My ex tries to ruin things when I date.

[LiveWhatULove]

"Empath" seems to be the trendy new thing where I am. And also doesnt seem to be an accurate description of anyone who's claimed the label that I know.

I did a thesis on this subject one year.
It's usually said by someone who needs to feel special or different in some way.
It often accompanies one or more mental illnesses.
Less than 2 percent of the population would meet the criteria of being an empath.
The chances of her and her sister both being empaths, is undoubtedly astronomical.
People often confuse being empathetic or highly sensitive with being an empath.
They are not at all the same thing.
Also, I wish she what answer what type of therapist dx'd her as an empath.

I didn’t say my sister was one. I said a licensed therapist said I was. My sister said I was one. She’s a social worker. I honestly don’t care if I’m one. I’m very sensitive and people influence and affect me. I easily feel guilt and absorb other people’s emotions. It’s exhausting honestly.

I get it. I am very sensitive to other people's emotions. I am not divorced, but if my DH turned into an ass, I likely would not move on *shrugs* because the only way I feel disconnected is when I block the person completely, and as I have children with DH, I would imagine that would impossible. I wish I could feel things in this stark good or bad contrast, but I always have this internal struggle when I see glimpses or good, sympathy, love, just shining through. I have been that way since I was a young child, eager to please, frequently forgiving, and easily manipulated. BUT at times, being able to feel with such intensity is such a blessing too, as it can bring such joy and peace, but at times, yes, it is exhausting.

When I start getting confused, I isolate myself, to recharge--then I surround myself in the company of the person, whom I want to feel or be with, so in your case that would be your current love interest. Feel only him, then use those feelings to guide your behavior, your thoughts, your decisions. (that sounds crazy, i know, but I think if you are really empathetic like I am, I think it will make sense.) If you do this and still run and ruin the relationship, I'm not sure the new beau was right for you anyway,

[Bubbs]

I know you feel bad, but you probably feel worse by entertaining him.
It’s hard, I know. But you have to shut him down every single time. Cry about it after you do (not so he knows) but shut it down. If he’s a narcissist, they feed off of it ( the hoovering).
And I know it’s easier said than done, if it’s anything like I’m going through, it’s like an addiction. If it’s not about the kids end the conversation, delete the email and ignore him.
Email communication only,

I'm sorry to both of you. Stuff like this might never end as long as you don't get control of it.
I just had one of the best relationships of my life end because he decided he was more worried about my ex's feelings than mine.
It's funny how a narc really gets control of everybody around them.

I’m just lucky we don’t share children. I have blocked him in every way I can think of. And if I hear his voice from a different number, I hang up and block that too. I’m going to get past this.

[Anonymous 6]

I know you feel bad, but you probably feel worse by entertaining him.
It’s hard, I know. But you have to shut him down every single time. Cry about it after you do (not so he knows) but shut it down. If he’s a narcissist, they feed off of it ( the hoovering).
And I know it’s easier said than done, if it’s anything like I’m going through, it’s like an addiction. If it’s not about the kids end the conversation, delete the email and ignore him.
Email communication only,

I'm sorry to both of you. Stuff like this might never end as long as you don't get control of it.
I just had one of the best relationships of my life end because he decided he was more worried about my ex's feelings than mine.
It's funny how a narc really gets control of everybody around them.

I’m sorry. I feel I’ve done that to some men. My ex has had a grasp on me for too long. I’d like to move on.

[Iffrinn]

Your ex should not have enough access to information about your life to know if you're dating or not. If your kids are telling him, put a stop to that immediately. If they are very young, stop telling them. If they are old enough, tell them they are NOT to discuss your dating with Dad ( or anyone else) AT ALL.

[nmkj]

These men weren't worth keeping around if they were so easily swayed.

[nmkj]

Whoops my bad I need to learn to read. I thought he was talking to them. He's an ex, you don't need to communicate with him about anything but the kids. If he talks about anything else hang up or don't respond. This is partially your fault.

[scemily526]

what is he actually doing thats ruining your relationships? I mustve missed that part.

I’m almost ashamed to say because of everyone’s harsh judgement of me. But once he forced me to kiss him when I was dating someone. I felt so guilty like it was my fault I broke up with the guy. I doubt anyone here understands but sometimes a woman blames herself for being raped and mistreated and I’ve had a habit of that for years. Just stuff like that. He knows how to say the right words so I feel guilty and I do what he wants.

Trust me I’m trying to change that. I know it’s my issue.

That's a form of sexual assault,and you should have called police and had him arrested

[RedBottoms]

and stop telling your kids you're 'dating'

this. Your kids should be instructed not to go telling Daddy all your business first of all. Second of all you should be dating ONLY when its on Dad's time and the kids are not around so they don't even have to know about it.

Third-only communicate with him regarding the kids. Get family wizard app and communicate only through there. He can't pull bullshit that way as it only lets you talk about the kids and all communications are recorded and can be used against him

[RedBottoms]

what is he actually doing thats ruining your relationships? I mustve missed that part.

I’m almost ashamed to say because of everyone’s harsh judgement of me. But once he forced me to kiss him when I was dating someone. I felt so guilty like it was my fault I broke up with the guy. I doubt anyone here understands but sometimes a woman blames herself for being raped and mistreated and I’ve had a habit of that for years. Just stuff like that. He knows how to say the right words so I feel guilty and I do what he wants.

Trust me I’m trying to change that. I know it’s my issue.

You need to dump your therapist and come get lessons from me on how to be a bitch and stand up for yourself. I really have no respect for mealy mouthed women who just let things happen to them over and over and over and never stand up for themselves. Like how fucked up were your parents to raise you this way by never teaching you to advocate for yourself?

[scemily526]

what is he actually doing thats ruining your relationships? I mustve missed that part.

I’m almost ashamed to say because of everyone’s harsh judgement of me. But once he forced me to kiss him when I was dating someone. I felt so guilty like it was my fault I broke up with the guy. I doubt anyone here understands but sometimes a woman blames herself for being raped and mistreated and I’ve had a habit of that for years. Just stuff like that. He knows how to say the right words so I feel guilty and I do what he wants.

Trust me I’m trying to change that. I know it’s my issue.

You need to dump your therapist and come get lessons from me on how to be a B*tch and stand up for yourself. I really have no respect for mealy mouthed women who just let things happen to them over and over and over and never stand up for themselves. Like how f*ck up were your parents to raise you this way by never teaching you to advocate for yourself?

i would guess her mother cowtowed to everything daddy said, or else -- where else would she learn this behavior of being weak and submissive to the point you get sexually assaulted, and don't call police....shameful