Can't seem to get past it.
I've started dreaming about my brother again. In my dreams, he looks no different from the way I remember him when he died. Emaciated, like pictures you see of the very sick or starving in Africa. One dream woke me up at 2am and it was 8 or 9am before I could go back to sleep. I wish I could stop remembering all the horrible stuff the last month before his death. The anniversary of his death is coming up next month. I'm sure that has a lot to do with it.
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Big hugs to you. I also lost my brother 5 months ago this Saturday It’s still surreal to me, I can’t even delete our WhatsApp conversation, I’m thinking I’ll never will.
pinkbutterfly66 wrote: ↑Thu Sep 27, 2018 10:35 pm I've started dreaming about my brother again. In my dreams, he looks no different from the way I remember him when he died. Emaciated, like pictures you see of the very sick or starving in Africa. One dream woke me up at 2am and it was 8 or 9am before I could go back to sleep. I wish I could stop remembering all the horrible stuff the last month before his death. The anniversary of his death is coming up next month. I'm sure that has a lot to do with it.
עמ׳ ישראל חי
Bring Them Home
Bring Them Home
Thanks. I am still reminded of him and my loss almost daily. I'll find myself tearing up in the grocery store quite often. I never had a chance to talk to him about end of life stuff because my job was to help him heal and that was what I was focused on. His death caught me by surprise. He was back in the hospital because of an infection and we found out the cancer spread and he just went downhill fast. I thought he'd bounce back but his body was just too weak.Momto2boys973 wrote: ↑Thu Jan 10, 2019 3:09 pm Big hugs to you. I also lost my brother 5 months ago this Saturday It’s still surreal to me, I can’t even delete our WhatsApp conversation, I’m thinking I’ll never will.
pinkbutterfly66 wrote: ↑Thu Sep 27, 2018 10:35 pm I've started dreaming about my brother again. In my dreams, he looks no different from the way I remember him when he died. Emaciated, like pictures you see of the very sick or starving in Africa. One dream woke me up at 2am and it was 8 or 9am before I could go back to sleep. I wish I could stop remembering all the horrible stuff the last month before his death. The anniversary of his death is coming up next month. I'm sure that has a lot to do with it.
I was his caregiver. He lived with me while he was being treated. I drove him to his appointments and camped out in his room when he was in the hospital. I held his hand as he slipped away. We hadn't talked to each other or seen each other in a year or more prior to him getting sick and me getting the call from my sister that he was in the hospital with cancer. So I think its just those last memories and those last 6 months were hard for me.
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Maybe it's time to release the trauma Pink. You are still carrying it with you. Such a huge loss when a parent or sibling passes. XOXO. You really stepped up when he and your family needed it the most. Namaste.pinkbutterfly66 wrote: ↑Thu Jan 10, 2019 6:31 pmI was his caregiver. He lived with me while he was being treated. I drove him to his appointments and camped out in his room when he was in the hospital. I held his hand as he slipped away. We hadn't talked to each other or seen each other in a year or more prior to him getting sick and me getting the call from my sister that he was in the hospital with cancer. So I think its just those last memories and those last 6 months were hard for me.
Yes, I am traumatized. Releasing it is another matter altogether. It will take time. We were very close as children. I was six years older than him. It was my bed that he climbed into when he had a bad dream. When he was four, he asked me to wait for him to grow up so he could marry me. In the end, I was taking care of him just like I did when he was a little boy. I bathed him, dressed him, fed him.Lotus wrote: ↑Fri Jan 11, 2019 8:49 amMaybe it's time to release the trauma Pink. You are still carrying it with you. Such a huge loss when a parent or sibling passes. XOXO. You really stepped up when he and your family needed it the most. Namaste.pinkbutterfly66 wrote: ↑Thu Jan 10, 2019 6:31 pmI was his caregiver. He lived with me while he was being treated. I drove him to his appointments and camped out in his room when he was in the hospital. I held his hand as he slipped away. We hadn't talked to each other or seen each other in a year or more prior to him getting sick and me getting the call from my sister that he was in the hospital with cancer. So I think its just those last memories and those last 6 months were hard for me.
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It sounds like a very special bond. I am so sorry for your loss. In the end, all you can do is honor the process by honoring your emotions. Thank you for sharing your story.pinkbutterfly66 wrote: ↑Fri Jan 11, 2019 2:56 pmYes, I am traumatized. Releasing it is another matter altogether. It will take time. We were very close as children. I was six years older than him. It was my bed that he climbed into when he had a bad dream. When he was four, he asked me to wait for him to grow up so he could marry me. In the end, I was taking care of him just like I did when he was a little boy. I bathed him, dressed him, fed him.Lotus wrote: ↑Fri Jan 11, 2019 8:49 amMaybe it's time to release the trauma Pink. You are still carrying it with you. Such a huge loss when a parent or sibling passes. XOXO. You really stepped up when he and your family needed it the most. Namaste.pinkbutterfly66 wrote: ↑Thu Jan 10, 2019 6:31 pm
I was his caregiver. He lived with me while he was being treated. I drove him to his appointments and camped out in his room when he was in the hospital. I held his hand as he slipped away. We hadn't talked to each other or seen each other in a year or more prior to him getting sick and me getting the call from my sister that he was in the hospital with cancer. So I think its just those last memories and those last 6 months were hard for me.