Am I a Horrible Sister if..

[Anonymous 1]

Am I horrible sister if I don't go to my brother's (second) wedding? ....Workwise I don't even know if the time is do-able, and I live on the other side of the country anyway. I'm not a big fan of weddings and that, and the thought of shopping for a dress just sounds like a miserable headache if I WERE to go. And then after talking to my mom, I looked up "sister of the groom" and found I might have to make a speech if I'm there (and that's NOT happening.) Ugh.

I went to his first (informal) wedding years and years ago. Is it horrible if I don't go to this?

PS We aren't particularly close. My brother and I talk on the phone maybe twice a year. I hear any info mainly from my mom and dad. I don't go and visit my family that often as it is (I've been twice in 10 years, and just went last year.)


What say ye?

[mater-three]

I’d go. Tell brother you aren’t making a speech.

[MonarchMom]

IMO going to the first wedding has nothing to do with this. Not wanting to buy a dress or give a speech is also irrelevant. Just don't do those things.

Your decision will impact the future relationship you have with your brother and his family. If you want to have the opportunity to continue or possible improve the relationship, then show up on this important day in his life.

[Baconqueen13]

I never went to my elder sister's second wedding. I told her early on that if she had her wedding when she planned i wouldnt be able to attend because the timing interfered with things like school for the kids etc. She is now divorced for a second time.

[LuckyEightWow]

Just let your brother know that it won’t be feasible because of work, maybe someone can live stream it for you (that’s what we did at my daughters wedding for those who couldn’t make it, and send a nice card and gift.

[Anonymous 1]

IMO going to the first wedding has nothing to do with this. Not wanting to buy a dress or give a speech is also irrelevant. Just don't do those things.

Your decision will impact the future relationship you have with your brother and his family. If you want to have the opportunity to continue or possible improve the relationship, then show up on this important day in his life.

Well I sure as hell couldn't go in jeans.

[Anonymous 1]

Just let your brother know that it won’t be feasible because of work, maybe someone can live stream it for you (that’s what we did at my daughters wedding for those who couldn’t make it, and send a nice card and gift.

The live stream thing is an idea, but not sure if that'll work with the time difference.

[Olioxenfree]

IMO going to the first wedding has nothing to do with this. Not wanting to buy a dress or give a speech is also irrelevant. Just don't do those things.

Your decision will impact the future relationship you have with your brother and his family. If you want to have the opportunity to continue or possible improve the relationship, then show up on this important day in his life.

Well I sure as hell couldn't go in jeans.

She didn’t say wear jeans, there are plenty of women’s formal pants…

[Traci_Momof2]

IMO going to the first wedding has nothing to do with this. Not wanting to buy a dress or give a speech is also irrelevant. Just don't do those things.

Your decision will impact the future relationship you have with your brother and his family. If you want to have the opportunity to continue or possible improve the relationship, then show up on this important day in his life.

Well I sure as hell couldn't go in jeans.

She didn’t say wear jeans, there are plenty of women’s formal pants…

I'm guessing OP means that she doesn't have any appropriate formal wear and would have to shop for something to wear regardless of what it is. And I get it. When our niece got married I had to shop for formal wear for myself and two teen boys because we had nothing appropriate and I agree, the shopping was horrible.

[Olioxenfree]

You know your family better than we do, so if there’s any background information that would cause estrangement, that’s a factor. We didn’t go to one of my brother in laws wedding, we had ended contact after abusive behaviors that he had started turning toward our children.

But outside of extreme circumstances such as prior abuse, I would make every effort to go. Going to his first wedding has nothing to do with his current spouse. This could honestly be a determining factor in your future relationship with your family, especially if you’ve only visited them twice in the past ten years. If you would lose your job by going and end up on the streets, yes that’s a valid reason and I would discuss that with them. But weddings are usually scheduled a decent time ahead that you should be able to get the time off for a direct family members wedding. There are plenty of formal wear options for women besides dresses and you can just say that you aren’t comfortable with public speaking, though I wouldn’t assume he would ask you to make a speech if you aren’t super close so you might not have to even have that conversation. This is a major day in your brothers life, putting aside some discomfort that isn’t going to hurt you to be there for your family can mean a lot to others. Basically, it would be pretty horrible not to go if you are able to, but it’s up to you how much you care about them thinking what you did was horrible.