buy a dress or give a speech is also irrelevant. Just don't do those things.

Your decision will impact the future relationship you have with your brother and his family. If you want to have the opportunity to continue or possible improve the relationship, then show up on this important day in his life.

Well I sure as hell couldn't go in jeans.

Totally understand not wanting to invest in "formal wear" but I think there are quite a few other choices. Plain black slacks and a nice top is not unusual to see at weddings. Thrift stores have racks of fancy dresses for low cost as they generally don't get much wear. Facebook and Nextdoor have folks selling dress clothes frequently for the same reason. I recently borrowed a beaded sweater to wear with linen dress slacks for a wedding, and I doubt anyone even noticed what I had on anyway. Wedding attire is much more casual these days and lot's of women wear slacks.

Bottom line - your brother seems to want you there. If you choose not to go that will be noticed. What you wear, not so much.

I agree. Black slacks or suit with a nice top is acceptable for a lot of formal events.

[PoplarGrove]

If you lived in the same state I might say, ya, go find something to wear and go. But it sounds like you'd have to take time off work, book a flight, maybe book a hotel and go find something to wear which is a bit more than just finding and outfit (and since I've been in literal tears in dressing rooms looking for an outfit to wear to a wedding I know it sometimes isn't as easy as "just finding" something).

I personally wouldn't expect one of my siblings to fly across the country for my second wedding if I already only speak to them twice a year. That's a pretty big expense for an event where you'd probably only get to interact for 20 minutes.

[RIZZY]

Not everyone can make it to every important event they're invited to. I would send a large gift and a well written letter explaining how overjoyed I was for him.