I'm having trouble thinking of something. And I've definitely never yelled about it. I've never yelled at anyone. I've even only at most raised my voice at DH, not even done that much to anyone else. But I internalize a lot and maybe that's my thing. If I had been the daughter and had trouble seeing the hat on another man, at most I would've just gotten up and left in silence.Bubbs wrote: ↑Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:04 pmMaybe she didn't even think about the hat and when she saw it on someone else it brought up unforeseen and unresolved issues. You have never had an unforeseen irrational reaction to something, unexpected? Maybe neither party thought it would be emotional until it was. Yelling, probably not the correct route, but emotions are not always rational especially in the moment. An argument happens and maybe once emotions have calmed down, they can talk about it rationally. I've learned that trauma can bring out irrational reactions in people. And maybe some empathy will go a long way.Traci_Momof2 wrote: ↑Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:40 amBut your grandfather's hat presumably belongs to you and you get to control what does and does not happen to it.Bubbs wrote: ↑Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:33 am
I have my grandfathers hat hanging in my living room. He’s been gone 8 years. I have dealt with my loss, but I would be upset if someone was wearing it. (I wouldn’t scream, but that’s not my personality) and most time no one has the right to scream, but they do.
In the OP's story the hat presumably belongs to the woman and she gets to control what does and does not happen to it. The hat does not belong to the daughter and therefore she does not get to control what happens with it. She needs to learn to live with that. The woman wants her new beau to wear it while he suffers the same disease and that is completely the woman's choice to make. Not the daughter's.
Maybe the moral of the story is don't put all your emotional eggs into a basket you have no control over.
But either way, if I were the mom there is no way I would just stand there and let my daughter yell at me for doing nothing wrong.