My ex tries to ruin things when I date.

[Deleted User 172]

um...block his email, and get yourself some much needed counseling on how to stand up for yourself, and stop allowing behaviors like that

This.

Stop letting him control you.

[Anonymous 5]

I told you 1000x on here already to stop involving him in your life AT ALL. No call, notes, responding back etc. But you won't listen. I'm out of advice.

I didn’t involve him. We have 3 kids together. I can’t change that. If you’ve never had to deal with this type of situation then your lucky. I try my best not to engage with him. Like when we had sports practice for the kids. I take them but he shows up. He tries to talk to me. I sit far away from him and I avoid him. I admit I have issues. I do my best.

Please have compassion. If not for me just have compsssion in your life.

I am divorced. (13 years divorced from ex, 2 boys) I made it clear from minute 1 he is no longer a part of my life. I shared nothing. I made myself unavailable for him to harass me, charm me, whatever. I truly wanted nothing to do with him. You are giving him a vibe that you will put up with his sh*t and entertain him. No more calls. Email only. He shows up somewhere go sit in your car with a book. He will get the hint if you are firm. It's hard to have compassion when you keep doing the same things over and over and wonder why he is still bothering you.

Maybe you are a stronger person then me then. I’m not trying to make excuses. I’m not trying to be weak. I’ve just been plagued with guilt for years. I met my ex when I was young. He has had the upper hand on me for 20+ years. He has always got me to do what he wants. When we were married I was a puppet to him.

Leaving him was a big deal for me. Me getting serious with someone is actually a big deal. It’s a huge step.

I am trying. Trust me. But I feel overwhelming guilt everytime I stand my ground. Like I’m a bad person. I guess that’s something I need to work on.

[Lotus]

"I am an empath"
Is this a self diagnosis?

A therapist told me this. And my sister. I honestly just thought everyone was like that. I just have a hard time not letting other people’s emotions impact me. I feel bad for people like it’s me in the situation and it paralyzed me and makes me do things that aren’t in my best interest.

It's just another way of stating that you are using your intuition as a 6th sense. Anyone can master it. But they tend to use this as an excuse as to why they are vulnerable to a narcissist. When in fact we accept what we think we deserve in love and friendships alike. It has zero to do with being intuitive. Why not use your intuition when you are dealing with him? LOL hope this helps.

[Anonymous 1]

what is he actually doing thats ruining your relationships? I mustve missed that part.

I’m almost ashamed to say because of everyone’s harsh judgement of me. But once he forced me to kiss him when I was dating someone. I felt so guilty like it was my fault I broke up with the guy. I doubt anyone here understands but sometimes a woman blames herself for being raped and mistreated and I’ve had a habit of that for years. Just stuff like that. He knows how to say the right words so I feel guilty and I do what he wants.

Trust me I’m trying to change that. I know it’s my issue.

[Anonymous 1]

"I am an empath"
Is this a self diagnosis?

"Empath" seems to be the trendy new thing where I am. And also doesnt seem to be an accurate description of anyone who's claimed the label that I know.

I did a thesis on this subject one year.
It's usually said by someone who needs to feel special or different in some way.
It often accompanies one or more mental illnesses.
Less than 2 percent of the population would meet the criteria of being an empath.
The chances of her and her sister both being empaths, is undoubtedly astronomical.
People often confuse being empathetic or highly sensitive with being an empath.
They are not at all the same thing.
Also, I wish she what answer what type of therapist dx'd her as an empath.

I didn’t say my sister was one. I said a licensed therapist said I was. My sister said I was one. She’s a social worker. I honestly don’t care if I’m one. I’m very sensitive and people influence and affect me. I easily feel guilt and absorb other people’s emotions. It’s exhausting honestly.

[Anonymous 5]

"I am an empath"
Is this a self diagnosis?

A therapist told me this. And my sister. I honestly just thought everyone was like that. I just have a hard time not letting other people’s emotions impact me. I feel bad for people like it’s me in the situation and it paralyzed me and makes me do things that aren’t in my best interest.

It's just another way of stating that you are using your intuition as a 6th sense. Anyone can master it. But they tend to use this as an excuse as to why they are vulnerable to a narcissist. When in fact we accept what we think we deserve in love and friendships alike. It has zero to do with being intuitive. Why not use your intuition when you are dealing with him? LOL hope this helps.

Thank you. I’m trying. I need to work on stuff.

[Anonymous 5]

"I am an empath"
Is this a self diagnosis?

A therapist told me this. And my sister. I honestly just thought everyone was like that. I just have a hard time not letting other people’s emotions impact me. I feel bad for people like it’s me in the situation and it paralyzed me and makes me do things that aren’t in my best interest.

Did your therapist say you were an empath or that you were empathetic?

[Bubbs]

I know you feel bad, but you probably feel worse by entertaining him.
It’s hard, I know. But you have to shut him down every single time. Cry about it after you do (not so he knows) but shut it down. If he’s a narcissist, they feed off of it ( the hoovering).
And I know it’s easier said than done, if it’s anything like I’m going through, it’s like an addiction. If it’s not about the kids end the conversation, delete the email and ignore him.
Email communication only,

[Deleted User 172]

I know you feel bad, but you probably feel worse by entertaining him.
It’s hard, I know. But you have to shut him down every single time. Cry about it after you do (not so he knows) but shut it down. If he’s a narcissist, they feed off of it ( the hoovering).
And I know it’s easier said than done, if it’s anything like I’m going through, it’s like an addiction. If it’s not about the kids end the conversation, delete the email and ignore him.
Email communication only,

I'm sorry to both of you. Stuff like this might never end as long as you don't get control of it.
I just had one of the best relationships of my life end because he decided he was more worried about my ex's feelings than mine.
It's funny how a narc really gets control of everybody around them.

[Sassy762]

Lock your phone and don't tell your kids anything about dating anyone. Only speak to that asshole through the app or website used by the court system. I think everything that is typed can be seen by the judge ( not 100% sure) and only talk to him about the KIDS ONLY. If he brings up anything else, shut it down EVERY TIME. Here is the link
https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/about-u ... or-parents