How do people survive the teen years?

[mrsmacgiver]

My daughter has a history of trauma from her bio dad, so I know she is not your average kid. She's more rebellious than most kids. But seriously, I can hardly take this any more. We're all in therapy and we've come so far. We're communicating so well. She's doing so well in school, always has. We've relaxed a lot as parents and learned which battles we care to pick. She and I get a long really well now and she talks to me and confides in me. So whyyyyy is she still so rebellious and sneaky?

We're at the point that we have cameras outside and inside our house. I planted thorny bushes under all of our windows. We have markers on the windows so we can tell if they've been opened or not. We are pro active and make sure she gets to have a social life and see her friends plenty so she's not having to sneak around. I rarely sleep because I'm constantly worried about her sneaking out or doing something she's not supposed to be doing. I lay awake at night, listening to every creak and bump and I must get out of bed 10 times a night to check on her.

And now my step daughter has moved in with us, which I welcome, but it turns out she was suicidal and her mom didn't know. So now she's in therapy and possibly going on meds. They gave us a safety plan and we ended up having to put locks on the laundry room door and medicine cabinet and my house feels like a F***ing jail sometimes.

Our youngest, my son, is 13. He's not doing any of this yet. And IDK if my heart can take it if he does. These kids are so loved. And we provide for them. We go to therapy, we work on our own issues. Breaking generational cycles and all that.

I just know someone is going to bash me for this but I had to get it out before I go to an early grave.

[Anonymous 1]

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Thankfully my son seems to have gotten his difficult, rebellious side done with before he hit the teenage years. He was a very tough kid but is proving to be an amazing teenager. I really don't know what I'd do in your situation. It sounds like you're doing your very best though and sometimes that's all you can do.

[mommy_jules]

(((Hugs))) My kids aren’t teens yet, so I’m not quite sure how people survive those years. It sounds like you are doing your best, though.

[Inmybizz]

Sorry you are going through a hard time.. My daughter is 17.. She didn’t go through a rebellious stage…she is navigating the relationships stage(boyfriend/friends). How to deal with others and set boundaries.

[carterscutie85]

When my sister was sneaking out it was 100% a rebellion against our Mom. For example my Mom would never in million years have allowed us to go to a party. So my sister snuck out instead. Same with having S*x. She was absolutely obsessed with keeping us virgins till marriage. My sister rebelled and came home pregnant at 15. I think had my Mom gotten her on birth control (she never in her wildest dreams would have) and trusted us to make good decisions maybe things would have been different.

[Traci_Momof2]

I'm sorry you are going through all of that. It sounds like a lot to handle, more than anyone should have to. Do you have your own support system? Someone who is removed from it all that you can just go and talk to about it?

Luckily my teens aren't too bad. My DS17 is pushing the "I can do my own thing" more and more but at least it's not in a dangerous way. Just an annoying way. But when DS17 pushes, DH pushes back and they go head to head. They have very similar strong-willed personalities so they will clash. Whereas DS14 and myself are much more easy-going so we usually go with the flow. But I hate dealing with it when DS17 and DH are clashing because I feel caught in the middle.

Good luck to you and don't forget to take time for yourself. You deserve it.

[Pjmm]

Maybe give her opportunity to earn your trust? Say she doesn’t try to sneak out for a period of time you’ll allow her a privilege. Like in rehabs where people earn privileges? Idk my sons aren’t rebels. Actually they were worse as pre-teens. But posting my rules and expectations on the refrigerator really helped along with privilege they can earn helped. It’s hard but it sounds like you’re on the right track. And this won’t last forever.

[hotspice58]

I am with you. I adopted my kids from foster care. My now 21 yo was always a rebel and he’s facing his consequences. My oldest was a rebel until his senior year. My 20 yo was a sweet kid until he reached 14. The rebellious stage kicked in. I am with you in spirit. Take time for yourself.

[Anonymous 2]

just breath. I went through the sneakiness and suicidal stuff with my oldest. I went through everything you are dealing with and it is hell. there were times I didn't think I would survive but I did. I can't say I was sad when she moved out it was relieved . my son didn't do any of that and I am thankful that with him I had easier time.

[LiveWhatULove]

My colleague told me teens make a "huge mess in their nest" so parents are A-OK with them leaving that nest, LOL.

Like others, I am really bummed you have to suffer through all this. It sounds crazy stressful.

My oldest is only 14, so I cannot relate to teens, but I can relate to living with emotional chaos and discomfort constantly in the home due to behaviors of a child. It is really hard, and I am glad you vented here and hope you are finding a bit of support. *hugs*